SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is November 24th, 2020, 11:50am
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Dead Beat Island Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Dead Beat Island  (currently 775 views)
Don
Posted: June 7th, 2017, 7:06pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
14280
Posts Per Day
1.97
Dead Beat Island. by James Kearney - Comedy, Zombie, Horror - Zombie, Comedy, Horror about a group of friends from 2017 lost at sea on a raft, they drift through some mist at night and when they come out the other side, they find themselves in the 1800s wild west. 89 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at: facebook.com/UCanBeSafe/
-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Redfly
Posted: June 13th, 2017, 12:34am Report to Moderator
New-ish



Posts
14
Posts Per Day
0.00
So I just started this.  The logline needs a bit of work, but I thought the premise and title were interesting, and I'm fan of horror comedies.  Kudos on finishing the script.

Something I noticed, though.  I haven't seen this done in other scripts before, but you put descriptions along with the dialogue.  I don't think that's necessary, and you could probably nix adding the word 'accent' with the descriptions.  Instead of saying someone has an Irish or Polish accent, I might just say they're Irish or Polish.

So I might make it look something like...


Quoted Text

EXT. OCEAN -- RAFT -- NIGHT

A FULL MOON lights up the ocean and itís only occupants adrift on the raft, all mid-30's and wearing speedos and sandals.

CALEB, plump, Irish--

CALEB
I'm so hungry.


MIKE, tall, skinny, hippy stoner from Texas--

MIKE
A rescue party should have been looking for us by now.



Etc.

And I'd avoid using words like 'angle on' and 'we' in the script.  

Although my interest was piqued about something when I started this.  The eight men: who are they, how did they get there, why were they there? Personally, I think it'd be a good starting point to explore a little bit of how they got into the raft.

Good luck in your future writing endeavors.  And again, awesome that you finished the script.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006