Botched by Derrick James Jackson - Comedy - A young man named Chris, who works at a lingerie store, finds himself in love and in danger as a pair of assassins confuse their target with him.  Together, Chris and Amy run for their lives from three law enforcement agencies and the assassins in a search to clear his name. - pdf, format

So this is my first finished script.  All criticism is welcome.

The concept seems dull and boring.
The characters all seem the same in that they all are trying to be funny.
The comedy/jokes are all forced and even then they're not that funny.
The lawn gnomes with guns was pretty cool.  If I ever have lawn gnomes..  Those would be the kind I'd chose.

And I couldn't even bring myself to finish it.  Sorry.

I agree with Shudder, this was boring and I couldn't really finish it. The jokes, if there were any, weren't funny and the characters are dull, and as Shudder said, they try and be funny.

And I really don't iike waiting to find out someone's name if they say it later on, but the writer keeps their character's name as "Man" or "Woman" or in your case "Hottie". I kept on reading to finally find out her name was Amy.

Why would Chris be embarrassed to tell his friend, Eric, that he works in a lingerie store when he just got a date with this supposedly "hottie" who said that she likes men who work in feminine stores? I mean, if I got a date with a hot woman because I worked in a lingerie store, I would be excited and keep working there for more offers. But not with the old lady, though...

Yeah this is my review. It's probably not as helpful as you thought it would have been, but there really wasn't much to say. Shudder simply said it all for me.

Sean

You guys made good points.  Some of the errors, like AMY being referred to as HOTTIE (a placemarker I carelessly left in   ), it all just has to come out upon peer review I guess.

Back to the gnawing board.