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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  The Soul Eaters Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Soul Eaters  (currently 139 views)
Don
Posted: July 17th, 2018, 3:26pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Soul Eaters by David Fell - Action, Adventure, Gothic Horror - A young man discovers that the mysterious strangers he has invited into his home are the soul eaters of terrifying legend. Now, he and his band of friends must kill them before they lose, not just their lives, but their souls. 91 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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eldave1
Posted: July 18th, 2018, 9:48pm Report to Moderator
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David: This is not close to the correct format.


Quoted Text
1 EXT CLIFF NIGHT


EXT. - CLIFF - NIGHT

Then you have a 11 line action block.


Quoted Text
It is late summer, dusk; the sky is darkening ominously with a gathering of great
storm clouds, black, evil and frightening. A terrifying crack of thunder is followed by
a crystal clear fork of lightning which illuminates a windswept cliff top path. The rain
whips the landscape mercilessly and there emerges from the gloom a coach and
horses careering desperately close to the cliff edge. Inside the coach sit two couples
facing each other, the younger of which, the newly wed MR and MRS PRESTON are
both white with fear. The other couple are; PROFESSOR WYNDHAM, an elderly
man, greying hair, bespectacled, with lean, sharp features and quick, piercing eyes
and his beautiful young daughter, MYRA, dark-haired, black, haunting eyes and a
calm, almost disquieting, self-assurance. Mrs Preston looks out of the window and
recoils in horror.


Break these up - try to keep it to 4 lines. e.g.,  CAP your key sounds. Avoid passive writing (the sky darkens better than the sky is darkening, etc.).

The sky darkens ominously with a gathering of great
storm clouds, black, evil and frightening.

A terrifying CRACK thunder of is followed by
a crystal clear fork of lightning which illuminates a windswept cliff top path.

The rain whips the landscape mercilessly and there emerges from the gloom a coach and
horses careering desperately close to the cliff edge.

etc


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Virginia
Posted: September 8th, 2018, 1:39pm Report to Moderator
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like the title!
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