SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is November 24th, 2020, 8:43am
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Doubles Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Doubles  (currently 819 views)
spesh2k
Posted: April 22nd, 2020, 1:03am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Harlem USA
Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.19

Quoted Text
By the way, most of my life has been marred by a serious case of OCD.  OCD is not usually the result of experiences in life, such as a tyrannical father who lashes his child's feet for touching a line.  I sort of broke the cardinal rule of exploiting mental illness for the sake of plot development.  However, I try not to exploit his OCD for laughs; rather, I exploit Sam's cruelty in dealing with Scab's OCD, hence the scenes of Sam poking and prodding Scab with the racket while on court in an attempt to cause Scab to step on a line.  I just add this because, as the straight character, I'm not sure how much laughter should come at the expense of his having OCD.  I'm looking for the OCD to be Scab's sympathetic trait.


I'm not saying make fun of it -- but some funny scenarios can come from it. I'm sorry to hear you've had to deal with that, but is it too offensive to joke about? Maybe, I'm not sure. I do know some funny scenarios can come from it without making fun of it. Kingpin had some funny jokes about Woody Harrelson missing a hand and I don't think the amputee community got too offended by it. I know losing a hand doesn't fall under mental illness, but you get what I'm saying. It can be a sympathetic trait while getting some funny scenarios out of it. And what if it isn't really OCD? It could just stem from a traumatic experience -- for instance, in The Suicide Theory (sorry if it sounds like self promotion on your thread), the main character has trouble crossing the street because of a traumatic incident. It doesn't have to be OCD -- it could be something Scab needs to get over, symbolizing in a way, becoming his own man and breaking free of the trauma inflicted on him by his father. I think more people could identify with that, thus draw sympathy -- and then have us cheer for him when he does finally step on the line.


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 45 - 52
stampede331
Posted: April 22nd, 2020, 1:23am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
68
Posts Per Day
0.01
Oh, wait, sorry if it sounds like I'm squeamish about making jokes about OCD.  I'm fine with that.  I meant that in Scab being the straight man to Sam's comic foil, I just want to make sure that Sam is exploiting Scab's OCD; in other words, I do want to use the OCD to comic effect.  I just want to highlight Sam's juvenile insecurity through his meanness about the OCD.  But I"m also okay with mining OCD for comic effect if I can think of a joke good enough.  As acted, he's gonna be hopping over lines the whole movie in the action scenes, which I imagine will be funny.  But, perhaps unfortunately, I don't take too much offense to most jokes, so long as I see a purpose that isn't arbitrary, like so many Will Ferrell movies where I feel there is a laziness to the jokes.  But exploiting the humor of OCD in furtherance of the story and the characters - that's what I'm aiming to do in some respects.  And pimp your movie all you want.  You had a fuckin' movie made from your script.  That's awesome.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 46 - 52
spesh2k
Posted: April 22nd, 2020, 1:31am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Harlem USA
Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.19
Even though Scab is the straight guy, it doesn't mean he can't be funny, too -- I think it may depend on the actor. Woody Harrelson plays the straight guy in Kingpin and he's hilarious in it. DeNiro was a funny straight guy in "Midnight Run", Steve Martin in "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", etc. One of the things that made them funny was their reactions to the goofball. Yes, Scab jumping over lines can be funny -- especially if he has to use a bathroom with tiled floors.

Especially with Sam and Scab being college roommates, there's a lot of potential there w/ the whole OCD thing. What if Sam draws lines on the floor or something to fuck with him -- probably not a great example, but you get what I'm getting at.


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 47 - 52
stampede331
Posted: April 22nd, 2020, 1:37am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
68
Posts Per Day
0.01
I totally get what you're getting at.  And as someone who struggled with tiled floors, I have a million idea for mining that.  It's just that my script is already too long so I'm trying to trim the fat.  But if I think of an OCD joke that works, it's going in.  OCD hardened me, rather than make me sensitive.  Again, not sure if that's good or bad, or what effect that will ultimately have on my writing, but don't feel at all like you have to worry I'll take offense to any suggestions.  I'm actually watching Kingpin now for the first time in years, just to see if the template gives me any more ideas for Doubles.  

God, you got me thinking about my own OCD and tile floors again.  I have been in remission for about four years.  I like your idea of a quick bathroom tile joke.  I just want it to be for the sake of plot furtherance.  I'll def let you know if I figure out where to put that in.

Revision History (1 edits)
stampede331  -  April 22nd, 2020, 2:16am
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 48 - 52
stampede331
Posted: April 27th, 2020, 7:43pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
68
Posts Per Day
0.01
A scene I added based on some suggestions.  May be too minimal but I was trying to fit in two important details - a second call to Anna (post breakup) and a scene involving Scab's OCD off the court, in a small amount of time.  Some context provided by adding the end of the prior scene and the beginning of the scene to come after:


SCAB
Perfect, because the tournament starts in two weeks.

SAMUEL
That gives us no time to practice.

SCAB
Practice?!  When have we ever practiced?

INT. 5-STAR HOTEL - EVENING

Scab, who leans back on a luxury loveseat, picks his cellphone up from an ottoman where his feet rest.  He searches for Anna in his contact list and calls her.  The phone rings a few times.

INT. ANNA�S HOME - BEDROOM - NIGHT
She receives a call from Scab.  She reaches for the phone before deciding not to answer.

INT. 5-STAR HOTEL - CONTINUED

The call goes to voicemail.  He hangs up.  He walks toward the bathroom, tiptoeing over the lines of the manifestly tiled floor until he arrives.

CUT TO:

EXT. ARTHUR ASHE STADIUM - GROUNDS - DAY

Sam and Scab walk through the grounds of the Billie Jean King Tennis Center.  Tennis is played around them, both singles and doubles.  Scab is still bearded.  He wears a conventional tennis outfit.  Sam wears his high school Nike tennis hoodie and sweats with the BEATS headphones, despite oppressive heat.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 49 - 52
spesh2k
Posted: April 27th, 2020, 8:06pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Harlem USA
Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.19
Ah, I like that, works well. And there's an improvement in the writing. Though you don't need CUT TO's in your script, almost ever.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 50 - 52
stampede331
Posted: April 27th, 2020, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
68
Posts Per Day
0.01
Good, I'm gonna erase em now and see how many pages go away.

What about here:

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Of course, it was too late that year for proselytization by way of the pussy to occur for Samuel and the game of tennis.  The season was almost over, and with the exception of Scab, the team was abysmal.  

CUT TO:
A row of courts...the camera pans across each one...on one side, balls skid into the net one after the next after the next...until we reach Scab’s court, where winner after winner is hit.

NARRATOR
Scab continued to win all of his singles matches, though he struggled navigating the the whole court with all those lines.

CUT TO:
Scab leaps acrobatically over a line after hitting a winner.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Samuel never did finish his thesis, though he did form a definite opinion on whom the hottest wife of a tennis player was.

CUT TO:
Samuel ogles various photos of Bridgette Wilson, the wife of Pete Sampras

NARRATOR
The school decided to graduate him  to high school anyways, mostly out of pity for the injury he suffered, but also because there wasn’t a teacher who could afford to...

CUT TO:
FEMALE TEACHER ONE, who fucked him, scores Samuel an A - for the year in her grading book

NARRATOR (V.O.)
or who wanted to endure another year of him.  

CUT TO:
FEMALE TEACHER 2, who believed she saw Samuel working on his thesis, appraises the thesis he turns in.  It’s just his name and a series of pictures of Brigette Wilson wit Sam’s head cropped in for Pete’s.  She score shim a C-.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
For this, I’m thankful, because I happen to cover the high school tennis circuit and it’s in the spring of the following year when our story resumes.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 51 - 52
stampede331
Posted: April 27th, 2020, 8:30pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
68
Posts Per Day
0.01
I have a lot of cut tos that are essentially montage style scene shifts that are necessary for character reactions.  I'm not saying the CUT TO: is necessary.  But I don't know how to write a lot of the scenes in this script without CUT TO, even if this is not the correct way to be writing.

I also use cut to for newspaper clippings.  Not sure if this is correct.

Revision History (1 edits)
stampede331  -  April 27th, 2020, 9:12pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 52 - 52
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006