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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Dooda and Rayford Moderators: bert
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  Author    Dooda and Rayford  (currently 1389 views)
Posted: June 18th, 2010, 12:35am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Dooda and Rayford: The Alabaster Boys! by Johnny Mann - Comedy - Two bumbling brothers from the deep backwoods win a sightseeing weekend in New York City and unknowingly get caught up in a police investigation. 105 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: September 20th, 2010, 8:55am Report to Moderator

just another ego maniac with low self esteem

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I think you need to rework this one extensively. Your script should be written in the present simples, ' bills runs towards the bus', your script is in the present continous, ' billy is running towards the bus'.

This is a concept that's been kicked to death - dumb hicks meet city slickers. Far too much dialouge in your script and the vast majority of it is expositional.

'The Feminine Touch' gag is straight out of Police Academy.

You need to read a few scripts and get a handle on formatting. Also your story needs to be made more visual and your characters made more unique and interesting.
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