SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 15th, 2025, 4:50pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The July 2025 One Week Challenge Theme is up!


Submit to SimplyScripts.com/OWC

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Uncharted Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Uncharted  (currently 2195 views)
Don
Posted: March 25th, 2016, 12:22pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17402
Posts Per Day
1.95
Uncharted by Luis Filipe Araujo - Action, Adventure - The treasure hunter Nathan Drake begins a journey in search of treasure in the legendary South American city of El Dorado. But he discovers that a competing group also wants the lost treasure. 116 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 17th, 2017, 2:12pm
revised draft
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Chase
Posted: March 26th, 2016, 12:54pm Report to Moderator
New


If nothing goes right, go left.

Location
New Jersey
Posts
26
Posts Per Day
0.01
I guess it's safe to assume that English isn't your first language.

Regardless, I read the first couple pages but couldn't continue. Just too much wording and camera directions. There are also a lot of "we sees" (three in the first page alone). Try to cut back on that.

This script could be cut down tremendously. For example:

Pg.2

"Drake think of another way to get what he want, but when he
looks away, sees TWO SECURITY GUARDS watching the place."

You could just right:

"Drake contemplates. TWO SECURITY GUARDS pace out front." (Cause that's what they do in the games, right?)

Try to write as economically as possible which usually means writing what we see and what we hear. Each paragraph representing a beat of action.

I'm not even close to being a good writer so me spotting these mistakes means you should read more scripts to see how other writers present their stories.

Practice makes perfect so keep at it and good luck.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Action/Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006