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Training Taylor by April J. Miller - Family - An orphaned 12-year-old boy must create a new life in Montana with an uncle and aunt he's never known. But ranches have lots of ways for a kid to get into trouble. Together, they learn to understand each other and God's plan for their lives by training a Border Collie puppy named Taylor. 122 pages - pdf, format
This is a sweet story and I always appreciate the Christian theme. 1- 122 Pages is way too long. A- Film is a visual medium not a literary medium. Eliminate dialog where a visual scene would make the point. Remember that each page of the script equals one minute of screen time. B- You are very repetitive with the various adventures of your young boy character. One or two major incidents are better than many smaller ones. Choose your scenes carefully.
2- The dialog is very formal. A California boy of that age wouldn't be responding as formally as your character. Make it sound more real. Hint: Record yourself reading the dialog and then play it back and listen to it.
3- The scene in the snow storm where he goes off on his own: Make it more dramatic so that when he does find the lamb and the ewe the audience breathes a sigh of relief.
4- Try to get the screenplay down to 90 pages.
Make those changes and get back to me.; I would like to talk with you regarding possible production.
Christian theme not my thing (bah, humbug), and the logline is all over the place (3 sentences isn't really a logline), so I'll offer a logline rewrite suggestion (keeping in mind I could be way off given that I haven’t read the script):
When an orphaned boy is uprooted from L.A. to Montana to be with relatives he's never known, their differences threaten to tear the family apart until a puppy they’re training begins to train them in the real meaning of life.