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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Escape Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 4th, 2007, 4:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Escape by S. Ramlal - Comedy - A full serial killer comedy. In search of a serial killer, many unwanted things happen. A girl is kidnapped by a cop, who sees the girl as the serial killer. The girl is rescued by a boy, running for their lives. 109 pages - pdf, format


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Hoody
Posted: November 4th, 2007, 4:56pm Report to Moderator
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I skimmed the first few pages and only one thing came to mind: is English your first language?

You really notice it in your dialogue.  I reccomend really listening to how people talk...because that is definitely not how we talk.  You can also try reading the dialogue out loud, which is what I do.  I think you'll agree that it sounds way off.  

I'd love to go through and point out the little things, but I think you should be focusing on the big issue right now -- and that is your dialogue.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything like that, I'm just trying to help you become a better writer by pointing out your flaws.  Hope this helps.


Please, read Elvis The Goat or Cold Turkey.  Thanks in advance and I'll make sure to review your script in exchange.
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