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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  McSnoot Moderators: bert
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  Author    McSnoot  (currently 1103 views)
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 7:32pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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McSnoot by Sven Golden - Comedy - An eccentric Scottish Lord, McSnoot, goes to South Africa to play in a croquet tournament, and while there gets ensnared into a wild goose chase all over the country. 94 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: September 16th, 2010, 5:13pm Report to Moderator

just another ego maniac with low self esteem

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I could only manage the first page of this script. I'm guessing that this is your first screenplay? Cut out the following: WE SEE - camera direction - descriptions that are unfilmable:

LORD EWEN MCSNOOT is late forties and a croquet champion, a
real eccentric born to money. He is independently minded, yet
open to other points of view. He is a happy bachelor who loves
entertaining his motley assortment of friends on a beautiful
late summers day such as the one we see.

How do we know he's a croquet champion, open minded and a happy bachelor etc? Your telling us, you need to SHOW us. Film is a visual medium.

I highly recommend reading a few books on screen writing like 'How to write great screenplays and get them into production' by Linda H James and reading good scripts.
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