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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Huang Lo: Film Star Moderators: bert
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  Author    Huang Lo: Film Star  (currently 1487 views)
Don
Posted: January 3rd, 2010, 9:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Huang Lo: Film Star by N. Ling - Comedy - Huang wants to be a pornstar. But is he willing to do whatever he takes to become one? - doc, format


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craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: January 4th, 2010, 8:39am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


'Ey up.

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Hi,

I just opened this file (which is in DOC format, and is a pain to open- trying saving as a PDF file instead) and was greeted by huge problems from the outset- Nearly a whole blank page on P2, then, the first line of action is 'We see'! The paperboy should be CAPPED. Loads more errors and formatting mistakes that really distract from reading any of the story. I stopped when I got to '(creaming. cont'd)'.

If this is your first attempt at writing, fair play on having a go and getting it submitted, but it would do you well to have a look at some other scripts on here to help you with your work.

If you are using Word or Open Office to write your scripts, you could do far worse than downloading Celtx (google it). It's completely free, and helps you get your head round formatting correctly etc.


Keep at it!


Craig


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fionaman1
Posted: June 29th, 2010, 5:03am Report to Moderator
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I just had to comment on this.

This is the worst screenplay I have ever had the displeasure of reading. The characters are one-dimensional cardboard cutouts, there is absolutely no conflict, and when there is conflict (which is very weak) it has no effect because these characters are so flat.

So Huang just manages to get a job from some passing producer THAT EASILY. He just walks into the shoot with NO PREP AT ALL. And the scenes are all shot in just ONE TAKE (this is a fallacy - it is well known that just ONE SCENE can take up to 10 hours to shoot.) Everything is just way too easy here, THERE ARE NO HARDSHIPS. Do you know what drama is?

Also, technically, this is pretty fucking abysmal. I mean, awkwardly worded one-line action descriptions, wooden, terribly on the nose dialogue, awful spelling and grammar. But forget about that. All of that can be remedied. But the terrible execution is the biggest downfall.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!

Pg. 75 - Huang has been working in porn for TWO YEARS! You mean to tell me that the events over the last 40 or so pages have taken place over TWO YEARS? No way, it feels more like two weeks. Did you do a flash forward somewhere and I missed it?

And what do you know, Huang is already a doctor, just a few pages are declaring he would become one. NOTHING IS THIS MINDNUMBINGLY EASY!

Anyway, I am going to stick with my original claim, that this is the worst piece of screenwriting I've ever read, and that includes that plotless mess known as Schizophrenic Lesbians. This screenplay is pretty much a non-entity: it would have been just as effective if it was just 100 blank pages.
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