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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
Uneven Exchange by Jeremy Edwards - Action, Adventure - Two men, from opposite sides of the law, are just a step away from retiring to a life of solace, a common foe forces them together to regain their peace of mind and free themselves. 118 pages - pdf, format
Read the script from cover to cover and I liked it. It was tough, gritty and a good story, in my opinion. I found the characters believable, Hendrix-evil, Jul and Frank-sympathetic, etc. The pace kept moving and didn't get bogged down. I did have a few points to consider when you revise it.
-The language (F-bombs) and violence (death by ax), while realistic, will probably get you an R-rating. This will limit your audience to some degree. If you are not worried about that, then ignore this point.
-There were numerous typos and misspellings throughout the script. I had to reread a couple of portions to make sure I understood. Also, the use of Fade out:/Fade in: was not something I had seen in the body of a script before.
-Long on description at times. Much of the action should be pared down and made more concise.
-Continuity: when Frank and Jul break into Hendrix's house, the way that Frank "McGyvered" the alarm system seems forced and glossed over. How did he do it as an ex-cop? What gave him that skill?
- Finally, some of the action seems cliche, i.e., when Rebecca shoots Hendrix. Numerous family members are current or prior law enforcement. While I was not, but military, it seems highly unlikely that the officers would have let her wonder around, much less acquire a firearm. After she shoots, they rush to help Frank and secure Hendrix, but nobody tries to disarm Rebecca. Since Hendrix survived only to die in interrogation, I believe you could delete the part about Rebecca shooting him without losing anything to your story. Or you could have her kick him in the balls or something as a payback for holding her against her will.
Anyway, I enjoyed the read. Hope you continue to refine and polish it.