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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Contests - Screenwriting and Filmmaking  ›  The Impact Moderators: Don
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  Author    The Impact  (currently 14895 views)
eldave1
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Quoted from Dustin
First one is up. I'm going to edit the second one and then upload it. Here's the first if anyone wants to give it a read:

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/5581e25338383371b4060000


I gave it a read.

Good bones to this one and I like the premise of looking at the end through the eyes of the homeless/drug addicted. It's crisply written - well paced.

A possible alternative for consideration:

A lot of the two pages is  taken up with the struggle to find the "last hit" from the dealer.  IMO, there is more ground to plow here if they already have the hit on them and you delve into the dynamic of them sharing that last one. I also would find it interesting if somehow their polar opposite (let's say a BMW driving Wall Street type) somehow lands up in their group (maybe traffic is snarled from the impending doom and he ends up there where he is forced to spend his last moments with those he spent his life looking down upon). Just food for thought.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Angry Bear
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
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I wonder if we can use characters we have created for other stories and just use those characters in this new scenario, even if they've been filmed before.


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stevie
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
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Am liking what you guys have done already. The 2 page limit is certainly a challenge but at least we have a built in ending lol.

The beauty is the different interpretations of the one setting if we choose. I have 3 planned for one setting: a soppy kind of one, a comedy and perhaps a very dark and disturbing one if I'm game for it. Good stuff


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LC
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 9:47pm Report to Moderator
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On ya, Stevie. Post a link when they're up.


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DanC
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 1:24am Report to Moderator
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I know you can post upgrades for free, but, why not put them in the works in progress till they are more final?

I have read all 5.

Anthony:  The first one, the 2 pregnant women is a A+  that one really hit me.
Second one was okay ,but, he didn't connect to me.  I am not sure how to fix that one.  

Janet:  The first one (the date) was good, but, the characters don't seem real, or are they just so stunned?  I'd like to see more heart from him to get her up there, and honestly, wouldn't he rather have sex with this girl then get her to the top?

Second story, the Vet, wow, that was touching.  I think she should let them go, and contrast that with insanity and screaming and yelling outside, and have the dogs come peacefully together around her as she cries.  So, the humans are the animals and the dogs are civilized.  

Dustin, I thought it was okay, but, they didn't connect with me.  The junkies felt sad.  I do like it better if they have the drugs and a rich person joins them.  

I don't know how much you guys can change, which is why I'm shocked that you submitted them so quickly.  I mean, can you keep the same title, and radically alter the story?  

I haven't registered yet, but, I plan to and then I will give deeper reviews as I read your latest editions of what you came up with.

The ones I loved:
The pregnant women and the dog story.

good were the other 3, the techie, junkies, and date didn't strike me as great stories to capture emotion.  Just my opinion.

dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 1:25am Report to Moderator
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Hey eldave, thanks for the reads, really appreciated... glad you liked 'It's A...' so much, and you make some good points on both, will be re-writing them before the deadline is up...

I'll get round to readingn any and all other submissions as they go up on the site.

Pia - not sure re your question, don't remember seeing anything covering that in anything I read.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 4:56am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the thoughts Dan... delighted you liked one of them, the other... yes... I intentionally went with a protag who's an arse... I'm not sure it's entirely worked

Regarding re-drafts... you can put up two free ones and as far as I can see, you can change the entire script if you so choose, but think the title is fixed. And it's that reason that I put my two up on the site... my thinking is that I'll get as much feedback as possible, review it to see which bits I agree with and then submit a final draft a few weeks before the end... that's my plan anyway.

Let us know when you put yours up dan.

Dustin - have posted a review of yours on the site.

Anthony



Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 7:01am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Cheers mate. Already had one idiot tell me my characters sound middle class. WTF? I think one or two of my middle class friends would laugh at that. I'm so far from middle class I'm virtually scum.


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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 7:05am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from eldave1


I gave it a read.

Good bones to this one and I like the premise of looking at the end through the eyes of the homeless/drug addicted. It's crisply written - well paced.

A possible alternative for consideration:

A lot of the two pages is  taken up with the struggle to find the "last hit" from the dealer.  IMO, there is more ground to plow here if they already have the hit on them and you delve into the dynamic of them sharing that last one. I also would find it interesting if somehow their polar opposite (let's say a BMW driving Wall Street type) somehow lands up in their group (maybe traffic is snarled from the impending doom and he ends up there where he is forced to spend his last moments with those he spent his life looking down upon). Just food for thought.


I don't like that idea for this story, but I do like the idea of writing a follow up with that scenario, or a similar one. I'm just playing with punchlines right now.

Thanks much. Let me know if you have anything up.


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Angry Bear
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 7:10am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood

Pia - not sure re your question, don't remember seeing anything covering that in anything I read.


I came up with something great. Well, in my opinion at least, but it involves a mime and his puppet...  


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 8:41am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
For anyone signing up/contributing... my scripts are

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557832bf38383303cb020000
and
http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557b723638383357ee360000

Let me know whe/if you post and I'll give them a read.

Anthony


Anthony

Itís AÖ

Touching, love it. This is the first script Iíve read and I imagine a lot of them are going to be emotional last few moments and this one covers all the bases perfectly.  The first idea Iíve had is Ďthe final momentsí type story so I think Iíll enter a few to cover the different stages of the Impact timeline.

Her Siri

This one didnít work as much for me. I understood it and it was written well, it just seemed a bit of a none event story and more like two pages from a bigger scene. I didnít really feel for Markus.  I also think there would be more chaos and less of an orderly evacuation, with the internet crashing, phone systems going down; that sort of thing.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 8:48am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
First one is up. I'm going to edit the second one and then upload it. Here's the first if anyone wants to give it a read:

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/5581e25338383371b4060000


Dustin,

Love the idea of some guys trying to score a last hit before the last hit. Great name for the script as well. It just seems like there could be more to this, although 2 pages is really restrictive. I mean they try to get some drugs but canít in time. It does have a certain sense of irony to it, just feels like there could be more.

-Mark




For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 8:56am Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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I know we aren't supposed to have aliens, zombies, and paranormal,
but what about like superheroes, vampires (I know, splitting hairs), sci-fi, fantasy, etc?  I know the world is supposed to be like ours, but, could having a superman-like (no alien) save the earth be viable?

Or have like Stark and Richards phase the earth out of the path of the asteroid work?

Or would having the earth go into a pocket dimension work?

Have Mephisto save the earth, for a price?  Stuff like that?


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 9:00am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from wonkavite
Great!!  I'd definitely love to see a strong showing from SS members on this...  )

Mine - BTW - are these:  

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557e16453838337fc7020000

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557e159d3838337fc4070000


Top of The World

Superb choice of location, very symbolic. Great story, hit all the feels. As someone whoís been in the friend zone many times before I met my wife, I can really identify with the guy finally getting the date, only to discover the world is about to end. What a place to see Ďthe fireworksí as well!

The Cage

Didnít work quite as well for me as Top of the World but still really good. It didnít really hit until she walked down the row of cages feeding the dogs, then I was like WOW! Maybe the phone call isnít needed at all, as it takes a lot of the precious space up?  

Iím gonna sign up and fire one up over the weekend. Iíll post it here of course.

Thereís 10 weeks left so plenty of time to think up more ideas and polish.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 9:08am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
I know we aren't supposed to have aliens, zombies, and paranormal,
but what about like superheroes, vampires (I know, splitting hairs), sci-fi, fantasy, etc?  I know the world is supposed to be like ours, but, could having a superman-like (no alien) save the earth be viable?

Or have like Stark and Richards phase the earth out of the path of the asteroid work?

Or would having the earth go into a pocket dimension work?

Have Mephisto save the earth, for a price?  Stuff like that?


Sorry Dan, I can sense your creative juices are bursting forth here but the rules state the Impact will be set in contemporary reality. I think the idea is to try and explore how people around the globe would genuinely react to such a scenario.

You could try of course, thereís nothing stopping you entering anything you want.




For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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