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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Strippers are People too Moderators: bert
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  Author    Strippers are People too  (currently 1012 views)
Posted: December 9th, 2016, 5:18pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Strippers are People too. by O'Shea Wright - Drama - A man who is against woman taking their clothes off for money, struggles to bring a stripper to realize that she is worth more than the job she endures on a daily basis.  But, the boss, he's not hearing that.  109 pages - pdf, format

production  Audio version available on YouTube - pdf, format

[b]New writer interested in feedback on this work

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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  June 17th, 2017, 11:04am
revised draft
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Posted: December 10th, 2016, 11:15am Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Southern California
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O'Shea, just from the opening page  - this needs a lot of work.

Quoted Text
Strippers are People too. Copyright (c) 2014.
Written by O’Shea Wright.

Should be on the title page - not the first page of the script.

Quoted Text

Error in scene heading. Fade in should be on a separate line - need a period after INT.

From scrolling down, I could see many other errors in the scene headings.

The following action blocks are far too long, disorganized and written in passive voice.

I stopped.

So, you may have a great concept here - but you really need to do some research on script formatting, etc. You can do that by googling (e.g., how to write a scene heading) to looking at other scripts. But you simply are not ready in terms of structure. Hope this helps - best of luck.

My Scripts can all be seen here:
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