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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Innocence Moderators: bert
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  Author    Innocence  (currently 313 views)
Posted: December 19th, 2019, 12:28pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Innocence by Reya Kumar - Comedy, Drama - Defining moments in an innocent girl's life as she is exposed to sex, vaping, and drinking. 22 pages  - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

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Posted: December 20th, 2019, 10:09pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

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Reya: welcome to the site.

Quoted Text


Valli (mom, 31 year old) is packing lunches. Karthik (dad, 32
years old) is finishing up his breakfast. Kamala (2 years
old) is playing with a toy car.

Amma, where did I come from.

When you want to put in a year - you should use a SUPER (as in Superimpose) right after your opening action/description.

Trying active by getting rid of the ing words -  e.g., rather than "is pacing" - go with packs.

telling us they are Mom and Dad is a bit of an unfilmable - we can't see that - let the dialogue do the trick.

Always CAP your characters when first intro'd.

Add a little more description.

Taking this all in - the opening would be something like:


VALLI (31) packs lunches on the counter as KARTHIK (32),
finishes up is breakfast at a small dinette.

SUPER: 2003

KAMALA (2) plays with a toy car on the kitchen floor.

My Scripts can all be seen here:
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