script removed
Black Wall of Silence by Teddy Moore - Drama, Horror - “Black wall of silence” , is an adaptation of the book “Victimization by justice”,by the author ,Teddy Moore. (See:www.injustice.ws) The screenplay is a police investigation into the business of the judiciary,which concludes with arrests of the culprits.Incredible scary story.  The drama may be presented to a Jury as evidence to convict the Judges and some of the lawyers.The investigation illustrates the effect of a broken legal system on everyday people and on the system itself.The power play between the Media ,Congress,and the Judiciary unfolds to the climax,when the judiciary,in order to protect itself,threatens an injunction against Congress which may be enforced by orders of contempt.The constitutional crisis was dissolved,and the screenplay ends on a dramatic  climax. This view of the judiciary was taboo by now.The screenplay is in line with other legal dramas as “A civil Action”or “Erin Brockovich”. - rtf format.

Teddy Moore also wrote American Flight 587, which was taken off the board (for whatever reason).  It was an amusing read, but not for any good reason.  I'll give BWoS a look.


Phil

American Flight 587 was removed at the request of the writer.

Don

I gave it a look...

BWoS is poorly formatted.  The directing is extremely wordy and is filled with direction that can not be shown.  Examples of this include:

(After passerbys of a car car accident steal money from the accident victim):  "All seem happy with the quick buck they made.  Thank God."

How do you show 'thank God' on the screen?


"This is MISTER SMITH, the plaintiff.  Another client of Moore, who is led to the slaughter."

Smith is sitting in the court room.  How does this show that he is led to the slaughter?


(regarding Judge Ramos):  "He is the only judge with a pocket for envelopes in his robe.  Or is he?"

How do you show 'or is he?' on the screen?


The dialogue is phony and on-the-nose.  

(an unnamed police officer talking):  "Let's follow the money; we have to collect the evidence, do some surveillance, taping, and good old investigation. Will the blue wall of silence of the police break the black wall of silence of the judiciary?"


(Unsuccessful lawyer):  Why can't I win a case? Are all my clients so bad and unjust? Is something in my paperwork missing? Is this the problem? I know that opposing counsels are concerned when they appear against me but they always win. Why? What is it that will change this in my favor? Should I befriend the judge? It's a good idea to have a judge as your friend. I can't think about it. How can somebody bribe a judge? Ask the FBI?"


Teddy Moore is/was a lawyer in New York City who apparently didn't have a good time doing it.  He wrote this script (based on his book) to show how corrupt the judicial system is.  Unfortunately, he beats you over the head with it.  Judge Ramos is more corrupt than water is wet.  The entire world knows he corrupt and he doesn't care.  The cops and FBI agents are buffoons who just accept things the way they are.

The script is also filled with formatting problems.  Dialogue is mixed in with direction and vice versa.  The awkward writing makes me think that the script was written in a different language and translated into English with some cheap software package.

His other script, American Flight 587 suffered the same problems.  

I know that what I wrote is pretty harsh, but the only way to be about this script would be to not write anything about it.  Sorry.


Phil

I thank you for taking time to review two screenplays of mine.There are many screenplays that are eager for attention and can not get it.Thank you for your attention to my work. Can you explain why you decided to look at my work,which is so bad in your opinion and not view some good screenplays out there?  

In your other script, American Flight 587, you included in your logline that it was a finalist in 'the screenwriting competition of 2004.'  Or something like that.  The first person to review this script called your bluff on it, which made me want to read some of it.

Besides, I can't tell whether a script is good or bad until I look at it, can I?


Phil

I am sure that you found other "bad" screenplays,which you have not responded to, why?
It seems that my script made something special for you.
I think that you are wrong on all points that you raised,which is probably based on a wrong translation from a far eastern language.Japanese?

I have responded to other 'bad' screenplays.  Look around for what I have written.  And read some other screenplays; that's how this site works.

In regards to the formatting, you're supposed to write what the audience would see on the screen.  Narrative doesn't include 'thank God' in it because you can't show it.  And, to repeat myself here, how does the camera see that a man sitting in a court room is being led to slaughter?  You describe things as they occur.  And then there's what you wrote regarding pockets in Ramos' robe.  Based on what you wrote, how does the camera suggest that other judges may be on the take?

Please answer these questions for me.


Phil



Phil