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I Dream of Freedom - OWC (currently 4528 views)
Blakkwolfe
Posted: February 29th, 2008, 6:20pm
Been Around
Location Florida, USA
Posts 706
Posts Per Day 0.12
Hey...That was really...short. Formatting was OK, a few awkward phrases and you did have a drama in a prison cell, but it could have been fleshed out a ton more...It's like looking at a snapshot with people you nothing about...This guy ran from the cops, was put in jail, and now he dreams about it...Why was he running? Was he a crooked cop? Was he a drug dealer? Political Activist? Get to know your characters and fill in the blanks...
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
Reply: 15 - 17
godcursed
Posted: March 5th, 2008, 10:40pm
New
The work is the reward. Cash also sccepted.
A commercial, a teaser, a hint.
Reply: 16 - 17
James R
Posted: March 6th, 2008, 2:27pm
New
Supper time!
Location Arizona
Posts 219
Posts Per Day 0.04
Quoted Text
We're supposed to care about your protagonist, but you haven't given us any reason to care.
Go with that. Give us a reason to root for this guy (Save the Cat, anyone?). Otherwise there is no point in telling this story.
Double check for spelling and grammatical errors and build up the plot of this thing and you might have something.
James
Reply: 17 - 17
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