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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Contests - Screenwriting and Filmmaking  ›  The Impact Moderators: Don
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  Author    The Impact  (currently 14734 views)
Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
for once dustin i thought you were calm and collected. i really didnt see ANY issue with what you wrote.

they really have set up some fake reality over there.

ill still take part, because i don't give a @@@@ but its not the best

oh and funnily enough i suddenly get an email flogging a writers course just after i signed up.

Mind you they have to make money i suppose, just wish it was little more upfront


Everyone else was being so nice, I thought I'd join in. Apparently my nice isn't nice enough though. It's a case of back scratching over there mostly. To actually get an honest review is nigh on impossible... yet most writers need that... and to put a forum in place where writers are just expected to lie to each other to spread some fake, vomit-inducing, love is counterproductive. Maybe not for the organisers, but certainly for all those writers left in the cold at the end. Their heads full of shite.

It's fine to have that. But there needs to be a balance. Everyone telling you your work is great doesn't help anyone. It's the person that tells you what they think is wrong that forces you to re-examine your work. Whether you agree with them or not is a different matter entirely... but it's needed.

I don't think much of my chances now mate, so I'm not going to waste any more time over the place. I've given my 6 reviews. Their server is super slow and irritating anyway.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 2:44pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


where's my simply scripts thong?

Location
The Island of Jersey
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well, when i review i will say it as i read it. i don't think i have an aggressive tone but i will say what doesn't thrill me

can't be bothered to do anything else

now, i must come up with the story of 'what happens during the live broadcast of the muppet show' - could happen  

will Kermit faint. will miss piggy try and rape him. anythings possible


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
Here's the offending review... as you can see my review is respectful and polite. I simply say that it's too simplistic for my tastes, but that it's a nice effort. I even gave it 3 stars.

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/556b282538383327b56a0000

Somebody has obviously reported my review, despite the writer appreciating and respecting my viewpoint. So it's some other little snide and not the writer that has reported it.

Fair enough, there are plenty of idiots about, I just didn't take the organiser for one too.



I love your response to his remarks. You were calm, collected ( I bet you were furious inside so well done for keeping your cool) and spot on in my opinion.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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stevemiles
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 3:02pm Report to Moderator
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Read through a few of these.  I respect itís tough to really standout in a two pager, though I have to say, it makes you realise the merits of honest feedback.  I havenít seen a rating below 3 stars yet -- rate something 1 star and they send the boys round for mandatory sensitivity training...  

Bill -- I checked out World Today.  Different, a lot broader in the humour than your usual stuff -- leaned a bit too much towards a farce for my liking.  Iím also confused as to who Bruno and the panel thought they were addressing -- or even why?  Though again, as farce perhaps it could work without digging too deeply.

The question of Ďwas mankind worth ití is one worth exploring though.  Sorry to say it wasnít really for me -- but mostly because I know you can turn out more engaging material.  

That said, let me know how the muppet thing works out...  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 3:19pm Report to Moderator
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Steve - I got a 2 on It's A... despite everyone else giving it a 4 or 5 and the feedback being universally psoitive... not entirely sure why it got a 2 as the review itself wasn't particularly harsh.

I was a little bothered until I read the rules and realised that the stars and the reviews don't count anyway, it's not public vote.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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DanC
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 3:37pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Killing villains since 1980!

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Here is my first attempt for Impact.  The Logline would be:  Two lost souls find each other even as the world around them goes to hell.

Here it is:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/bglhbdkk5h5btg6/Last%20Chance.pdf?dl=0

LMK,  I will do 7 and then list the top ones.  This 2 pager is hard for me b/c the little story has to be complete in some way.

Oh, as to be expected, if I do them all, I have some pretty crazy ones out there that I am SURE no one else has thought of.  This is not one of them.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


where's my simply scripts thong?

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Dan

Had a quick read but my iPad wasn't allowing me notes.

Single ranch house etc - awkward and too long. In fact I don't know what this is. Keep it simple. Especially in two pages.  Sounds like a derelict house, somewhere rough, bad district etc

Ok, you've gone for the bad man does good.  It reads ok, but to me lacks a punch in the conclusion. Why, because partially I didnt buy into it. The angry rapist vicar can be powerful but is a tad cliched.

How about the main man was wrongly accused by a white girl. He can't get over it. He just hates the clergy more. (Personally I would drop the vicar - just go for an attacker)

She is alone...actually ran away from abuse. Where can their anger go. They can't be intimate, doesn't work that way. They sit, watch, the worlds going to end. Last scene they hold hands. Etc

Best of luck


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr

Revision History (1 edits)
Reef Dreamer  -  June 20th, 2015, 2:45am
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eldave1
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Quoted from Dustin
Here's the offending review... as you can see my review is respectful and polite. I simply say that it's too simplistic for my tastes, but that it's a nice effort. I even gave it 3 stars.

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/556b282538383327b56a0000

Somebody has obviously reported my review, despite the writer appreciating and respecting my viewpoint. So it's some other little snide and not the writer that has reported it.

Fair enough, there are plenty of idiots about, I just didn't take the organiser for one too.


Geeesh! Their reaction makes me feel planet stricken!!!

Two things really struck me.

1. Your criticism was very mild.

2. IMO, the script (I read it) was average at best. Yet it got six consecutive 5 star ratings. WTF?

I did look up the review guidelines here:

http://theimpact.create50.com/blogs/feedback-short-stories

They read like something you would see in kindergarten. I think everyone who enters should get a participation ribbon.




My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 4:44pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Dan

Gave it a quick read...

Agree with Bill re the slug, DERELICT HOUSE would work fine

I'd swap the shotgun for a pistol, otherwise he risks shooting her head off as well as the priests, or keep it, have them move apart, but change bullet as shotguns dont have them.

I really like the idea of the released convict, great premise.

But the end seems a little off, and her acceptance and the kiss felt like the wrong choice.

You could go very dark, have the kiss but an agressive/rapey response from him, i.e. leopards don't change their spots.

Look forward to reading the other ones too


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Max
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
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Don't know why you bothered Dustin...

That dude who responded to your criticism seemed to be on some overly PC vibe.

Seems a bit snidey and asshole-ish, asking you to check the guidelines like you're some fucking idiot who just rocked up and started spouting shit.  The criticism wasn't mild, it was way beneath mild my friend.

This whole comp seems like it's some smoke blowing bullshit.

Fuck that.



Revision History (1 edits)
Max  -  June 19th, 2015, 7:07pm
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stevie
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 8:05pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, this comp is really a reach around paradise!  Great concept but treats writers like babies.

And a two page script doesn't need bloody second drafts. Write it and enter it lol


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LC
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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I agree, Stevie. Dustin's experience really highlighted what this is - a forum for everybody to join and basically be encouraging and foster spirit for the project. I suspect, like someone else commented, they don't want a lot of fuss/negativity really by way of realistic or critical reviews and that's fair enough, it could turn into a bun fight.

It was enlightening however, for want of a better word, (and a bit 'big brother') to see Dustin being pulled up for what really was a mild and constructive comment, and I notice the writer of that particular script has a note on her title page welcoming proofreading in exchange for a review, so...  

I'd never heard of 'planet stricken' as an adjective - it was a very odd choice for the first lines of the script imh.

Bit of revelation for me too that the peer scoring system has nothing whatsoever to do with which entries are selected. I'm now not quite so enthused about this project as I was. There's way too much looking over people's shoulders in this world and vetting and censoring, and it makes me wonder if some writers are already pre-determined selections. That's the reality of the world we live in I suppose but I don't  have to like it.  

It's lovely the way everyone has a mug-shot too. Is that compulsory?


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Max
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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It's weird innit, Dustin's comment/review was so... ignorable, no offence, and some dude pulled him up? Nah fam, real dodgy.

His review was more positive than negative, it's the type of review you skip over because you want the bad stuff.

Damn, real shame.


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DanC
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 1:49am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Killing villains since 1980!

Location
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Dan

Had a quick read but my iPad wasn't allowing me notes.

Single ranch house etc - awkward and too long. In fact I don't know what this is. Keep it simple. Especially in two pages.  Sounds like a derelict house, somewhere rough, bad district etc

Ok, you've gone for the bad man does good.  It reads ok, but to me lacks a punch in the conclusion. Why, because partially I did buy into it. The angry rapist vicar can be powerful but is a tad cliched.

How about the main man was wrongly accused by a white girl. He can't get over it. He just hates the clergy more. (Personally I would drop the vicar - just go for an attacker)

She is alone...actually ran away from abuse. Where can their anger go. They can't be intimate, doesn't work that way. They sit, watch, the worlds going to end. Last scene they hold hands. Etc

Best of luck


Hey Bill
     Thanks for the suggestions.  I will make several changes.  I was going for the fact that they were both broken people who find each other at the end and have sex till the end of the world.

He was high on bath salts and killed a person.  She was arrested for prostitution and drugs and her family sent her on a roundabout.  It's so hard to fit everything in.  And the priest was always a jerk.  A pretty boy who gave up everything for his "calling" but, he's very bitter about it.

I guess that's a lot to cram in a 2 page script.  I almost want to start inside there to have a few more lines.

Oh, Bill a ranch home is a home without a second floor.  It's the sort of house that I need to move into since I can't really do stairs much anymore.  Too much pain and uncertainty with my legs.

So, I will think about a rewrite as I sleep.  You really have to pick and choose what to leave out in a 2 pager.  Although, I have at least 1 script that will be less then 2 pages, I'm all but sure, and it will be a shocker.  


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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DanC
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 2:32am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Killing villains since 1980!

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I just finished the second.  It's called the Great Finger Pointing Controversy.  A terrible secret threatens to break apart a family as they wait for the end.

Here's the link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/p39qhbfar949xpz/The%20Great%20Finger%20Pointing%20Controversy.pdf?dl=0

I will continue first drafts and then move stuff around.  These 2 are pretty basic.  The last 4 are a bit deeper and 1 is based on an old poem that was read to me in grade school.  I couldn't recall how to upload stuff to dropbox, but, I can remember a poem that I haven't heard in years.  Go figure.  If anyone cares, it's called Southbound on the Freeway.  

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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