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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Copper City Streets Moderators: bert
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  Author    Copper City Streets  (currently 1264 views)
Don
Posted: March 24th, 2011, 5:08pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Copper City Streets by Jim Watts (vagabondsaints) - Drama, Camden - A Tattoo artist deals with impending fame, the one who got away, clients, and the antics of his friends and coworkers. 75 pages - pdf, format


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jackx
Posted: March 25th, 2011, 8:31am Report to Moderator
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Hmmm
Need to get rid of those little scene titles, 'zombie intro', meeting the guys.

that whole zombie scene needs to be formatted correctly.  which definitely means not being in all caps.  
Does it matter what shirt hes wearing?  Nope then get rid of it.  thats wardrobe.  screenwriting can be a little more vague and concise.

K I got about three pages in.  You need to check out formatting, how it should be done.  Also get rid of unfilmables, and what exactly does an itunes pussy playlist consist of?  do you really want the audience reading each band?

action lines shouldnt be in parentheses and the 'end scene' needs to go.

this reads like you outlining a movie in your head more than an actual script.

You could have a great story here, but noone will know because the formatting is too far off.  Read some of the other scripts here and youll get a better idea what you're doing wrong.

good luck with it.


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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