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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  The Heavenly Muses Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Heavenly Muses  (currently 1136 views)
Don
Posted: August 12th, 2010, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Heavenly Muses by Sven Golden - Comedy - This is a play with music in it. We find ourselves in heaven where some deceased masters have been brought together. Mozart, Beethoven, Lennon, Marley, Hendrix and Morrison. They interact hilariously and make music in interesting ways. 65 pages - pdf, format


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Crashbang
Posted: August 16th, 2010, 7:29pm Report to Moderator
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So ambitious, to try and capture the minds of 6 amazing musicians in a piece and have them interact in such a way as to produce music together, and an idea with so much potential, and the piece is even written in an intelligent style. Which is why this piece is so frustrating.

The problem is largely the plot, which is monstrously convoluted. You say they make music in interesting ways - not nearly enough for me. Twice, they all get together if that to produce a piece together? Not only that, but its 5/6ths arguing over little at all. There is no genuine effort to get themselves all together to make music untill the very end - thus no crisis point - the entire thing is like a crisis point where everyone is getting on everyones nerves. Lennon and others apparently revisit earth, for some reason - I understand that they are in purgatory (I think) but why are they allowed to go back and see friends? There should be some kind of progression - not one moment where they manage it and then it all falls apart again.

I like the fact that it's based in basically one room - that in itself is also ambitious - but there needs to be less crudity - drugs and playboy need to be replaced with intelligent comedy about music for a piece like this. Have elements of it if you wish but for a piece which has 6 musical geniuses music plays a suprisingly small part in this script. It's disappointing. Also, you work to blend the musical elements when they do come together, but when romantic poetry comes into it you just say the director should find a piece. Surely you should find appropriate pieces to such a film? Something to add some meaning, or give the characters food for thought.

It has alot of potential but it MUST to be more relevant to its characters. Without the scene change the scene must be changed by the characters themselves. I could've read the first 10 pages and had the basic outline of the rest - moreover I would've thought it was Jerry Springer: Return of the music masters.

Sorry, it wasn't for me.

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