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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  ›  Unproduced Screenplay Discussion  ›  Comedy Scripts  ›  Food Porn Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: July 4th, 2015, 8:55pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Food Porn by Maciej Fita - Comedy - Culinary school dropout and local grocery store manager gets laid off and embarks on a cross country journey with unpredictable best friend and eccentric dad after being accepted to be on the Chopped TV show. 92 pages - pdf, format


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cloroxmartini
Posted: July 5th, 2015, 12:35pm Report to Moderator
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Read the first 3 pages and the jokes weren't funny to me.

Couple things: when we see Zack, put a name badge on him with "MANAGER" written on it. Don't tell me he's the store manager, show me.

When Zack calls his dad, don't tell me he is calling his dad. You make that clear when we see the old guy pick up the phone and Zack says hi, dad.

You need a good edit for that kind of thing.
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