How Does It Feel by Alfredo Williams - Comedy, Romance - An overly confident man has control over his sexual exploits until he meets a woman with his same inadequacies, which makes his lifestyle even more turbulent.  121 pages - pdf, format

Hi, Alfredo

First, the right justified CUT TO:s and BACK TO:s have gotta go.
You need just regular, normal slugs in there.
That'll probably cut down five wasted pages alone.

And I don't know whassup with the justified dialog.
It should be indented with ragged right.

There's a fair bit of other formatting issues going on as well.
Forgiving those (there are no page numbers!) I'm down to page ten or so and there's neither comedy nor romance going on.

We have a dozen pages of routine lovers-triangle-going-to-h3ll at a hotel.
Nothing really new or unique there.

I'm sure it gets better later, but I'm putting this down, now.
GL.


Ray

thank you Ray.... Much needed... I'm going to post the updated new version soon so I can take this down...

I really like the premise, and I really wanted to read your script more, but it was hard with the sluglines, dialogue, and words all jammed together. It makes it hard for anyone to wanna read. Plus, you don't have a cover page, you need a cover page. Also, check out my script "Down Home Blues" posted on here under Action/Adventure.

Gee, nice plug QLavelle2002

This comment brought to you by "Down Home Blues" posted on here under Action/Adventure.

As phil puts it (and rightfully so) give some reads and comments and your script will get the same in return.

Shawn.....><