SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is June 21st, 2021, 10:08pm
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Produced Script Database (Updated!)
The June Challenge Scripts are up! is up!

stand by

The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Why Me? Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Why Me?  (currently 1246 views)
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 3:45pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Why Me? by Ryan Phillips - Comedy - Curtis Smalls is on house arrest for the simple fact that he was caught red handed with someone else stolen merchandise. Now the courts have him on house arrest for an unknown time. But the only way that can happen is that he has to stay with a responsible adult. He picks his older sister Susan. Susan used to be a former city judge who didnít take any crap. 57 pages - pdf, format

Visit for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at:
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: November 10th, 2015, 1:29pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Your formatting seems to be off.  I'm not sure why you are using all caps for action lines.  Also spacing is wrong.  You have caps and underlines in dialogue.

I have to say after reading the first scene with Curtis, I would have not reason to continue reading, he just doesn't seem like a likable person.  Not saying that can't change but it certainly didn't hook me to watch/read more.

Also your logline is very long.

Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
Posted: November 11th, 2015, 7:28pm Report to Moderator

Nottingham, UK
Posts Per Day
Hey Ryan, I wanted to read your script but your it's too difficult tp read because I am, like everybody else, used to certain format. I use CELTX, it's competely free and it's pleasure to work with once u get used to it. If u need some more advice, drop me a line,

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
Pale Yellow
Posted: November 11th, 2015, 9:29pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Posts Per Day
Hi there writer...

Definitely have to brush up on format. Also not sure I like the talking talking talking for pages at a time. I do believe though that the story may be good enough to rework it a bit. Like instead of the talking on the phone to his sister, why not have his lawyer or parole officer drop him off at Susan's house maybe while she's having a dinner date or something so that they are put into awkward situations. Him calling her is not really giving the stakes that you are after. He gets out of jail...shows up at his sister's house who he hasn't talked to since high school or something? Also I'd change the offense on the first two pages. It would be better if you made it something outlandishly almost funny...use some dark humor instead of sex with minors. That is just icky and would work more if you were writing a thriller, horror, or something dark,

One other thing, and I've only read about ten pages...but the characters sound like they are all the same. Like the lawyer should definitely have a different sound with her words than the main character. Make them stand out and fit the character you have written here. Maybe a lawyer with an alcohol problem(slips flask at weirdest moments). And maybe a crime that is crazy hard to believe and ridiculous.

Good luck with this. It's so hard but I know you can do it. Buckle some pro scripts. If you need some pro pilots to read, pm me your email and I'll send you some. Then get Celtx or some writing softward to help you with the format and you will have a better script in the end.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
Posted: November 12th, 2015, 8:47am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Posts Per Day
This seems to be a comedy series script, so it's listed in the wrong category.

Most/Many comedies are produced with multiple-camera-setup. Final drafts of those series definitely look like the script here, in general.

Don't know if this special formatting already starts in spec scripts, since I have no broad knowledge about the topic...

Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006