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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
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Only Fools & Horses - The Glue That Holds Us Together Spec Script by James Klonowski - Dramedy - Del Boy and Rodney are back. They might be much older, but they're not much wiser. Del has created a super powerful glue which he believes will make him a millionaire... if only he could get the bottles open. Meanwhile, Rodney is going through some problems at home with his teenage daughter, Joan. 60 pages - pdf, format
I read the first half page... being a huge fan of Only Fools and Horses back in the 1980s, I wanted to see if you could pull this off. However, I only needed to read a few lines of dialogue from Delboy to see that it doesn't ring true.
[code]DEL. Very well. What you doing up so early anyway? It's only half past six. We don't usually see you before noon.[/quote]
It's the 'very well' part. I don't remember Del ever speaking like that.
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate that you instantly noticed Del wouldn't say the words "very well" and you're spot on. But the last episode was almost fifteen years ago, and Del would be a lot more mature now and I didn't want him to remain the exact same, so I added in phrases he would've picked up over the years from books and TV shows to sound more posh. Sorry if it wasn't subtle enough.
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate that you instantly noticed Del wouldn't say the words "very well" and you're spot on. But the last episode was almost fifteen years ago, and Del would be a lot more mature now and I didn't want him to remain the exact same, so I added in phrases he would've picked up over the years from books and TV shows to sound more posh.
Del used over exaggerated phrases to sound posh. 'Very well' hardly has the same impact as Del trying to speak French and completely messing it up. If you're going to make changes they should be funny. I can see that you're overprotective of your work, that's fine, you worked hard to write this.
You really should heed the advice given, but I don't really care. Too many wannabe screenwriters anyway. The more that ignore constructive criticism the better.
Quoted Text
Sorry if it wasn't subtle enough.
You mean overly subtle... and you don't need to apologise. I honestly couldn't care less.
I'm not overly protective of my work at all. I like criticism of its constructive. If you discussed the actual story, pace and quality then I'd listen. But all you've mentioned is two words a character spoke which didn't ring true. I'd like to read your script see what it's like
I only wanted to see if you could pull off writing a modern episode of Only Fools and Horses. You failed. The dialogue is off. Not just Del's but I don't believe your version of Raquel either. I'm not going to get to the other characters. According to your logline, nothing much has changed since the last series. Yet to me, it doesn't even seem like the same program. I'd turn it off after a minute's viewing.
I respect everyone's opinion. Have you written any Only Fools Scripts? I'd love to see how you've done it. I purposely changed the characters because Del is 70+ and Raquel is in her 60s, they would change. And remember, the last series of Only Fools was absolutely awful, it should've ended with the original trilogy.
I don't need to have written an Only Fools and Horses script to have an opinion on one. I wouldn't write an Only Fools and Horses episode because they're not my characters. I also didn't watch the last series as I couldn't get through the first episode. Much like with your effort. You should bin it and write something more worthwhile.
Well as I said I respect your advice, but I have gotten emails from Gold and BBC who are interested in possibly developing it, as is Jim Sullivan. So thanks, but I won't be binning it
Well as I said I respect your advice, but I have gotten emails from Gold and BBC who are interested in possibly developing it, as is Jim Sullivan. So thanks, but I won't be binning it
In possibly developing it. Well, we'll see. The BBC are wont to throw money at some silly things at times. I certainly wouldn't be watching it. Not sure why Jim Sullivan would look at your script when he's a writer himself, and failed when trying to take on his dad's characters. You've failed too. Unfortunately, only one man could bring those characters to life and he is no longer with us.