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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    February, 2008 One Week Challenge  ›  I Dream of Freedom - OWC
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  Author    I Dream of Freedom - OWC  (currently 4528 views)
Blakkwolfe
Posted: February 29th, 2008, 6:20pm Report to Moderator
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Hey...That was really...short. Formatting was OK, a few awkward phrases and you did have a drama in a prison cell, but it could have been fleshed out a ton more...It's like looking at a snapshot with people you nothing about...This guy ran from the cops, was put in jail, and now he dreams about it...Why was he running? Was he a crooked cop? Was he a drug dealer? Political Activist? Get to know your characters and fill in the blanks...


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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godcursed
Posted: March 5th, 2008, 10:40pm Report to Moderator
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The work is the reward. Cash also sccepted.

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A commercial, a teaser, a hint.
A script.
I suppose, in the way a dorito, two pieces of popcorn and a peanut can be called a snack.
First one I've read, hope they become more of a meal.
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James R
Posted: March 6th, 2008, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
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Supper time!

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Quoted Text
We're supposed to care about your protagonist, but you haven't given us any reason to care.


Go with that. Give us a reason to root for this guy (Save the Cat, anyone?). Otherwise there is no point in telling this story.

Double check for spelling and grammatical errors and build up the plot of this thing and you might have something.

James


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