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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  The Inanimates Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: September 28th, 2012, 5:47pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Inanimates by Steven Guggenheimer (sguggen) - Comedy - Chuck Stratton fears his perfect life is going to bore him to death. Fred Kirkland fears that his furniture is going to kill him. Who’s got it worse? 122 pages - pdf, format


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bleyshon
Posted: November 18th, 2012, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
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Page 1 has a few formatting errors. after putting the character in CAPITALS, introduce him with a sentence or two. It should go... FRED, early 20's, neither attractive or unattractive, unshaven,...

Also, the SOUNDS should always be in capitals. SHUFFLES.

Page 2 - keep to one exclamation mark. Introduce the ORDERLY, even though they are a minor character.

I read through to page 6 and noticed the same mistakes.

Also, Im not sure if youre supposed to use CUT TO:'s as it is just a spec script. They add the camera stuff in later. Just FADE IN and TO BLACK is all I use.

Saying that, can someone back me up as my formatting is still getting there.

Congratulations on completing a script though.

BLeyshon
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NW3
Posted: November 18th, 2012, 8:43pm Report to Moderator
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Hey BLeyshon,

I don't know if sguggen is here to appreciate your thoughtful remarks, I should guess that as his script has lain unreviewed for two months, he is not. I can review your review.

I took a quick look at THE INANIMATES when it was posted and like you got from the first few pages that it probably wasn't worth reading on. The logline was a pointer to that. I don't mind quirky but it got just silly when Chuck and Sarah and Timmy joined the story. I would like it better without all the exclamations.

You ask for backup on formatting. There are every kind of reviewer here so you find endless debate about things like CUT TO; some for, some against. If your script is good it doesn't matter, but sometimes advice like that is the best one can give. Similarly, the trend seems to be that sounds no longer need to be capitalised, but doing that or not should hardly be an issue. I can't remember ever reading a script here that didn't have at least some spelling mistakes and format issues.

The most useful reviews I think concentrate on the story, perhaps mentioning plot points that don't seem to make sense or things in the script that are not explained properly. Any writer should appreciate that. In this case, I know from the logline that the first character believes his furniture is trying to kill him but 10 pages in, I'm not seeing it. Every reader is different and some writers welcome ideas and suggestions for the story and others see it as an affront.

Steven, if you are around join in, and I'll give your script another look.


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bleyshon
Posted: November 19th, 2012, 6:47am Report to Moderator
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Hi NW3,

thanks for the review on the review. You say sounds no longer need to be capitilised?

I didnt really know whether to comment on the story or not as I'm still newish to screenwriting.
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NW3
Posted: November 19th, 2012, 12:55pm Report to Moderator
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Your review is fine, if Steven is here to read it - many writers seem to post a script and never find their way to these forums.

I wouldn't say it's right or wrong that sounds should "always" be in capitals but that is the sort of advice that reviewers like to give that doesn't really help when other things need attention. All I meant was that it doesn't matter if sounds are capitalised or not (there is probably a very long thread hereabouts with some saying yes and some saying no, depending whether they have read or agree with David Trottier...) for the purposes of this site it's the story that matters. As you point out, those other things are more for the shooting script.

PM me if you want more reasoning on this, or find William Goldman's 'Adventures in the Screen Trade' to get what should have been the last word on CUT TO, from 1983. I think he admits that when he first used it, he was newish to screenwriting too!
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