Hey Hugh, or Harley. Not sure which you prefer
Welp, I just gave this a read. I saw this was a second draft and I have to say, there were still quite a few typos and apostrophe esses that aren't supposed to be there. I didn't take note of them while I was reading, but if you'd like me to, I can go back and edit them for you so you have an idea of where they're at.
As for the story, I'm gathering from other people's posts that this has gone through quite a rewrite, as there weren't even any goblins in the version I read.
One thing that I can say about this is that it is suspenseful and I kept on reading, trying to figure out what was going to happen. I breezed through it, so good job on that aspect of the story.
However, I don't think I liked John, Jason's and Tracy's involvement of the story. They seemed kind of like just filler to get the backstory of Stingy Jack across. I wonder if you can find some way to work it into Daniel's and Emily's dialogue before their 'car accident'. It'll just cut out some useless pages and unnecessary characters that seemed out of place. I kept on expecting Daniel and Emily to run into them or something.
As for the ending, I'm not too sure I understand it. Why did Stingy Jack seem to terrorize them, but then at the end, just walk off? At least, I think that's what happened. I'll have to go back and read that again, but it seemed a little anti-climactic to me.
But like I said, the suspense leading up to that point was great. I was turning the pages fast to see what would happen. I just think it needs kind of a bigger ending.
I hope this helps some.