Chasing a Murder by Ryan Beane - Drama - After getting framed for the murder of a local scientist and without a way of contacting her 7-year-old son, penniless journalist Zari Young must gather clues and get a story out of the real murderer with nearly the whole city against her, including her secretly-psychopathic boss. 107 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

@Ryan...

Welcome to the boards.

Just passing through.  Skimmed over it quick...

Code The worker shakes his head, as Zari runs to the small, business-related lobby with only one RECEPTIONIST working at an oversized desk in the center. Zari’s wearing a faded, worn suit. She sprints by the complimentary breakfast area, and quickly shoves a mini muffin down her throat. She takes some granola bars, and smuggles them in her pocket. Then, Zari takes some napkins and dips them in water, and presses them up against her sweaty armpits, all doing this while running to a crowded elevator filled with WORKERS. It closes.

You've got a lot of words.  Like, a lot. Of words.  A whole lot full of them.  A parking lot full of words.  This scene could easily be condensed to two or three lines (not paragraphs- lines!), and still maintain the same mood.  You just have to use the right words.  Are you supposed to be "detailed, but not too detailed"?  No.  You're supposed to be as efficient as possible. Screenwriting is in many ways like Haiku.  Very few words, a whole lot of meaning.

Drive-by comments:

Intro the characters is not right.  Dialogue seems a bit on the nose. Action and descriptions need to be tight...it's a screenplay for a movie, not a novel.  It's late so I won't elaborate, but will further... just as soon as you (@OP) acknowledge my post.

Ghostie