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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Sunset Ridge Moderators: bert
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  Author    Sunset Ridge  (currently 1406 views)
Posted: December 10th, 2010, 8:12pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Sunset Ridge by J. S. Nelson - Drama - Economic hardship propels an obscure factory worker on a journey of self-discovery that changes her life forever, as well as the lives of people she meets along the way. 124 pages - doc, format

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John C
Posted: December 22nd, 2010, 6:22pm Report to Moderator

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If this is going to be a character driven story (as it sounds from your logline), you should include something that reveals who the main character is, and what trait(s) sets her apart. There is none in your logline, and all we know is that she's an unemployed factory worker. We don't know anything about the self-discovery she is after, or who she meets along the way, both of which I assume are important to the script.

As it currently is, this is the sort of generic logline template that we've seen countless times before:  __________ character is propelled on a journey that changes his/her life and those s/he meets along the way. This will get you nowhere. I'm sorry.
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