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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Christopher Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 25th, 2010, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Christopher by Leonard Chitunhu (Marcus Gravy) - Drama - The Big Apple, where unconscience men (men with no conscience) become wise guys. Gangster's paradise, where bad man become goodfellas, putting vice into service. One man came to save gangsters from themselves. His name is Christopher. He likes to meat people. 126 pages - pdf, format


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Thornton
Posted: September 6th, 2010, 2:31pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Leonard,

I think you need to re-work your logline. If there's a significant number of errors in it, I would suggest people won't read your script. I've never heard of the word 'unconscience' - do you mean immoral? 'Where bad man..' Do you mean bad men? 'He likes to meat people' Do you mean 'meet' people or is it meant to be a pun. I read the first couple of pages, but again too many errors for me to continue.

Sorry Leonard, but it's important that you try to eradicate as many errors from your logline and script before you submit it.

May I suggest you re-work it and then re-submit (if that's possible to do)

Good luck,
Thornton
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