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Back To Real Life by Marianna - Comedy - A teacher breaks up with her husband because of her addiction to an online video game. Meanwhile, a young female cartoonist, who secretly has a crush on her and draws her face as her comic's heroine, starts playing the same video game as a male player to make her fall in love. 100 pages - pdf, format
Okay, read the first five pages and you're violating almost every rule of selling a spec script.
1. Camera direction everywhere. You need to drop all of it.
2. Several big blocks of text. Should be 3-4 lines max.
3. Song title to open the script. Unless you own the rights to the song drop it.
4. A lot of redundant stuff. Exp: Melissa greets her students is an action line. Then you follow it up with dialgoue of them exchanging pleasantries.
5. Always follow the "get in late, get out early" apporach. Way too many of your scenes open with characters exchanging pleasantries. That's an example of getting in too early. Why do we need to see that?
You might have a great story here, however, most people won't read much past what i did with all no-nos.
Hi thank you very much for the tips! I will do all the edits you suggested. Except for the music because it's a 18th century music and as far as I know any music before 1923 can be used without owning the rights.