Hi Tim. Your logline caught my attention, and so far what I've read is pretty funny... However, I was a little thrown by:
INT. A RUN-DOWN SHOWER - DAY It is a few weeks before.
I'm almost certain you would SUPERIMPOSE this part.
INT. RUN-DOWN SHOWER - DAY
SUPER: "Three weeks earlier" or "THREE WEEKS EARLIER"
or however many weeks your few weeks are. Hopefully some of our seasoned screenwriters on here can advise otherwise, but I think SUPER is one of the ways to convey this.
Some of your sluglines are not done properly.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE GRACE FILMS STUDIO - MOMENTS LATER should read EXT. GRACE FILM STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
I see you're using the names of known actors in your script as characters (Scott Bakula)... that's probably not wise, unless they've authorized it personally.
This story has great potential... IMO, but it needs some tweaking. I do see TRUDY as the holier than thou Psycho beauty, killing people to get ahead.
I read about 13 pages.
Dawn |