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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    February 2011 One Week Challenge  ›  Spike and Hike - Feb 2011 OWC Moderators: Grandma Bear
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  Author    Spike and Hike - Feb 2011 OWC  (currently 2984 views)
Posted: March 3rd, 2011, 5:11pm Report to Moderator
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I like the setting you chose and the story idea was a good but the execution of it...not great.  You jump right in with a bunch of characters we can't visualize because you didn't describe anyone.  So right of the bat we aren't invested in anyone.  They you jump into a flashback.  I just didn't feel connected at any time.

Almost your whole story was told through dialog.  Again...we were just watching stuff happen and not really feeling anything.  So for me there was way too much exposition.  

I think if you slow down the beginning and get us invested in someone then be mindful of the pace so there is plenty of tension.  Then IMO you're story will really shine.
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Posted: March 3rd, 2011, 7:44pm Report to Moderator

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- We're not worthy of a title.
- I think it's the abominable snowman.
- At least give us a Fade To Black.
- This was a bit talky and lost my interest, sorry.

Oh and the title made no sense to me.

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Posted: March 3rd, 2011, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
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Actually, one of the more enjoyable scripts in the OWC (IMHO.)

Yes, there are typos...which is to be expected in a one week challenge.  And if I was going to pick on anything, it would be that some of the setup dialog seemed a bit too much on the nose.

BUT - the story was a satisfying read and the twist slightly different from what I had expected (and that's a good thing.) To top it off, the integration of the MacDhui mythos seemed relatively organic, and not just something pasted into a generic horror script.  

So cheers, and thanks for writing something that made for a good read!
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Posted: March 4th, 2011, 3:50pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

Yes, that is my real hair...

Cave Creek, AZ
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Sorry, this is another one I'm not going to finish, cause there are just too many mistakes on Page 1...and before Page 1, even.

The dialogue is just atrocious.  Seriously, it almost reads like a pisser and for that alone, I'm out.  Sorry...

To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: March 4th, 2011, 5:02pm Report to Moderator
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Interesting angle to take with the Fear Liath. Going for the more human approach.


Too talky. This has been the most common weakness in the majority of the scripts, I would say. I think it's particularly a problem here because the topic doesn't really require it...with the isolation of the mountain and the cabin, the mist, the legend of the creature and the psychological terror of the broken spectres and such you have the opportunity to create far more visual tension.

We've not seen the definitive Fear Liath in this disrespect to either of the authors who took it on. I'd love to see you take another crack at it...the setting and the character are made for a top notch little film.
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Pale Yellow
Posted: October 24th, 2011, 10:10am Report to Moderator
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No title page. But kept reading. The story was interesting. I thought that the flashback scene went on too long. Maybe you could have switched back and forth or either shortened it somehow. I think the ending fell really short for me. It was more a mystery for me then the slasher part just didn't fit with the story ...My amateur opinion only though. I was very interesting though up until the end.
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