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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Fracture Moderators: bert
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  Author    Fracture  (currently 4148 views)
Dressel
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 10:45am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Demento


They have to try. Can't blame a guy for trying.



Oh no, you can definitely blame them.


MY SCRIPTS

Based on a True Story (Comedy)

The Other Man (Thriller)

PRODUCED

Penny For Your Thoughts (Found by Director on Simply Scripts)

MY WEBSITE
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Dustin
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 11:10am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from Demento

What I don't get is how most of them come off so unprofessional. They have horrible looking websites, they suck at correspondence and so on. If you are a no-name than presentation is very important, because being anonymous and coming off so unprofessional is a sure fire way to turn people off. They have no reason to take you seriously.


Websites are not really on the radar for most film-makers I've found, even the big guys can have crappy little websites.

It's mostly about building connections. Even if you don't want to work with some of them, then it's best not to burn that bridge just in case later down the line you may need that connect.

Talk to them, feel them out.... see if they're capable. It's worth letting them have your script to punt around to see if they can get funding... but don't let them have it on a real option unless they hand over some hard cash.


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Leegion
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 1:21pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


I've had my fill of those guys... dreamers. At first I found it flattering, now it just pisses me off.


Aren't we all dreamers?  In my experience, you get nowhere in this world without giving people opportunities.

A little back story:

A few years ago I was contacted by an aspiring Spanish filmmaker by the name of Luis de los Rios here on the boards.  He enjoyed an Uncharted script I penned, so he contacted me and we got a discussion going about a 16-episode Batman series and some other projects.

A few years down the line and we're good friends, currently working on a 13-episode Spider-Man fan-fiction series called "The Spectacular Spider-Man".

Our Batman series is about to become a full-fledged online comic book.  And is currently a weekly episodic script series over on comicbookmovie.com under the name of ftoons, if folks want to check it out.  These scripts were written yonks ago, like 2011, so they're a bit underdeveloped and shaky.

Sure, this isn't Hollywood A-List Blockbuster territory but he approached me and I gave him my time for several projects, and frankly put, I'm having a blast with it.  

He contacted me, I gave him my time and now we're good friends living a small little dream of showcasing our stories to a community of people.

At least, that's my experience with giving people an opportunity.

-Lee
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Dustin
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Unfortunately mate, not all of them are like that. Which is why I suggested feeling them out first. If you like them and have a rapport going on, then why not. Personally now, I need to get paid and I'm only interested in marketable projects.


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Leegion
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 3:52pm Report to Moderator
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Unfortunately not.  Some of them are a--holes.  I always make sure to get to know the person before making a decision on whether or not I want to work with them.  

Money on the other hand, well, if a student comes along (I've said this before) I'll give them the script for free with the deal that I receive 15% of whatever it makes off of Ad Revenue on Youtube/Video Hosting Websites.  

If it's a Hollywood Production Company however, they have to pay for it.  

Otherwise, scripts that I don't sell will gather dust and that would be a waste of time.
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cloroxmartini
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 5:35pm Report to Moderator
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Read a few more pages in and it's not doing anything for me. Non-stop action, stuff getting blown up, Brock is super human with super human toys to take on what ever comes his way. Too many bad guys? Press a button and turrets pop from the ceiling and blow them away. Getting cornered? Pull a tarp off a rig and drive through a wall. Too many foes as you drive your tank? Press any one of the buttons on your steering wheel and take them out. You've just jumped out of your rig and are falling...what do you do? Produce a gas mask. Falling too fast? Twist a dial on your gun and you have backpack, which you put on while falling, and pull a cord, and voila, you parachute to safety. This guy twists through the air like a cat tossed from Burj Khalifa and lands on his feet. I have no idea of what is going on and no hint that I'm going to get one...so I lose interest. From page 1-5 I had no interest. For a moment on page 6, I had interest, and from 7 to 17 you lost me again. I don't care about anyone in your story, much like the recent Godzilla where I didn't care about anyone or anything. By page 17 I think I should be connecting with a character and I'm not.
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cloroxmartini
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Leegion


Basically:  Brock's a terrorist.



I would never have known...
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Leegion
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 6:15pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Clorox,

Good stuff, man.  I like the notes and you're bang on target, bud.

I'm revising this at the moment.  Taking it back to its roots.  The "Hansen" thing is not part of it at all, there's no hefty action sequence other than the chase between Hansen and Brock, which then ends.

It's slower, more detailed and... this time around, starts fresh, as in you're meeting these characters for the first time.  I wrote this in a way that makes it feel like a sequel.  I know the characters, but the readers do not.  Meaning I'm not doing my job correctly in producing understandable work.

Give me about 2 weeks.  I'll try to get the revision up by June 5th.

However, getting into my scripts/stories takes time.  I don't simply throw you an inciting incident by a certain page, I build you up to it and I don't write in a conventional "by-the-book" kinda way either.  

Then again, I come from novel-writing... so I guess that's part of the reason.

-Lee
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cloroxmartini
Posted: May 23rd, 2014, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Don
Fracture by Lee Cordner (leegion) - Action, Thriller, Sci Fi, Conspiracy - Two men race against time to stop an event that threatens to wipe out all organic life.  111 pages - pdf, format


Start with this?
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Dustin
Posted: May 24th, 2014, 3:27am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from Leegion


Otherwise, scripts that I don't sell will gather dust and that would be a waste of time.


That's the way it goes, mate. There comes a time when you have to place a value on your work. Giving stuff away for free isn't a good idea, not only do you not make anything, but it doesn't say much for the budget, which means a terrible end product and your name associated with that.


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Leegion
Posted: May 24th, 2014, 7:46am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from cloroxmartini


Start with this?


I will be.  

The opening 10 of the third revision start with the 2 page chase scene, then flips to Hansen getting grilled in UFA HQ by his commander-in-chief where we then meet his new partner "Android Trixie", Brock's at the Arcade setting up his target "Wei Mitzu" and we then meet The Grid, which begins to go haywire and select Humanity as targets, which is thwarted quickly by Beckett (from Draft 1) who shuts the whole system down (humans, androids, anything with a data chip) and then reboots everything.

That's the opening 10 at least.  From there it goes the same way as draft 1 did, so there won't be anything happening that happened in this version.

-Lee
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