SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is June 12th, 2021, 3:58pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Round #3 Who wrote what? and Round #3 Scores

The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Heaven's Mistake Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Heaven's Mistake  (currently 1583 views)
Posted: February 3rd, 2014, 6:22pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Heaven's Mistake by Brandon Montgomery - Action, Adventure - After a technical error sends a woman to hell, she must form an alliance with a woman who would rather see her rot, or have her soul trapped in hell for eternity 114 pages - pdf, format

Visit for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at:
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  February 16th, 2014, 12:06pm
revised draft
Site Private Message
Posted: February 3rd, 2014, 7:04pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Over there.
Posts Per Day
I was going to post more from the lofty heights of my high horse on the reviews of my OWC script, but the thought left me colder than some of those reviews. And if that means nothing to you then worry not, you are unlikely to be alone.

So instead I had a look at this. We start off in hell, somewhere I've only been metaphorically. I often heard priests talking about it. They said there were many ways to get there, but I digress.

I found the opening page a bit sparse. I get accused of overwriting. That's definitely not happening here. There's lots going on in the opening but it needs more description to make a proper impression,

We've all got our pet peeves. One of mine is putting character description in brackets. It really doesn't help visualising.

I'd say Flashback would be far more effective than Memory Hit. There's no need to make up your own formatting terms. There's plenty already.

Your scene of the office in heaven got me wondering - do they really use computers in heaven? I'd have thought they'd be into scrolls and quills. And later on they have phones too. If he didn't have wings I'd wonder how we'd know this is heaven. Apart from it being in the header.

Come to think of it, there is no sign it isn't an office on earth. Therein lies the problem. You need to make your scenes here appear as if they aren't on earth. There's a film called What Dreams May Come that is mainly set in heaven which illustrates the difference between down here and up there clearly.

I read the first ten pages and I'm somewhat lost. There seems to be lots of characters but none of them grabbed me. The dialogue isn't bad. But it could be a lot better.

Maybe this script gets much better. I hope so.


Out Of Character - updated

New Used Car


Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Posted: February 8th, 2014, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
Been Around

Damnit, get to the point!

New York
Posts Per Day

On the first page you have a slug line starting with an underlined MEMORY HIT.  I've never seen this before. What does this mean?



More to follow

Revision History (1 edits)
TonyDionisio  -  February 8th, 2014, 12:42pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Action/Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006