U.S. vs. Them by Jason Grassi - Drama - "U.S. vs. Them" tells the story of unlikely allies battling a zombie outbreak and opportunistic enemies after a catastrophic Russian invasion sparks chaos in America’s heartland. 122 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Dear Jason,
The scene descriptions seem at first as way too detailed. You list almost everything that's inside the secret "End of the world storage bunker" rather than just the pieces garnered. However, the action paragraphs (though they get longer and longer!) show movement, intent and are tightly written. Maybe a tad more white space to make then even more friendly upon the eye.
A lot of the dialogue IMHO is not written with precision. Scene heading  Tyler passed out on floor. He then says "What am I doing on the floor?" This is called on-the-nose.
Plot wise, you've crashed a cold war oil resources superpower conflict into a Zeds apocalypse for reasons that escape me.
Confounded by a surprise attack the US military still seem to have flash cards on their opposition. Most of the dialogue from now are info dumps and by page 100 alas I'd started skimming. It feels like an extended chase sequence now and you haven't given me the tools to care.
FYI The Lynda Hayes I worked with was a session singer!! Best - JtF