Bury the Hatchet by Major - Comedy - A pair of enemies from high school are forced to co-operate when a murder occurs at their high school reunion. 100 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

10 pages in.

The Alice/Charlie conversation is way too long winded in my opinion. Try to cut some of that out. Also, is it necessary to have two separate scenes for the conversation? Why not just have the whole conversation in the car, or have Charlie come through the door with a suitcase and start the scene from there?

The description of Jesse being suspicious of the construction workers is impossible to portray to the audience with the way it's written. The average person isn't going to catch the fact that they're not wearing uniforms or hats.