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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  How Does It Feel Moderators: bert
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  Author    How Does It Feel  (currently 1449 views)
Don
Posted: February 16th, 2011, 10:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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How Does It Feel by Alfredo Williams - Comedy, Romance - An overly confident man has control over his sexual exploits until he meets a woman with his same inadequacies, which makes his lifestyle even more turbulent.  121 pages - pdf, format


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RayW
Posted: February 18th, 2011, 12:27am Report to Moderator
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Hi, Alfredo

First, the right justified CUT TO:s and BACK TO:s have gotta go.
You need just regular, normal slugs in there.
That'll probably cut down five wasted pages alone.

And I don't know whassup with the justified dialog.
It should be indented with ragged right.

There's a fair bit of other formatting issues going on as well.
Forgiving those (there are no page numbers!) I'm down to page ten or so and there's neither comedy nor romance going on.

We have a dozen pages of routine lovers-triangle-going-to-h3ll at a hotel.
Nothing really new or unique there.

I'm sure it gets better later, but I'm putting this down, now.
GL.


Ray



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Fredostar2011
Posted: February 19th, 2011, 8:03am Report to Moderator
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thank you Ray.... Much needed... I'm going to post the updated new version soon so I can take this down...
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QLavelle2002
Posted: March 10th, 2011, 12:49am Report to Moderator
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I really like the premise, and I really wanted to read your script more, but it was hard with the sluglines, dialogue, and words all jammed together. It makes it hard for anyone to wanna read. Plus, you don't have a cover page, you need a cover page. Also, check out my script "Down Home Blues" posted on here under Action/Adventure.
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Ledbetter
Posted: March 10th, 2011, 12:54am Report to Moderator
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Gee, nice plug QLavelle2002

This comment brought to you by "Down Home Blues" posted on here under Action/Adventure.

As phil puts it (and rightfully so) give some reads and comments and your script will get the same in return.

Shawn.....><
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