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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Crazy Ball Player Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 11th, 2017, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Crazy Ball Player by Jeremiah Ford - Comedy - Levi Rothbaum is at a very high point in his career, but he has a cocaine addiction.  Will he be able to conquer his demons and begin a fresh sober life? 178 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Bogey
Posted: December 12th, 2017, 10:19am Report to Moderator
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Jeremiah-

Crazy Ball Player is crazy long at 178 pages. For a comedy, you'll have to get it under 115 pages to get any serious traction. Your page margins appear to cheat at the top and bottom, so I'm guessing that 178 is closer to 190 using industry standard margins. Yikes.

Start chiseling away at the action descriptions (3-4 lines max), and say the dialogue lines out loud to get a feel for what it would sound like. The dialogue I read on the first couple pages was very stiff and unrealistic, and paging through the script I saw pages and pages of huge chunks of dialogue that I would go mad reading.

I suggest you read some scripts posted under the Black List or Award Season forum links posted here to get a better feel for what you need to do on a rewrite.

Good luck.



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