Hi Michael - interesting script, nicely written, but my problem with it was that it was just a little bit dull - hate to say it, but the opening scenes are written quite - gently - it's a war scene - there needs to be some AGGRESSION to it:
Lt Hughes leads the Rangers out into the waist deep water up to the rocky beach. Lovely.
Out of context, this could be a warm evening training exercise.
Lt Hughes SCREAMS orders as the Rangers BOLT out of the craft -
GUNFIRE peppers the water -
Chaos as -
A bullet RIPS through a Ranger -
A RACE to the beach, desperation, fear...
- anything to give it an edge.
Machine guns fire down from the left, killing many...
Machine guns BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!
Bullets RIP through Rangers -
TEARING flesh -
the water runs RED
- or similar.
It just needs more, than a pleasant re-telling - I need to be there with those guys, feeling their fear - and I'm just not getting that. |
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Meet Me In Crawford
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