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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Coming Home Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 24th, 2011, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Coming Home by Jeff Thompson - Drama - You Can Never Go Home. 109 pages - pdf, format


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: March 24th, 2011, 11:37pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Hello Jeff,

I just want to kick this up because your title caught my attention and so I decided to do a mini-dip into your work.

I have to say that you have an extraordinary eye for visuals as witnessed by your first long paragraph. Although it might be highly unusual for a screenplay, the way it was done, I really think that you captured what was going on on screen extremely well.

In the future, break up such a long paragraph and tighten and shorten it to the point where you have to kill a lot of it.

Seriously, you have that knack for visuals though and I will try and spend some time on some of your script.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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jthompson
Posted: March 27th, 2011, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
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hey thanks for the comments Sandra, will work on that.

Jeff
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