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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Soup is Good Food Moderators: bert
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  Author    Soup is Good Food  (currently 1347 views)
Don
Posted: June 5th, 2010, 6:38pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Soup is Good Food by Patrick Rask (praskal) - Comedy - Herbert's life was going just fine, a new dental practice, a beautiful fiancé.  Just fine indeed, that is, until gorgeous and exotic Lethi Maria Meneses, a 19-year-old Nicaraguan girl with whom he'd had a one-night-stand almost two years prior, shows up unannounced at his office.  When she introduces he and his parents to their supposed son, Herbert's life is turned upside down. 119 pages - pdf, format


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RayW
Posted: July 26th, 2010, 6:59pm Report to Moderator
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I read 22 pages into Soup Is Good.
That's about when the first TV commercial break would kick-in and for a comedy I wan't more smirks and scoffing laughs by then.

Herbert's life seems more pitiful than "just fine".
I like Herbert's dad.
Raoul, the hygienist, Mom & Cassandra are fine stock.
Who do you envision playing the lead?



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Dreamscale
Posted: July 28th, 2010, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Lots and lots of problems going on here.

Based on the way it's written, the first 1 1/2 pages take place "INT. PITCH DARK SCREEN.", which obviously isn't correct.

Needs attention.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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coldbug
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
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Sorry i can't pass page 3 of this script.

1.  INT: PITCH DARK SCREEN

Hmm...what do you mean?  The screen we see is not an interior.  It's a screen.
After reading a few lines, i firgured what you meant.

Try this

FADE IN:

PITCH DARK SCREEN

just tell us what we are seeing...don't use location...when you're using location..it has to be a location...not just PITCH DARK SCREEN.

2. All of your locations (up to pg 3 which i could only go for) do not have TIME.
remember the 3 RULES WHEN SETTING LOCALES.

EXT or INT /  WHERE IS IT / and TIME....Time is very very important as the director needs to know the time of the day that the shooting takes place.

3.  you don't have to use CONTINUED on each page breaks.  Try to read the professionals scripts...most of them don't use that.
James Cameron do that alot, but hey he's James Cameron..he can do whatever he wants to do...sometimes he writes about 15 lines in a narrative.

Good Luck!






A lie has traveled around the world while the truth is putting the shoes on.
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Eoin
Posted: August 26th, 2010, 7:58am Report to Moderator
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just another ego maniac with low self esteem

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There just wasn't enough of a hook in the first 10 pages to draw me into the story. I didn't really get the 'humor' at all.
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