Again by Ted Scott - Comedy - An arrogant twenty-something-year-old gets a spell put on him that forces him to relive certain situations throughout his day. 99 pages - pdf, format

Hey Ted,

I only skimmed through the script and I'm afraid this needs some work. Here's what I noticed instantly:

1) You're already making a mistake on the title page. "written by:" should be "written by"
2) "FADE IN:" should be on the left side from my understanding.
3) You're wasting tons of lines. Your action paragrahps barely exceed two lines. You're using a new line for nearly everything. Why??
4) The dialogues have way too many one-liners.
5) There are pages that are filled entirely with dialogue, don't do that. There's gotta be at least one line of action.
6) 99 pages is way too long for a comedy spec but then again if you'd write more efficiently the page count would be lower.

Good luck with the script.

Logline sounded promising but the execution to page 12 isn't all that entertaining. When you set something up with God, your follow up should be better and it's not. You're not making a connection to the opening shot soon enough.