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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Drifting East Moderators: bert
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  Author    Drifting East  (currently 2169 views)
Don
Posted: August 9th, 2009, 9:09am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Drifting East by RJ Rotell (akiratalon39) - Drama - In the midst of nuclear war, three men traverse the east coast in search for their families. As their car breaks down, they seek refuge on a water-surrounded hotel island. But, of course, their little paradise won't last forever. 108 pages - pdf, format


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screenplay_novice
Posted: August 11th, 2009, 1:49am Report to Moderator
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I've read 32 pages so far and my only critique at this point is that it needs action. It's an intriguing story, but there needs to be something happening to help add to the suspense, something that pushes the story along. Right now your characters are stressed about making it to Virginia, but there hasn't been any tense situations in the first 32 pages to make it stand out. I would suggest going back and adding a scene or two to help capture the attention of readers.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's boring, there just isn't enough happening to the characters at this point to make me feel for them. It's late, going on 2:00 AM here in Tennessee. I'll finish reading it tomorrow. It's not bad though. I'll comment further once I've finished it.


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John Mavity
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screenplay_novice
Posted: August 11th, 2009, 11:38pm Report to Moderator
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I completed your script. There certainly was a lot of situational stuff going on. I still think there needs to be more action though. Although the characters were pretty well written, I'd like to read a little more about Lewis' background. His character was a bit mysterious, which worked well for him, but you could still give tantalizing clues about him without giving anything away. If this is your first work, it isn't bad. I enjoyed it.  


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John Mavity
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