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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    General Boards    Questions or Comments  ›  Would you check out my short film?`
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  Author    Would you check out my short film?`  (currently 1065 views)
Josh
Posted: March 31st, 2015, 10:45pm Report to Moderator
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So Dustin gave me some advice on making a short, and so I went out and made something. I started a Cinema Club a while ago at my high school and used those people to create a quirky short film. Tell me what you think! I'm pretty proud of it, but I know there are problems.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_VaqXwxRec

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Alex_212
Posted: March 31st, 2015, 10:54pm Report to Moderator
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Well done Josh.

I have to admit the story didn't have much depth to it though it made me smile throughout the film and I definitely got a giggle from it.

Fun to watch and keep up the good work.

Alex


PLEASE TAKE A PEEK AT SOME OF MY WORK:-

CLICK HERE: Please comment or PM me.
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Josh
Posted: March 31st, 2015, 11:06pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah haha, this was just my opportunity to play with a concept that sounds really dumb. Thanks and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 1st, 2015, 1:46am Report to Moderator
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Nice work, mate.
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Josh
Posted: April 1st, 2015, 2:37pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks man!
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eldave1
Posted: April 1st, 2015, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
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A cute effort here. Atta go.

If you ever re-do this, I would love to see a dryer scene (i.e., sad sock pining outside a dryer for a lost love or friend)


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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DanC
Posted: April 1st, 2015, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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I just watched it.  It was funny.

I hated the cereal part, no where to go with that joke.

I LOVED the way he gets turned down for a job.  "we're kinda looking for a , ah, human being."  I would have gone on (think Charlie Day from It's always sunny in Philadelphia) on how he can do the job that any human can do.

I loved the phone call to the self-help guy.

I would have liked the end IF THERE WAS A PAYOFF.  How could you not have shown him in bed with someone or something?  That would have been golden!!  You could have had the sock in bed with man, woman, several people, underwear, shirts, stuffed animals, fake celebs, miley cyrus, etc

Or had him totally dirty, or even dead, or ripped apart.  Something.  I was looking for the payoff.

That said, I really enjoyed it.  It was funny and clever.  

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Josh
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 8:49pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks eldave and Dan!

Dan, the "not having a payoff" thing was definitely my fault, 1. We were on a bit of a deadline and 2. I wanted the short to be about someone never looking to improve can be one of the more tragic things in the world.

That being said, I get what you mean. I'll try to add a more satisfying payoff in my next outing!
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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 2:30am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
A cute effort here. Atta go.

If you ever re-do this, I would love to see a dryer scene (i.e., sad sock pining outside a dryer for a lost love or friend)


That would be quite funny. They both went in for the thrill ride of their lives... but, only one came out!
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