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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Contests - Screenwriting and Filmmaking  ›  The Impact Moderators: Don
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  Author    The Impact  (currently 14718 views)
MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 2:44am Report to Moderator
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In case anyone didn't see this on the Simply Scripts homepage:

http://theimpact.create50.com/theimpact#about

Wow, what a great idea. I'm certainly going to give it a try. Anyone else up for it? Any thoughts/comments?

Also curious if anyone here entered the previous contest called 50 Kisses and what that experience was like?


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 2:56am Report to Moderator
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I'll join in, just for the fun of it. Maybe make a film as well.

The end result last time was unwatchable imo. In terms of creating a "feature" film...the process is fundamentally flawed. It is what it is...50 films 95% of which are poor, edited together into one awkward mess.

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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 3:03am Report to Moderator
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Good spot.

I got down to the last round of 50 kisses, wasn't chosen, and quite frankly I should have tried harder. And entered more than one. It was a great opportunity.

With this one the rules have changed, and there is a small entry fee, but to me that's another great chance.

I read a handful of the chosen scripts on 50 kisses and the thing that jumped out at me was the need for a central concept that stands out. Writing came second.


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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LC
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 3:35am Report to Moderator
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Congrats on getting to the last round, Reef. What do you mean you should have tried harder - your effort must have been decent if you got to that point in the comp? Did you ever put that script up on SS?

And does every entry get to read other entries? Sorry about the twenty questions, just curious.

And Rick, what was your experience? Did you enter last time? How do you think it could be organized better to make the final product more watchable?


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 3:47am Report to Moderator
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I brought this to Janet's attention as I'd seen it and already entered a couple. Be good to see one or more of us from here get through to the end stages!

You do get to read each other's scripts, you vote and comment on them too. You can also submit a couple of redrafts too, so if you agree with any of the comments then you can fix it up... Two redraft scan be submitted for free.

I didn't see 50 Kisses but I do think the idea of a central concept will help it be more cohesive, though doubt this sort of effort can ever truly gel...

I think it's a decent idea and at least we know they've already made something using a similar formula!

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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LC
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 4:12am Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Anthony. Will check out the site.


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wonkavite
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 5:26am Report to Moderator
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Yep, I've put in two, as well.  REALLY enjoyed doing a two-pager.  That was a new one for me!!    Highly recommend giving it a shot.  And the price is very reasonable...
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LC
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 6:27am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from wonkavite
Yep, I've put in two, as well.  REALLY enjoyed doing a two-pager.  That was a new one for me!!    Highly recommend giving it a shot.  And the price is very reasonable...

I just read your Top Of The World - loved it. You did great!

Two pages is definitely a challenge for me. Will think about it when I've got some time to think about it...


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
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For anyone signing up/contributing... my scripts are

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557832bf38383303cb020000
and
http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557b723638383357ee360000

Let me know whe/if you post and I'll give them a read.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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eldave1
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 2:41pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony - I am not participating but did read both of yours.

The first one - A+ - I foking loved it. Very poignant and you did a fabulous job of showing the impact of a catastrophic event from a micro perspective (i.e., what will my baby be). I felt heart broken for these characters in just two pages. This was really perfect dude.

The second one - B-. Again, I liked the perspective of the impact to a single individual, it was just that - unlike the pregnant mothers - I did not feel the same empathy for your character in this one. Would have liked to have him had some kind of conflict (maybe he didn't say I love you to wife or child that morning and needed to speed home to tell them because all of the cell phones were jammed). Something that made me feel particularity for him.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Dustin
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 3:20pm Report to Moderator
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I've just written two scripts for this after reading this thread. I know what I said about entering comps, but this one looks OK at a bluey a punt. I may just enter them.


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Dustin
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 4:16pm Report to Moderator
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Action speaks louder...

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First one is up. I'm going to edit the second one and then upload it. Here's the first if anyone wants to give it a read:

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/5581e25338383371b4060000


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 4:39pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
I've just written two scripts for this after reading this thread. I know what I said about entering comps, but this one looks OK at a bluey a punt. I may just enter them.


good for you.

I know these things can be a bit against your instincts.

I'm off tomorrow so will read.  

I will of course then seek to write better scripts, but you know what, we could just help each other with some fine tuning.

Are these public ? because i would wonder about giving decent concepts to others






My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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wonkavite
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 6:16pm Report to Moderator
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Great!!  I'd definitely love to see a strong showing from SS members on this...  )

Mine - BTW - are these:  

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557e16453838337fc7020000

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557e159d3838337fc4070000
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stevemiles
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 6:56pm Report to Moderator
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Got a couple of ideas I'm hoping to work out before the weekend.  Not familiar with 50 Kisses, but this looks like an interesting concept.  Good to see some familiar names up there -- looking forward to reading.

Bill, I haven't signed up yet, but was able to check out a couple of the scripts currently posted. So yes, the entries are open to anyone.  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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eldave1
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
First one is up. I'm going to edit the second one and then upload it. Here's the first if anyone wants to give it a read:

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/5581e25338383371b4060000


I gave it a read.

Good bones to this one and I like the premise of looking at the end through the eyes of the homeless/drug addicted. It's crisply written - well paced.

A possible alternative for consideration:

A lot of the two pages is  taken up with the struggle to find the "last hit" from the dealer.  IMO, there is more ground to plow here if they already have the hit on them and you delve into the dynamic of them sharing that last one. I also would find it interesting if somehow their polar opposite (let's say a BMW driving Wall Street type) somehow lands up in their group (maybe traffic is snarled from the impending doom and he ends up there where he is forced to spend his last moments with those he spent his life looking down upon). Just food for thought.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Angry Bear
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
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I wonder if we can use characters we have created for other stories and just use those characters in this new scenario, even if they've been filmed before.


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stevie
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Am liking what you guys have done already. The 2 page limit is certainly a challenge but at least we have a built in ending lol.

The beauty is the different interpretations of the one setting if we choose. I have 3 planned for one setting: a soppy kind of one, a comedy and perhaps a very dark and disturbing one if I'm game for it. Good stuff


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LC
Posted: June 17th, 2015, 9:47pm Report to Moderator
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On ya, Stevie. Post a link when they're up.


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DanC
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 1:24am Report to Moderator
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I know you can post upgrades for free, but, why not put them in the works in progress till they are more final?

I have read all 5.

Anthony:  The first one, the 2 pregnant women is a A+  that one really hit me.
Second one was okay ,but, he didn't connect to me.  I am not sure how to fix that one.  

Janet:  The first one (the date) was good, but, the characters don't seem real, or are they just so stunned?  I'd like to see more heart from him to get her up there, and honestly, wouldn't he rather have sex with this girl then get her to the top?

Second story, the Vet, wow, that was touching.  I think she should let them go, and contrast that with insanity and screaming and yelling outside, and have the dogs come peacefully together around her as she cries.  So, the humans are the animals and the dogs are civilized.  

Dustin, I thought it was okay, but, they didn't connect with me.  The junkies felt sad.  I do like it better if they have the drugs and a rich person joins them.  

I don't know how much you guys can change, which is why I'm shocked that you submitted them so quickly.  I mean, can you keep the same title, and radically alter the story?  

I haven't registered yet, but, I plan to and then I will give deeper reviews as I read your latest editions of what you came up with.

The ones I loved:
The pregnant women and the dog story.

good were the other 3, the techie, junkies, and date didn't strike me as great stories to capture emotion.  Just my opinion.

dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 1:25am Report to Moderator
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Hey eldave, thanks for the reads, really appreciated... glad you liked 'It's A...' so much, and you make some good points on both, will be re-writing them before the deadline is up...

I'll get round to readingn any and all other submissions as they go up on the site.

Pia - not sure re your question, don't remember seeing anything covering that in anything I read.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
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Thanks for the thoughts Dan... delighted you liked one of them, the other... yes... I intentionally went with a protag who's an arse... I'm not sure it's entirely worked

Regarding re-drafts... you can put up two free ones and as far as I can see, you can change the entire script if you so choose, but think the title is fixed. And it's that reason that I put my two up on the site... my thinking is that I'll get as much feedback as possible, review it to see which bits I agree with and then submit a final draft a few weeks before the end... that's my plan anyway.

Let us know when you put yours up dan.

Dustin - have posted a review of yours on the site.

Anthony



Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 7:01am Report to Moderator
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Cheers mate. Already had one idiot tell me my characters sound middle class. WTF? I think one or two of my middle class friends would laugh at that. I'm so far from middle class I'm virtually scum.


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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 7:05am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from eldave1


I gave it a read.

Good bones to this one and I like the premise of looking at the end through the eyes of the homeless/drug addicted. It's crisply written - well paced.

A possible alternative for consideration:

A lot of the two pages is  taken up with the struggle to find the "last hit" from the dealer.  IMO, there is more ground to plow here if they already have the hit on them and you delve into the dynamic of them sharing that last one. I also would find it interesting if somehow their polar opposite (let's say a BMW driving Wall Street type) somehow lands up in their group (maybe traffic is snarled from the impending doom and he ends up there where he is forced to spend his last moments with those he spent his life looking down upon). Just food for thought.


I don't like that idea for this story, but I do like the idea of writing a follow up with that scenario, or a similar one. I'm just playing with punchlines right now.

Thanks much. Let me know if you have anything up.


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Angry Bear
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 7:10am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood

Pia - not sure re your question, don't remember seeing anything covering that in anything I read.


I came up with something great. Well, in my opinion at least, but it involves a mime and his puppet...  


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 8:41am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
For anyone signing up/contributing... my scripts are

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557832bf38383303cb020000
and
http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557b723638383357ee360000

Let me know whe/if you post and I'll give them a read.

Anthony


Anthony

Itís AÖ

Touching, love it. This is the first script Iíve read and I imagine a lot of them are going to be emotional last few moments and this one covers all the bases perfectly.  The first idea Iíve had is Ďthe final momentsí type story so I think Iíll enter a few to cover the different stages of the Impact timeline.

Her Siri

This one didnít work as much for me. I understood it and it was written well, it just seemed a bit of a none event story and more like two pages from a bigger scene. I didnít really feel for Markus.  I also think there would be more chaos and less of an orderly evacuation, with the internet crashing, phone systems going down; that sort of thing.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 8:48am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
First one is up. I'm going to edit the second one and then upload it. Here's the first if anyone wants to give it a read:

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/5581e25338383371b4060000


Dustin,

Love the idea of some guys trying to score a last hit before the last hit. Great name for the script as well. It just seems like there could be more to this, although 2 pages is really restrictive. I mean they try to get some drugs but canít in time. It does have a certain sense of irony to it, just feels like there could be more.

-Mark




For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 8:56am Report to Moderator
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I know we aren't supposed to have aliens, zombies, and paranormal,
but what about like superheroes, vampires (I know, splitting hairs), sci-fi, fantasy, etc?  I know the world is supposed to be like ours, but, could having a superman-like (no alien) save the earth be viable?

Or have like Stark and Richards phase the earth out of the path of the asteroid work?

Or would having the earth go into a pocket dimension work?

Have Mephisto save the earth, for a price?  Stuff like that?


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 9:00am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from wonkavite
Great!!  I'd definitely love to see a strong showing from SS members on this...  )

Mine - BTW - are these:  

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557e16453838337fc7020000

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/557e159d3838337fc4070000


Top of The World

Superb choice of location, very symbolic. Great story, hit all the feels. As someone whoís been in the friend zone many times before I met my wife, I can really identify with the guy finally getting the date, only to discover the world is about to end. What a place to see Ďthe fireworksí as well!

The Cage

Didnít work quite as well for me as Top of the World but still really good. It didnít really hit until she walked down the row of cages feeding the dogs, then I was like WOW! Maybe the phone call isnít needed at all, as it takes a lot of the precious space up?  

Iím gonna sign up and fire one up over the weekend. Iíll post it here of course.

Thereís 10 weeks left so plenty of time to think up more ideas and polish.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 9:08am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
I know we aren't supposed to have aliens, zombies, and paranormal,
but what about like superheroes, vampires (I know, splitting hairs), sci-fi, fantasy, etc?  I know the world is supposed to be like ours, but, could having a superman-like (no alien) save the earth be viable?

Or have like Stark and Richards phase the earth out of the path of the asteroid work?

Or would having the earth go into a pocket dimension work?

Have Mephisto save the earth, for a price?  Stuff like that?


Sorry Dan, I can sense your creative juices are bursting forth here but the rules state the Impact will be set in contemporary reality. I think the idea is to try and explore how people around the globe would genuinely react to such a scenario.

You could try of course, thereís nothing stopping you entering anything you want.




For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 9:17am Report to Moderator
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Dan - as per Mark's comment... this is purely reality based stuff...

But there's nothing to stop you using the initial idea to generate your own scripts that AREN'T for The Impact.

I plan on re-purposing mine if they are not sucessful... all any of us would need is a framing device to show that there's something about to happen that's gonna kill the world.

Of course I have my fingers crossed I don't need to do that

One final BUT... as I'm not planning on using it... what about a script that has someone who  THINKS they are a superhero, what would they do... see http://reallifesuperheroes.com/


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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LC
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 9:20am Report to Moderator
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Yeah, Dan, I kinda have to agree with Mark here and the 'everyday scenario'. However, it doesn't stop you having one of your characters mentally deluded - perhaps believing he has superhero powers i.e., attempt to fly off a high-rise to stop that asteroid. If you juxtapose him with 'normal' people, you could generate some genuine conflict/drama in a two-pager.

See, Anthony just got in before me...  



Revision History (1 edits)
LC  -  June 18th, 2015, 9:25am
Asteroid, silly. :)
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 9:33am Report to Moderator
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LOL - greats minds Libby!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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eldave1
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 10:50am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Angry Bear


I came up with something great. Well, in my opinion at least, but it involves a mime and his puppet...  


Will the last shot before the meteor hits be a sign that read: "a mime is a terrible thing to waste" ?


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 10:54am Report to Moderator
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Good to see folk active.

I wonder how useful it is to enter early ? If you have to revise the script it's still tagged with the previous vote and comments.

I think I would rather share here first of all.


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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eldave1
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 10:55am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
I know you can post upgrades for free, but, why not put them in the works in progress till they are more final?

I have read all 5.

Anthony:  The first one, the 2 pregnant women is a A+  that one really hit me.
Second one was okay ,but, he didn't connect to me.  I am not sure how to fix that one.  

Janet:  The first one (the date) was good, but, the characters don't seem real, or are they just so stunned?  I'd like to see more heart from him to get her up there, and honestly, wouldn't he rather have sex with this girl then get her to the top?

Second story, the Vet, wow, that was touching.  I think she should let them go, and contrast that with insanity and screaming and yelling outside, and have the dogs come peacefully together around her as she cries.  So, the humans are the animals and the dogs are civilized.  

Dustin, I thought it was okay, but, they didn't connect with me.  The junkies felt sad.  I do like it better if they have the drugs and a rich person joins them.  

I don't know how much you guys can change, which is why I'm shocked that you submitted them so quickly.  I mean, can you keep the same title, and radically alter the story?  

I haven't registered yet, but, I plan to and then I will give deeper reviews as I read your latest editions of what you came up with.

The ones I loved:
The pregnant women and the dog story.

good were the other 3, the techie, junkies, and date didn't strike me as great stories to capture emotion.  Just my opinion.

dan


I think it has to be reality based. If you want to go comedy - you go have a Seinfeld - Castanza type argument on which super hero would save the planet  


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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wonkavite
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 11:08am Report to Moderator
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Hey Mark, Dan -

Thanks for the comments on mine!

Dan - re: Caged.  While it would be an interesting satire on humans vs. animals, that just wouldn't be realistic or work for me.  Letting the other dogs out of their cages would result in fights, panic and more... it would just be inhumane.  (You know what dogs are like on the 4th of July?  Just imagine that 5000 times worse!)  The theme of Caged is just that Melanie has nowhere to go. And she wants to spend her last few moments with the animals, and caring for them - doing what she's done all along, as a volunteer...  

Mark - thx re: Top!  You know, I'm a NYCer ...and was only 10 blocks away on 9/11.  But I only just recently saw the Memorial pools for myself.  I can't think of a more fitting place to reflect on the end of the world, and all that potential (and relationships) that *could have been.*

Cheers,

--J
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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 11:16am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood

I plan on re-purposing mine if they are not sucessful... all any of us would need is a framing device to show that there's something about to happen that's gonna kill the world.


I'm writing mine already including the news so they can stand alone anyway. Never knew I had it in me to write a two-pager.

Here's the second one I wrote, but I haven't uploaded it yet.

http://www.dustinbowcott.com/PDFS/Relationship%20Hangups.pdf

If anyone wants me to host their scripts for this comp while people review them here, I don't mind doing it. I can't give you access to my server, but if you send me the files, I'll upload them and replace as needed.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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dustin quick comment on the new script...

Currently the order is that he handcuffs himself behind his back, then puts his head through the noose, then tightens it... how does he do the last part with hands cuffed behind his back?

Do like the irony inerent in the predicament, not sure about her saying the 'do everything line'... but it's a comedy so it'll fly...

Nice end!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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I did consider that and was going to write in the action that he pushes against it with his neck but it came out as clunky so I dropped it. I figured the actor would simply push against the noose with his neck as this would tighten it... but perhaps a good work around would be to do the cuffs after tightening the noose with his hands just to be clear. Thanks.


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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 2:36pm Report to Moderator
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I didn't bother uploading the relationship one and have written another one instead. We've got to think a little more outside the box. Standard fare isn't going to cut this.

To that end, I've written something a little different, it's called Impactee.

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/55831c893838333c0d090000

Log: A radio DJ discovers that there are more than two ways to deal with the impact.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 2:36pm Report to Moderator
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Dustin

RH..notes

no need to reply, just take and discard, as you like...

FADE IN - im ditching this for this comp, buys me a few lines. 50 kisses was the same

actually not much to offer, although without fade in/out you have a a couple of extra lines, may help

But...rather liked that, my sense of dark humour.

what to suggest?

as i see it the problem we will all face is how to max our scripts as there will be soooo many

may be we need more connection to both of them. set the scene better - memorabilia. etc a life together.

Jane - make her consider and reflect more. i know we don't have much space, but he is a little pantomime at the moment. she could be with someone, say the dork from work, who's the better lover? etc

with a few tweaks this could be strong


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 2:44pm Report to Moderator
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Dustin

read the other one as well, i see you've already posted it.

good finish.

its a bit chatty, but then its only two pages and based around a radio station so what do we expect.

perhaps we could see the others leave, dave alone. he decides to man the radio

actually thats a strong entry


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Dustin
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 3:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Dustin

RH..notes

no need to reply, just take and discard, as you like...

FADE IN - im ditching this for this comp, buys me a few lines. 50 kisses was the same

actually not much to offer, although without fade in/out you have a a couple of extra lines, may help

But...rather liked that, my sense of dark humour.

what to suggest?

as i see it the problem we will all face is how to max our scripts as there will be soooo many

may be we need more connection to both of them. set the scene better - memorabilia. etc a life together.

Jane - make her consider and reflect more. i know we don't have much space, but he is a little pantomime at the moment. she could be with someone, say the dork from work, who's the better lover? etc

with a few tweaks this could be strong


Thanks mate. It's OK. With a few tweaks it'll be mediocre. I don't want mediocre. Waste of my time. It's OK, it's cute... but it's not what I need to win. 50 scripts isn't a lot. Many of the scripts follow the same themes and I noticed lots of the ideas that ran through my mind are already on there. That doesn't mean I can't do it too, my way, but it ain't going to stand out. A script like that just sits with a pile of other similar scripts and then it's lottery time. They can only use one of each kind. Best way to not get put into a pile of similar scripts is to make sure yours stands alone. I know you know this already, you sly old dog. You like to play your cards close to your chest, lol.

If you want to run your script by me in private mate feel free to do so. You've got my email.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 4:37pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


Thanks mate. It's OK. With a few tweaks it'll be mediocre. I don't want mediocre. Waste of my time. It's OK, it's cute... but it's not what I need to win. 50 scripts isn't a lot. Many of the scripts follow the same themes and I noticed lots of the ideas that ran through my mind are already on there. That doesn't mean I can't do it too, my way, but it ain't going to stand out. A script like that just sits with a pile of other similar scripts and then it's lottery time. They can only use one of each kind. Best way to not get put into a pile of similar scripts is to make sure yours stands alone. I know you know this already, you sly old dog. You like to play your cards close to your chest, lol.

If you want to run your script by me in private mate feel free to do so. You've got my email.


i suppose there will be familiar themes. in fact by others posting we get an idea. but remember they will want some expected idea, just with an extra angle. and they will want some soft edged scripts.

me? i thought i would go serious with the following no hoper

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/32393279/the%20world%20today.pdf

cheers


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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DanC
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 8:49pm Report to Moderator
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I actually think I will post all of my stuff here, and pick 2 or 3 of the best to submit.  I will read anyone's scripts.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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stevie
Posted: June 18th, 2015, 10:08pm Report to Moderator
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Have done one page of a serious soppy one lol.

Dustin, I read both of yours.  The hanging one is written ok but it's pretty obvious early on how it will end.

The radio station one was good. Even thought it's all dialogue, it comes over nicely. Very reminiscent of a scene in The Stand novel, where a DJ gets stopped by the army from broadcasting as Captain Trips becomes full blown.

Someone said it, maybe you, that this project calls for something outside the box to get noticed among what will be thousands of entries


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DanC
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 1:07am Report to Moderator
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I have 6 ideas.  Since they are so short, I think I will do them all, then let you guys rip them apart and make my choices.  If they all have merits, I might enter them all.  It's only 50 bucks...


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 2:23am Report to Moderator
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Just a thought, if you want to try your scripts out here first then you could put them on dropbox or Dustin's server and link them in this thread, as already suggested. Alternatively you could also submit them to the short section of this site and get quite a bit of feedback...or do you think that might overload the short section with a load of 2 pagers and peeps won't be happy?


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
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Quoted from Dustin

To that end, I've written something a little different, it's called Impactee.

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/55831c893838333c0d090000

Log: A radio DJ discovers that there are more than two ways to deal with the impact.

Another solid entry from you Dustin. I like the idea of the DJ staying on at his post. Kind of like a modern version of the band playing on as the Titanic sinks. I wasnít 100% sure at the end that he went to join the plane party or did he have another idea?

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

me? i thought i would go serious with the following no hoper

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/32393279/the%20world%20today.pdf

cheers


Loved this. Made me chuckle and reminded me I need to do a funny (or attempt to anyway) entryÖif I can think of one. So glad she wasnít interrupted having a poo either.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Angry Bear
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 7:49am Report to Moderator
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Kind of fun reading these two pagers!  

Bill, you have a typo. Kidnaped...


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Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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Bill, I think I've found a typo, but I can't be sure:

BRUNO
And to balance the panel, a member
of the general pubic, Sharon Lost.

I could be wrong, lol.

On a TV SCREEN a huge light blazes through the sky until a
huge explosion.

I'd get rid of one 'huge' or the other, or replace with another word.


Certainly different and worth working on some more. I felt at first as though the ending was stuck on, just too easy... but there is actually irony in it, so it works.

Good luck with it.

I'm going to back out of this competition now anyway. Apparently you have to conform to a certain standard which means loving the same scripts the organisers love. If your opinion of one of the stories they love is average then you'll be reminded of the rules.

I did have a bunch of ideas for this thing but I'm not going to waste my money entering any more. Nor indeed, my creative space.

I've just written a 6 page short that I'll upload here tonight some time. I think Don uploads on a Sunday. I'm also finishing a mid grade novel for the 9-12 age range. I'm at 35K right now. Also got three features that I'm at first draft stage with for that Carson 250 thing, I know I can only enter two, but it's nice to have three to choose from. Two of them are pretty similar in tone. So it's not like I haven't got enough to work on already.

Fook 'em.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 10:12am Report to Moderator
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where's my simply scripts thong?

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Quoted from Dustin
Bill, I think I've found a typo, but I can't be sure:

BRUNO
And to balance the panel, a member
of the general pubic, Sharon Lost.

I could be wrong, lol.

On a TV SCREEN a huge light blazes through the sky until a
huge explosion.

I'd get rid of one 'huge' or the other, or replace with another word.


Certainly different and worth working on some more. I felt at first as though the ending was stuck on, just too easy... but there is actually irony in it, so it works.

Good luck with it.

I'm going to back out of this competition now anyway. Apparently you have to conform to a certain standard which means loving the same scripts the organisers love. If your opinion of one of the stories they love is average then you'll be reminded of the rules.

I did have a bunch of ideas for this thing but I'm not going to waste my money entering any more. Nor indeed, my creative space.

I've just written a 6 page short that I'll upload here tonight some time. I think Don uploads on a Sunday. I'm also finishing a mid grade novel for the 9-12 age range. I'm at 35K right now. Also got three features that I'm at first draft stage with for that Carson 250 thing, I know I can only enter two, but it's nice to have three to choose from. Two of them are pretty similar in tone. So it's not like I haven't got enough to work on already.

Fook 'em.


thanks - i knocked this out for some fun. not sure its appropriate for the Impact. I think they want 'normal' type scripts. Anyway, i've just given it a tidy up for the sake of it.

ill check out what they mean by those rules.

i can imagine they want to avoid the angry troll demolishing the competition but they only have themselves to blame for a less than clever system. Anonymous is far better as seen at MP.



My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 10:18am Report to Moderator
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What happened Dustin?


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 12:55pm Report to Moderator
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I said I liked the story but found it not having enough substance to satisfy me. It's basically about a mother and a little girl's last moments, the mother makes out like all is fine, when really it isn't. Very easy shit to write as it doesn't take much thought. But, put a cute little kid in anything these days and people fall all over it. I was polite... but then for some reason, one of the organisers felt the need to remind me of the rules on language barriers, after the writer had specifically asked for proofreaders, and also a reminder that the organisers are looking for portraiture as well as traditional stories.

With portraiture, I'd expect some deeper hidden message, something for me to think about. Some irony, or cryptic message... so I was left unsatisfied in regard to story. If they don't want honest reviews they shouldn't allow the stupid system. I absolutely hate when somebody argues with my review, like because they have a different opinion, I'm wrong. I don't care about anyone else's review. I wouldn't quote them and tell them their opinion is wrong. In this case it was one of the organisers. I thought I was reviewing based on my personal taste, not the personal tastes of the organisers. He loved it, I found it average. So what? Why reply to my review at all? Just simply state what he thinks and leave it at that.

I don't like the idea of the organisers involving themselves in reviews that simply differ from their opinion. I honestly don't see why my review mattered so much he felt the need to respond to it.

I pay to enter a script yet they still demand three reviews for every script you enter, yet you can't review how you like, you must make sure that whatever your review says, that it agrees with the organisers' opinion.

It pissed me off. I pay, help them make money, yet I'm not allowed to say a story is average when it actually is average?


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Angry Bear
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 1:09pm Report to Moderator
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I checked out some scripts there. They were average, but they were all rated 5 stars. I guess you have to be very nice and vote 4 or 5 stars? But, then what do you do when you come across one that is fantastic? Ask for more stars?


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Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 1:21pm Report to Moderator
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Here's the offending review... as you can see my review is respectful and polite. I simply say that it's too simplistic for my tastes, but that it's a nice effort. I even gave it 3 stars.

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/556b282538383327b56a0000

Somebody has obviously reported my review, despite the writer appreciating and respecting my viewpoint. So it's some other little snide and not the writer that has reported it.

Fair enough, there are plenty of idiots about, I just didn't take the organiser for one too.


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Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 1:21pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Angry Bear
I checked out some scripts there. They were average, but they were all rated 5 stars. I guess you have to be very nice and vote 4 or 5 stars? But, then what do you do when you come across one that is fantastic? Ask for more stars?


Yeah exactly, it's all love and bullshit. I can't do that, it makes me feel ill.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 1:44pm Report to Moderator
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for once dustin i thought you were calm and collected. i really didnt see ANY issue with what you wrote.

they really have set up some fake reality over there.

ill still take part, because i don't give a @@@@ but its not the best

oh and funnily enough i suddenly get an email flogging a writers course just after i signed up.

Mind you they have to make money i suppose, just wish it was little more upfront


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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AnthonyCawood
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Certainly seems a bit odd/off mate!

I'm also not sure if the scores and reviews actually matter... website says that they select the scripts, it's not public vote as far as I understand it.

Then again, I've seen people on here criticise other people's reviews - there was at least one in the last OWC.

Crap though!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dustin
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
for once dustin i thought you were calm and collected. i really didnt see ANY issue with what you wrote.

they really have set up some fake reality over there.

ill still take part, because i don't give a @@@@ but its not the best

oh and funnily enough i suddenly get an email flogging a writers course just after i signed up.

Mind you they have to make money i suppose, just wish it was little more upfront


Everyone else was being so nice, I thought I'd join in. Apparently my nice isn't nice enough though. It's a case of back scratching over there mostly. To actually get an honest review is nigh on impossible... yet most writers need that... and to put a forum in place where writers are just expected to lie to each other to spread some fake, vomit-inducing, love is counterproductive. Maybe not for the organisers, but certainly for all those writers left in the cold at the end. Their heads full of shite.

It's fine to have that. But there needs to be a balance. Everyone telling you your work is great doesn't help anyone. It's the person that tells you what they think is wrong that forces you to re-examine your work. Whether you agree with them or not is a different matter entirely... but it's needed.

I don't think much of my chances now mate, so I'm not going to waste any more time over the place. I've given my 6 reviews. Their server is super slow and irritating anyway.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 2:44pm Report to Moderator
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well, when i review i will say it as i read it. i don't think i have an aggressive tone but i will say what doesn't thrill me

can't be bothered to do anything else

now, i must come up with the story of 'what happens during the live broadcast of the muppet show' - could happen  

will Kermit faint. will miss piggy try and rape him. anythings possible


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
Here's the offending review... as you can see my review is respectful and polite. I simply say that it's too simplistic for my tastes, but that it's a nice effort. I even gave it 3 stars.

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/556b282538383327b56a0000

Somebody has obviously reported my review, despite the writer appreciating and respecting my viewpoint. So it's some other little snide and not the writer that has reported it.

Fair enough, there are plenty of idiots about, I just didn't take the organiser for one too.



I love your response to his remarks. You were calm, collected ( I bet you were furious inside so well done for keeping your cool) and spot on in my opinion.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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stevemiles
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Read through a few of these.  I respect itís tough to really standout in a two pager, though I have to say, it makes you realise the merits of honest feedback.  I havenít seen a rating below 3 stars yet -- rate something 1 star and they send the boys round for mandatory sensitivity training...  

Bill -- I checked out World Today.  Different, a lot broader in the humour than your usual stuff -- leaned a bit too much towards a farce for my liking.  Iím also confused as to who Bruno and the panel thought they were addressing -- or even why?  Though again, as farce perhaps it could work without digging too deeply.

The question of Ďwas mankind worth ití is one worth exploring though.  Sorry to say it wasnít really for me -- but mostly because I know you can turn out more engaging material.  

That said, let me know how the muppet thing works out...  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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AnthonyCawood
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Steve - I got a 2 on It's A... despite everyone else giving it a 4 or 5 and the feedback being universally psoitive... not entirely sure why it got a 2 as the review itself wasn't particularly harsh.

I was a little bothered until I read the rules and realised that the stars and the reviews don't count anyway, it's not public vote.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
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DanC
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 3:37pm Report to Moderator
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Here is my first attempt for Impact.  The Logline would be:  Two lost souls find each other even as the world around them goes to hell.

Here it is:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/bglhbdkk5h5btg6/Last%20Chance.pdf?dl=0

LMK,  I will do 7 and then list the top ones.  This 2 pager is hard for me b/c the little story has to be complete in some way.

Oh, as to be expected, if I do them all, I have some pretty crazy ones out there that I am SURE no one else has thought of.  This is not one of them.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
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Dan

Had a quick read but my iPad wasn't allowing me notes.

Single ranch house etc - awkward and too long. In fact I don't know what this is. Keep it simple. Especially in two pages.  Sounds like a derelict house, somewhere rough, bad district etc

Ok, you've gone for the bad man does good.  It reads ok, but to me lacks a punch in the conclusion. Why, because partially I didnt buy into it. The angry rapist vicar can be powerful but is a tad cliched.

How about the main man was wrongly accused by a white girl. He can't get over it. He just hates the clergy more. (Personally I would drop the vicar - just go for an attacker)

She is alone...actually ran away from abuse. Where can their anger go. They can't be intimate, doesn't work that way. They sit, watch, the worlds going to end. Last scene they hold hands. Etc

Best of luck


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr

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eldave1
Posted: June 19th, 2015, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
Here's the offending review... as you can see my review is respectful and polite. I simply say that it's too simplistic for my tastes, but that it's a nice effort. I even gave it 3 stars.

http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/556b282538383327b56a0000

Somebody has obviously reported my review, despite the writer appreciating and respecting my viewpoint. So it's some other little snide and not the writer that has reported it.

Fair enough, there are plenty of idiots about, I just didn't take the organiser for one too.


Geeesh! Their reaction makes me feel planet stricken!!!

Two things really struck me.

1. Your criticism was very mild.

2. IMO, the script (I read it) was average at best. Yet it got six consecutive 5 star ratings. WTF?

I did look up the review guidelines here:

http://theimpact.create50.com/blogs/feedback-short-stories

They read like something you would see in kindergarten. I think everyone who enters should get a participation ribbon.




My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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AnthonyCawood
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Hey Dan

Gave it a quick read...

Agree with Bill re the slug, DERELICT HOUSE would work fine

I'd swap the shotgun for a pistol, otherwise he risks shooting her head off as well as the priests, or keep it, have them move apart, but change bullet as shotguns dont have them.

I really like the idea of the released convict, great premise.

But the end seems a little off, and her acceptance and the kiss felt like the wrong choice.

You could go very dark, have the kiss but an agressive/rapey response from him, i.e. leopards don't change their spots.

Look forward to reading the other ones too


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
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Max
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Don't know why you bothered Dustin...

That dude who responded to your criticism seemed to be on some overly PC vibe.

Seems a bit snidey and asshole-ish, asking you to check the guidelines like you're some fucking idiot who just rocked up and started spouting shit.  The criticism wasn't mild, it was way beneath mild my friend.

This whole comp seems like it's some smoke blowing bullshit.

Fuck that.



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stevie
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Wow, this comp is really a reach around paradise!  Great concept but treats writers like babies.

And a two page script doesn't need bloody second drafts. Write it and enter it lol


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LC
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I agree, Stevie. Dustin's experience really highlighted what this is - a forum for everybody to join and basically be encouraging and foster spirit for the project. I suspect, like someone else commented, they don't want a lot of fuss/negativity really by way of realistic or critical reviews and that's fair enough, it could turn into a bun fight.

It was enlightening however, for want of a better word, (and a bit 'big brother') to see Dustin being pulled up for what really was a mild and constructive comment, and I notice the writer of that particular script has a note on her title page welcoming proofreading in exchange for a review, so...  

I'd never heard of 'planet stricken' as an adjective - it was a very odd choice for the first lines of the script imh.

Bit of revelation for me too that the peer scoring system has nothing whatsoever to do with which entries are selected. I'm now not quite so enthused about this project as I was. There's way too much looking over people's shoulders in this world and vetting and censoring, and it makes me wonder if some writers are already pre-determined selections. That's the reality of the world we live in I suppose but I don't  have to like it.  

It's lovely the way everyone has a mug-shot too. Is that compulsory?


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Max
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It's weird innit, Dustin's comment/review was so... ignorable, no offence, and some dude pulled him up? Nah fam, real dodgy.

His review was more positive than negative, it's the type of review you skip over because you want the bad stuff.

Damn, real shame.


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DanC
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Dan

Had a quick read but my iPad wasn't allowing me notes.

Single ranch house etc - awkward and too long. In fact I don't know what this is. Keep it simple. Especially in two pages.  Sounds like a derelict house, somewhere rough, bad district etc

Ok, you've gone for the bad man does good.  It reads ok, but to me lacks a punch in the conclusion. Why, because partially I did buy into it. The angry rapist vicar can be powerful but is a tad cliched.

How about the main man was wrongly accused by a white girl. He can't get over it. He just hates the clergy more. (Personally I would drop the vicar - just go for an attacker)

She is alone...actually ran away from abuse. Where can their anger go. They can't be intimate, doesn't work that way. They sit, watch, the worlds going to end. Last scene they hold hands. Etc

Best of luck


Hey Bill
     Thanks for the suggestions.  I will make several changes.  I was going for the fact that they were both broken people who find each other at the end and have sex till the end of the world.

He was high on bath salts and killed a person.  She was arrested for prostitution and drugs and her family sent her on a roundabout.  It's so hard to fit everything in.  And the priest was always a jerk.  A pretty boy who gave up everything for his "calling" but, he's very bitter about it.

I guess that's a lot to cram in a 2 page script.  I almost want to start inside there to have a few more lines.

Oh, Bill a ranch home is a home without a second floor.  It's the sort of house that I need to move into since I can't really do stairs much anymore.  Too much pain and uncertainty with my legs.

So, I will think about a rewrite as I sleep.  You really have to pick and choose what to leave out in a 2 pager.  Although, I have at least 1 script that will be less then 2 pages, I'm all but sure, and it will be a shocker.  


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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DanC
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I just finished the second.  It's called the Great Finger Pointing Controversy.  A terrible secret threatens to break apart a family as they wait for the end.

Here's the link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/p39qhbfar949xpz/The%20Great%20Finger%20Pointing%20Controversy.pdf?dl=0

I will continue first drafts and then move stuff around.  These 2 are pretty basic.  The last 4 are a bit deeper and 1 is based on an old poem that was read to me in grade school.  I couldn't recall how to upload stuff to dropbox, but, I can remember a poem that I haven't heard in years.  Go figure.  If anyone cares, it's called Southbound on the Freeway.  

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Dustin
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 5:45am Report to Moderator
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Even less reason for the staff to get involved if the votes don't mean anything to the end result. If all entries are read by the organisers then what does it matter if I think a script is average? Also, I don't like that the organisers seem to be showing their hand so early and doling out marks on scripts themselves.

The guy called it portraiture. True portraiture, IMO, doesn't require dialogue. The pictures paint the words. Not a bunch of melodrama snatched from a million stories already told.


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Dustin
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Quoted from DanC
I just finished the second.  It's called the Great Finger Pointing Controversy.  A terrible secret threatens to break apart a family as they wait for the end.

Here's the link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/p39qhbfar949xpz/The%20Great%20Finger%20Pointing%20Controversy.pdf?dl=0

I will continue first drafts and then move stuff around.  These 2 are pretty basic.  The last 4 are a bit deeper and 1 is based on an old poem that was read to me in grade school.  I couldn't recall how to upload stuff to dropbox, but, I can remember a poem that I haven't heard in years.  Go figure.  If anyone cares, it's called Southbound on the Freeway.  

Dan


What is the significance of the family being black?

Code

Keith goes ballistic.



In the above you write that he goes ballistic, but what does he do exactly? To me, going ballistic would be throwing the table over, and maybe picking up a chair, about to jump on somebody to beat the shit out of them. But then they have time to kiss at the table and only then does Keith stand and scream. So if he's only just standing and screaming now, what did he exactly do to go ballistic?

DeAndra talks everyone around far too quickly. Keith blames the gays for the apocalypse, he's not sure if even he is going to get into heaven because of them (ergo the prayer at the beginning), and yet he drops his head in shame at a few simple words from his wife who for some reason isn't filled with hate like her husband. Why is she with him? She loves him even though he is a bigot? At least he isn't a racist too I suppose.

Everyone learns to love despite the apocalypse. All neat and tidy, within two pages. I don't think you can do this in two pages. It's too easy for you to end it with DeAndra talking them all down and they bowing their heads like all of a sudden they realise the wisdom of her words.

I wouldn't waste your money entering this one, if I were you. But I'm not you, you are. I could be completely wrong... and, I often am.


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DanC
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 6:33am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


What is the significance of the family being black?

Code

Keith goes ballistic.



In the above you write that he goes ballistic, but what does he do exactly? To me, going ballistic would be throwing the table over, and maybe picking up a chair, about to jump on somebody to beat the shit out of them. But then they have time to kiss at the table and only then does Keith stand and scream. So if he's only just standing and screaming now, what did he exactly do to go ballistic?

DeAndra talks everyone around far too quickly. Keith blames the gays for the apocalypse, he's not sure if even he is going to get into heaven because of them (ergo the prayer at the beginning), and yet he drops his head in shame at a few simple words from his wife who for some reason isn't filled with hate like her husband. Why is she with him? She loves him even though he is a bigot? At least he isn't a racist too I suppose.

Everyone learns to love despite the apocalypse. All neat and tidy, within two pages. I don't think you can do this in two pages. It's too easy for you to end it with DeAndra talking them all down and they bowing their heads like all of a sudden they realise the wisdom of her words.

I wouldn't waste your money entering this one, if I were you. But I'm not you, you are. I could be completely wrong... and, I often am.


Hi Dustin
     thanks for the read bud.  I agree with what you said.  

Sometimes, I'm an idiot.  I tried to create a whole story in 2 pages, which is very hard.

You're right about the dad going ballistic.  I need to show him doing more.  It is so hard with such limited space.

I kinda took a family that I read about not too long ago.  They were a baptist family.  Dad was a reverend, son was gay.  Dad hated gays.  Mom put them all in line.  

I think what I might do, if I enter this, is not wrap it up in 2 pages.  That way, I can spend all the time on the fight and leave it up in the air what happens.

If this ever happened, I can easily see this fight happening.  If anything, I think this trope will be one of the most common ones.

IMO, the most common ideas will be:
people rushing to be with loved ones.
People doing crimes
People praying
People blaming everyone else for the Impact, like gays vs religion etc
Suicide
Murder
devastation.

For me, I don't care about rushing home.  That's boring to read.  Crimes are pointless to me.  What can you steal to gain my interest?  Praying could be interesting, especially if say a Muslim walks into a Catholic church, or vise versa.  

I don't like to write about suicide stuff, not my thing, and I don't care about murder now since they are all gonna die anyways.  The Devastation stuff they said to stay away from (budget wise) so, doing anything would be really hard on a big scale.  

But, the blame game could get interesting b/c of all the different angles, gay, straight, which religion is right etc.  That could be fun.  

Damn 2 page limit crap...

Oh, here's my latest version of the other story "Last Chance"  I've changed a good amount in it.  I like this one better.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/zmz3dnk4qzqc3qo/Last%20Chance-2.pdf?dl=0

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Dustin
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 6:42am Report to Moderator
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If you stick to the common ones expect your script to be put in a pile of similar scripts. Even if your writing is 100% great, there will be others in the pile that are too. Then it's lottery time. Think outside the box.


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MarkRenshaw
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Dan - I'll read yours some time over the weekend and give you some feedback.

In the meantime, as I start writing my second idea can you guys check out my first and let me know what you think?

I've got space to add more, wondering if it needs any more? I had the guy saying something at the end like No! or Stop! but wasn't sure if it was needed.

Title - Assemble Avenger
Logline -  A mild-mannered man decides the world needs a superhero to save it from imminent destruction.  

https://www.dropbox.com/s/683gut3pnztj7lm/Assemble%20Avenger.pdf?dl=0


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
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Mark - the writing is clean as always but I wanted more out of the ending, just sort of peters out at the mo...

What about the beach being full, he starts to use his gauntlet to stop the meteor and the cround cheer him on... something more memorable.

Just a thought


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Max
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You have to pay £5 to enter? I know it's cheap compared to some other contests but that's like... 4 cans of John Smiths, or a doner.

No thanks, lol


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stevemiles
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Mark,

I like it.  Strong final image -- kind of wish fulfillment.  Cosplayís last stand...

Could trim the Drunk DJís dialogue a touch to give you an extra couple of lines if needed.

On the fence about the bike -- feels a bit at odds with the geeky kind of cosplay costume -- though I do like the image of him Ďracingí the meteor.  

Couple of possible add ons in a random sidekick or love interest -- if the space is there.  I did wonder what if someone else had had the same idea as him?  I'd leave out the No! or Stop!  Less you want to go the full Gandalf vs. the Balrog...

Fun, quirky idea.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Dustin
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 11:49am Report to Moderator
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That's an interesting one, Mark. Not sure the DJ is needed or what he adds aside from stating the obvious. Maybe the guy could walk out of a mental hospital after all the staff run home. Show some comic books in his room.

Then he stumbles upon the store, mismatches and goes into battle against the impact.

Just a thought. I like it though. It works.


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MarkRenshaw
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Mark - the writing is clean as always but I wanted more out of the ending, just sort of peters out at the mo...

What about the beach being full, he starts to use his gauntlet to stop the meteor and the cround cheer him on... something more memorable.

Just a thought


The 'rules' state I should avoid big setpieces as they won't have the budget for it so I can't have the beach full but maybe a small crowd has gathered for an end of the world party?

I do like the idea of him being on his own though, a one-man cosplay Avenger just standing up to the end of the world in one last act of defiance on behalf of all humanity. Hmm, I'll have to have a think.

Thanks for all the comments, in the meantime here's my second potential entry. It's more straightforward and obvious but I just had to write it.

Title - The Rainbow Bridge
Logline - A father tries to console his daughter after the death of the family dog, not realising they will be joining him very soon.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/87m9rulof1bfdze/The%20Rainbow%20Bridge.pdf?dl=0



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw


The 'rules' state I should avoid big setpieces as they won't have the budget for it so I can't have the beach full but maybe a small crowd has gathered for an end of the world party?

I do like the idea of him being on his own though, a one-man cosplay Avenger just standing up to the end of the world in one last act of defiance on behalf of all humanity. Hmm, I'll have to have a think.

Thanks for all the comments, in the meantime here's my second potential entry. It's more straightforward and obvious but I just had to write it.

Title - The Rainbow Bridge
Logline - A father tries to console his daughter after the death of the family dog, not realising they will be joining him very soon.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/87m9rulof1bfdze/The%20Rainbow%20Bridge.pdf?dl=0



Hey Mark,
    I'm gonna comment on both stories at the same time.

1.  I was afraid when I saw the super hero one.  I have an idea in mind too, but, mine goes in a different direction.  I enjoyed it a lot.  I like the bike.  The only thing I was worried about:  The use of actual superheroes stuff.  You'd have to get the rights to use them, for the shoot.  IMO, the directions say to stay away from anything that would cost money.  That'd cost money.

That's why superhero shows, if they have comics, make up their own.  I'd make up my own characters and do that.  About the bike, why not have him do his bike too?

As for his motivation, why not have him look at photos of his kids and then don the superhero garb?  Or, just keep it for him.  Death is a powerful motivator and people would flip out.

One issue that I have with the contest as a whole.  They are wrong in a few big ways.  
1.  There is no way that a planet killer would get that close to us without us knowing about it a year in advance.  No way.  there was an article on that about a year ago.

2.  If it's a planet killer, bigger then the one that killed the dinosaurs, then the earth might be knocked off its orbit.  Some suggest that happened when the dinosaurs died.  Even a few hundred miles would radically alter the way the sun interacts with the Earth.  So, IMO, the blast wave might not kill you right away, but, the sudden increase or decrease in temp as the planet swings out of orbit would.


Story 2, you have, on page 2, when Madison refers to herself as Madison when Dad offers to take her to see Jerry.  Was that on purpose?  It seems awkward.

That ending was good.

I had that storyline as one of the more common ideas, but, man, it works.  I enjoyed it.  

The ONLY issue that I have, once again, their rules.  Is showing a fake rainbow bridge a budget killer?  Would they put it in a pile they can't shoot?  

I mean, if they can't hire some extras to fill up a world gone nuts (and it would) then how much cash do they have for anything?

Dan  


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Dustin
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 2:03pm Report to Moderator
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Dan, how the asteroid got there isn't your concern. Personally, I'd have made it a comet, one that was being tracked but something happened in space to make it change direction, maybe a test probe we landed on it exploded. There are lots of ways to make this work... that's not for you to worry about though.

Also, the majority of the filming will be done by amateur filmmakers. So it won't cost the organisers much. But they will have to shoot the President scenes and meteorite scenes, probably some mayhem type stuff as filler.


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eldave1
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 2:13pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC
I just finished the second.  It's called the Great Finger Pointing Controversy.  A terrible secret threatens to break apart a family as they wait for the end.

Here's the link:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/p39qhbfar949xpz/The%20Great%20Finger%20Pointing%20Controversy.pdf?dl=0

I will continue first drafts and then move stuff around.  These 2 are pretty basic.  The last 4 are a bit deeper and 1 is based on an old poem that was read to me in grade school.  I couldn't recall how to upload stuff to dropbox, but, I can remember a poem that I haven't heard in years.  Go figure.  If anyone cares, it's called Southbound on the Freeway.  

Dan


Hey Dan: gave this a read.

In a two page contest you got to stand out - starting with the title. "The Great Finger Pointing Controversy" doesn't do it. IMO, it screams something that was just slapped on.

The nut of the story is a good one - i.e., a homophobic preacher learns that his son is gay just before the end of days. I would not abandon the gist of it, But start by giving it a title that will draw interest - examples:

- Confession is Good For the Sole
- Revelation
- Dis-Like Father, Like Son.

Not necessarily these - but something that will give some pop up front and draw readers in.

In terms of the story itself , IMO, there are two problems here. One, the big reveal comes to early and as a result the story ends in a whimper. It should end in a bang. Two, there is a very unrealistic - "going ballistic" and a follow-up kumbuya given the time permitted (i.e., two pages).

In addition, I would nuke the Ray character - you don't need him and the story would play out better if it is the son doing the reveal rather than the lover/friend (Ray). You might want to try a story sequence something like this:

* A Reverend  with God Hates Fags signs on his lawn is shouting through a bull horn to passers buy to confess their sins now. His son and wife by his side. (Note - this is just an example. The actual action you pick is not important - just start with letting us know the Good Reverend's beliefs).

* The Reverend goes on about God's vengeance for sodomy and impurity. Lowers his bull horn - tells his wife and son - see, those who refuse to confess are doomed.

* Son reveals he is gay.

* Reverend shocked/horrified - "no son of mine is a fag"

* Wife - he's not you son. He's your brother's.

Horrified look on Reverend's face - all he believed turned upside down - FLASH OF LIGHT - fade out.

Again, the above is just an example - so don't get hung up on the specifics - focus on the flow - that is, the Reverend learning something at the last moment that is a 180 degrees away from his belief system and that he has no time to process.

One nit: I think it is an easier read if the character is REVEREND JAMES rather than KEITH (it's just easier to follow that way).

Don't give up on this. I think it has a cool message and the potential for a real good two pager.




My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 2:13pm Report to Moderator
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The things you learn whilst researching for a script...


http://common-phobias.com/Meteoro/phobia.htm

A phobia of meteors - who would have guessed it.

The one I liked most, and had me laughing for several minutes, is the phobia of....have a guess...phobias  

Oh this would shine a light upon those dark winter nights. Along with the phobia of good news    yes, it exists. That damn good news, so annoying don't you find?


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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eldave1
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Dan - I'll read yours some time over the weekend and give you some feedback.

In the meantime, as I start writing my second idea can you guys check out my first and let me know what you think?

I've got space to add more, wondering if it needs any more? I had the guy saying something at the end like No! or Stop! but wasn't sure if it was needed.

Title - Assemble Avenger
Logline -  A mild-mannered man decides the world needs a superhero to save it from imminent destruction.  

https://www.dropbox.com/s/683gut3pnztj7lm/Assemble%20Avenger.pdf?dl=0


Over all, well done. Solid entry.

I didn't like the drunken DJ. The radio as a device was fine, I just would rather it be something that was inspiring AVERAGE GUY's behavior (e.g., we need a miracle, why didn't someone  save us, blah blah, blah).  



My Scripts can all be seen here:

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eldave1
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw


The 'rules' state I should avoid big setpieces as they won't have the budget for it so I can't have the beach full but maybe a small crowd has gathered for an end of the world party?

I do like the idea of him being on his own though, a one-man cosplay Avenger just standing up to the end of the world in one last act of defiance on behalf of all humanity. Hmm, I'll have to have a think.

Thanks for all the comments, in the meantime here's my second potential entry. It's more straightforward and obvious but I just had to write it.

Title - The Rainbow Bridge
Logline - A father tries to console his daughter after the death of the family dog, not realising they will be joining him very soon.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/87m9rulof1bfdze/The%20Rainbow%20Bridge.pdf?dl=0



Mark: Poignant - well written. I liked it.

My only issue with this script is the same I have with all scripts I've read where the reveal of the catastrophe comes in the middle of the story - the two page limit simply does not allow enough time for a realistic digestion of what is about to happen.

I think this would work even better if the Mom and Dad are sitting there with the girl and they already know what is going to happen. The Dad can ask the Mom how much time they got - she can check her watch and say two minutes and then they pick up the girl to go see Jerry.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 2:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC


Hey Mark,
    I'm gonna comment on both stories at the same time.

1.  I was afraid when I saw the super hero one.  I have an idea in mind too, but, mine goes in a different direction.  I enjoyed it a lot.  I like the bike.  The only thing I was worried about:  The use of actual superheroes stuff.  You'd have to get the rights to use them, for the shoot.  IMO, the directions say to stay away from anything that would cost money.  That'd cost money.

That's why superhero shows, if they have comics, make up their own.  I'd make up my own characters and do that.  About the bike, why not have him do his bike too?

As for his motivation, why not have him look at photos of his kids and then don the superhero garb?  Or, just keep it for him.  Death is a powerful motivator and people would flip out.


Hi Dan. Thanks for the read. There should be no issue with the superhero stuff. He's not a superhero, he's wearing cosplay outfits. You can show cosplay in movies without having to pay for the license. That's one of the reasons I have him as Mismatch Man so he's not infringing on anything.  


Quoted from DanC

One issue that I have with the contest as a whole.  They are wrong in a few big ways.  
1.  There is no way that a planet killer would get that close to us without us knowing about it a year in advance.  No way.  there was an article on that about a year ago.

2.  If it's a planet killer, bigger then the one that killed the dinosaurs, then the earth might be knocked off its orbit.  Some suggest that happened when the dinosaurs died.  Even a few hundred miles would radically alter the way the sun interacts with the Earth.  So, IMO, the blast wave might not kill you right away, but, the sudden increase or decrease in temp as the planet swings out of orbit would.


It's fiction, this is the only part of the contest that is fantasy. A big 'What if?' sci-fi scenario. It's just a mechanism to join all the 50 stories together, I wouldn't worry about it.


Quoted from DanC

Story 2, you have, on page 2, when Madison refers to herself as Madison when Dad offers to take her to see Jerry.  Was that on purpose?  It seems awkward.

That ending was good.

I had that storyline as one of the more common ideas, but, man, it works.  I enjoyed it.  

The ONLY issue that I have, once again, their rules.  Is showing a fake rainbow bridge a budget killer?  Would they put it in a pile they can't shoot?  

I mean, if they can't hire some extras to fill up a world gone nuts (and it would) then how much cash do they have for anything?

Dan  


This story (apart from the end of the world part) is based on a very emotional conversation I had with my daughter last week. She (Madison) is 5 and quite often refers to herself in the third-person. My son did the same, apparently it's quite a common phase kids go through, so I thought I'd chuck in some realistic 5 year old type dialogue.

As for the Rainbow Bridge we never see it. I never say in the action that we see it. All we see is Dad holding his daughter and talking. Madison is imagining the Rainbow Bridge.



Cheers for the feedback. I'm gonna sleep on both stories for a few days and do another draft before I submit.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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wonkavite
Posted: June 20th, 2015, 5:29pm Report to Moderator
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Okay.  I swore I was only going to do two.  But another idea came to me today.  Resulting in: Fifty Shades of Impact. This stuff is like popcorn. It's hard to stop!

If anyone's curious, it's here: http://www.create50.com/scripts/5585e68f3838331c871f0000

My other two are finalized.

Caged:http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e159d3838337fc4070000
Top of the World: http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e16453838337fc7020000
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DanC
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 12:12pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from wonkavite
Okay.  I swore I was only going to do two.  But another idea came to me today.  Resulting in: Fifty Shades of Impact. This stuff is like popcorn. It's hard to stop!

If anyone's curious, it's here: http://www.create50.com/scripts/5585e68f3838331c871f0000

My other two are finalized.

Caged:http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e159d3838337fc4070000
Top of the World: http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e16453838337fc7020000


I am shocked that you posted them to the site so quickly instead of letting others read them here first.  I know I have like 7 ideas, but, I don't plan to spend 50.  to post them all.  I think I'd rather post them here first, for free, then post them there and have little to no chance to win.

Just my 2 cents.
Dan

Ps, I forgot that I did read 50 shades.  It was good.  It was funny, and it was predictable.  That's okay.  I also liked how it was a total-contained story.  They find out on the news.  They decide to go out with a bang.  That's good.  I suspect many would choose to die that way.  I think I would...


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 1:41pm Report to Moderator
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Hi folk

Dan - i tend to agree that its worthwhile checking out what folk think here first. Its free and there isn't a rush at Impact, as far as i see it.

i will read and review the others later - read yours Janet and will comment here later.

In the meantime I would appreciate thoughts on this, and i will return the read.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/nh21jn6pxtgn9fg/untamed.pdf?dl=0

thanks


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
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Quoted from eldave1


Mark: Poignant - well written. I liked it.

My only issue with this script is the same I have with all scripts I've read where the reveal of the catastrophe comes in the middle of the story - the two page limit simply does not allow enough time for a realistic digestion of what is about to happen.

I think this would work even better if the Mom and Dad are sitting there with the girl and they already know what is going to happen. The Dad can ask the Mom how much time they got - she can check her watch and say two minutes and then they pick up the girl to go see Jerry.



If you think of each 2 page script in isolation, yes you are correct. However I've been reading some of the scripts on the site and some, even the ones that are getting the best reviews/ratings, don't mention the disaster at all.

I thought it odd at first but then I realised this is all part of a feature film. If selected each 2 minute script will form part of a 100 minute+ feature. Any script which takes place in Act 2 or 3 will already have the context established earlier on.

In my hero script I had the DJ there because I thought he had to explain what was going on, it had to work stand-alone but it doesn't really. Everyone is saying the DJ doesn't really work and they are right so I'm going to cut him, at this point the audience will know what is happening. Same with the Rainbow Bridge one.

-Mark



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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stevemiles
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 2:51pm Report to Moderator
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Bill,

Doctor Jones?  -- the name does conjure a certain imageÖ  

Thereís a certain bittersweetness to this, which I like; though itís perhaps a little too downbeat and not as effective as I think it could be.  I think Iíd feel more were Doctor Jones to actually get Mary outside -- fulfill his promise to get her to Ďwalk out of hereí -- in some capacity at least.

Is it necessary that heís a Doctor?  He didnít seem to have any specific information that a friend or neighbor couldnít have had.  Iíd consider drawing the Doctor character deeper into this -- I get that he has a son he can't say goodbye to, though it's thrown in very matter of fact -- more of an aside.  How about giving him a similar goal in getting to the graveside of a loved one?  I donít see it would be too much of a stretch in a small, isolated town.

Like the idea of the damaged recluse -- it's just not quite pulling at the heartstrings -- for me anyhow.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Max
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Dropbox is utter shite, DocDroid is better IMO.

Anyway, Bill my man, thoughts...

For me, the piece was about how strong fear can be in a person.  The world is ending but she can't let go of her fear.

We have fear, concern from the doctor, a past tragedy.  We get some idea of how Mary has been living and how it's affected her (the hoarding in the hallway)

Easy to follow, an air of tragedy, and the fact that she wasted her opportunity to say goodbye, and the Doctor would've probably done anything for that same chance,

Well done.


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Max
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Quoted from stevemiles
Bill,

Doctor Jones?  -- the name does conjure a certain imageÖ  

Thereís a certain bittersweetness to this, which I like; though itís perhaps a little too downbeat and not as effective as I think it could be.  I think Iíd feel more were Doctor Jones to actually get Mary outside -- fulfill his promise to get her to Ďwalk out of hereí -- in some capacity at least.

Is it necessary that heís a Doctor?  He didnít seem to have any specific information that a friend or neighbor couldnít have had.  Iíd consider drawing the Doctor character deeper into this -- I get that he has a son he can't say goodbye to, though it's thrown in very matter of fact -- more of an aside.  How about giving him a similar goal in getting to the graveside of a loved one?  I donít see it would be too much of a stretch in a small, isolated town.

Like the idea of the damaged recluse -- it's just not quite pulling at the heartstrings -- for me anyhow.


Yeah, I didn't view things that way.

I thought it was more about her than it was him.  I never like speaking for another writer, but I believe the character's a Doctor because that element of concern needs to be present. There needs to some attempt from another individual to help her, and a Doctor is perfect for that.

Ultimately he can't convince her, and that opportunity will never come around again.


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wonkavite
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC


I am shocked that you posted them to the site so quickly instead of letting others read them here first.  

Just my 2 cents.
Dan

Ps, I forgot that I did read 50 shades.  It was good.  It was funny, and it was predictable.  That's okay.  I also liked how it was a total-contained story.  They find out on the news.  They decide to go out with a bang.  That's good.  I suspect many would choose to die that way.  I think I would...



Hey Dan -

Well, I do completely understand why some people are choosing to polish their scripts on SS, before posting to the Impact boards.  But for me, a script generally goes through at least two-three iterations before I publish it anyway.  I know what I want to do and convey.  Which isn't to say that drafts don't get polished further as I get reads (they do, but Impact allows two re-drafts, anyway.)  So - for me - I was ready to get the scripts out there.  And I'm happy with what they say, whether or not they win a place at the Impact "table."  With 50 Shades, for instance - I got across the funny aspect, which is what I wanted to do.  I'm not surprised it's a bit predictable at the end.  With that setup, that's the only organic ending, IMO.  Anything else would be a twist for it's own sake, which is never good.  (It's also amusing that I think that really, both Cage and Top are more worthy than 50 Shades for a slot.  But so far, the 'raunchy' one's getting the best reviews.)  
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Reef Dreamer
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steve and max

thanks for the feedback and debate

all useful stuff and why its good to post here


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Max
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Quoted from wonkavite
Okay.  I swore I was only going to do two.  But another idea came to me today.  Resulting in: Fifty Shades of Impact. This stuff is like popcorn. It's hard to stop!

If anyone's curious, it's here: http://www.create50.com/scripts/5585e68f3838331c871f0000

My other two are finalized.

Caged:http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e159d3838337fc4070000
Top of the World: http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e16453838337fc7020000


Lol, two minutes to get your end away before the world ends.

Fifty Shades seems to very popular these days, especially with the recent release of the movie (which I liked btw, and I never even read the books)



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eldave1
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 3:19pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw


If you think of each 2 page script in isolation, yes you are correct. However I've been reading some of the scripts on the site and some, even the ones that are getting the best reviews/ratings, don't mention the disaster at all.

I thought it odd at first but then I realised this is all part of a feature film. If selected each 2 minute script will form part of a 100 minute+ feature. Any script which takes place in Act 2 or 3 will already have the context established earlier on.

In my hero script I had the DJ there because I thought he had to explain what was going on, it had to work stand-alone but it doesn't really. Everyone is saying the DJ doesn't really work and they are right so I'm going to cut him, at this point the audience will know what is happening. Same with the Rainbow Bridge one.

-Mark



Not sure if I was clear on my point Mark.  In some scripts, the characters already know that the end is at hand when the story opens - so as a reader I can envision that they have already processed the fact that all are going to die and the balance of the script involves them dealing with that fact.

In some scripts - like the one here - the character just learns that they are going to die (e.g., answer the phone - "what - no way - okay - bye"). In all those cases - the subsequent initial reactions seem unrealistic because it always has the tone of someone telling them their cable is out rather than the world is facing mass extinction.

Long winded way of saying - I think the scripts that open with the characters already knowing the bad news are far more effective.   Take Anthony's script for example. When he opens, the two expectant mothers already know that the end is near and therefore the entire two pages can deal with the impact of the tragedy (and in the case of Anthony's script = perfectly done). In the scripts where they learn of it half way in the response, by necessity, is too brief and tame for what is about to happen and takes away writing space for the reaction.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Max
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
steve and max

thanks for the feedback and debate

all useful stuff and why its good to post here


Was my review anything close to what you were intending with the piece?


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wonkavite
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 3:32pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Max

Fifty Shades seems to very popular these days, especially with the recent release of the movie (which I liked btw, and I never even read the books)



Erkkk!  Honestly, the book's pretty horrible. Someone left it in our building's laundry room when it first hit the newstands, and I read it out of curosity.  It's soccer mom porn, really.  Not exactly high level prose...     But really fun to riff on, nonetheless.
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Max
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Quoted from wonkavite


Erkkk!  Honestly, the book's pretty horrible. Someone left it in our building's laundry room when it first hit the newstands, and I read it out of curosity.  It's soccer mom porn, really.  Not exactly high level prose...     But really fun to riff on, nonetheless.


Yeah, but props to the writer tho, made a lot of bank off it.

If I wrote a book and became a multi-millionaire, I wouldn't care one jot.



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DanC
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Quoted from Max


Lol, two minutes to get your end away before the world ends.

Fifty Shades seems to very popular these days, especially with the recent release of the movie (which I liked btw, and I never even read the books)



Max,
Please turn in your man card for liking 50 shades of grey for any reason at all.
Thank you.
Signed
Men.

I know my man card is in "jail" right now for liking Abba, but, I have heard that movie was BAD.  Like really bad.  

Sorry I haven't been on much today.  I plan to read everyone's stuff a bit later on.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Max
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 3:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC


Max,
Please turn in your man card for liking 50 shades of grey for any reason at all.
Thank you.
Signed
Men.

I know my man card is in "jail" right now for liking Abba, but, I have heard that movie was BAD.  Like really bad.  

Sorry I haven't been on much today.  I plan to read everyone's stuff a bit later on.

Dan


Haha, nah nah, the girl in the film was fit.

A bad film to me is like, Ouija - arguably the worst film I've ever seen.


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AnthonyCawood
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Both Ouija and 50 Shades are absolutely dreadful!

Saw Mr Holmes today, movie of the year so far IMHO... and the writing is brilliant!

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Reef Dreamer
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Quoted from Max


Was my review anything close to what you were intending with the piece?


yes, indeed, it is her story. the question raised is whether someone stuck with a fear of the future, which governs their actions in a restrictive form, would be changed by the revolution that this and gone.

alas no, it is an illness after all.

However, this is an emotionally directed story and steve raises some points i have reflected on. in short feedback like the both of you have offered have just helped me tweak it - for the better. i think the concept is sound but getting this across in tow pages is the challenge. thats why i love this length of script, every word matters. new draft on its way.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/nh21jn6pxtgn9fg/untamed.pdf?dl=0


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Max
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Both Ouija and 50 Shades are absolutely dreadful!

Saw Mr Holmes today, movie of the year so far IMHO... and the writing is brilliant!

Anthony


I'll take 50 Shades over Ouija, any day of the week.

I'd even take Keith Lemon film.


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DanC
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Quoted from Max


I'll take 50 Shades over Ouija, any day of the week.

I'd even take Keith Lemon film.


I don't care how bad Ouija was, it has to be a zillion times better then Zombie Lake.  The thing is, Ouija should be a good idea for a story.  The original witchboard wasn't half bad.  Naturally, the sequels were bad b/c every sequel has to be bigger then the one before.

It's odd, but, for movies, most sequels are worse then the originals.  There are a few that are as good, or better, like Godfather, Star Wars, and Aliens, but, mostly, that isn't the case.

Now, video games are the opposite.  Later versions of popular titles are better.  Skyrim was better then Oblivion.  Fallout 3 was better then 2.  There are plenty of other success stories too.  

So, once has to wonder why are video games better, but, movies aren't?  IMO, movies try to do too much to "one-up" the original.  That isn't needed.  Have a good story.  Show it.  People will come.  Alien was the exception to that, but, they went from horror to sci-fi.  So, that worked.  

I'd add Terminator in, barely.  I know T2 is a hit now, in retrospect, but, man, when it came out, people hated it.  And i find it really funny, but, the part that people love now, her dream, was blasted as dumb when it came out.  Really odd how that happened.  Sometimes, I think people don't know what they have until years go by.

I admit, I thought Last Action Hero was a very interesting idea for a movie.  I could easily see that as a series, ala once upon a time...

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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LC
Posted: June 21st, 2015, 9:57pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
... yes, indeed, it is her story. the question raised is whether someone stuck with a fear of the future, which governs their actions in a restrictive form, would be changed by the revolution that this and gone.

alas no, it is an illness after all.

However, this is an emotionally directed story and steve raises some points i have reflected on. in short feedback like the both of you have offered have just helped me tweak it - for the better. i think the concept is sound but getting this across in tow pages is the challenge. thats why i love this length of script, every word matters. new draft on its way.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/nh21jn6pxtgn9fg/untamed.pdf?dl=0


Bill, I think this is a great premise but I think it could be far more powerful.


Is it Dr Phipp or Dr Jones (Jones on intro)

DOCTOR
You know that fear you have, about what
could happen tomorrow, there's not
going to be one.

That line (above) just doesn't sit well with me. Apart from the fact it comes across as pure exposition with regard to what Mary suffers from, (and we don't need it, cause it's visually going to be obvious - two people sitting on either side of a closed door) it just sounds on the nose to me. Mary already said she heard the news on the radio so I just feel like this line of the Doc's is highly insensitive as well i.e., let's rub it in.

Also, she's obviously agoraphobic, but she's a hoarder as well? I think it'd be stronger if you left it at the fact she won't come outside - is a shut-in. Hmm, I suppose things could get messy if you never venture out, are depressed etc.

DOCTOR
My son lives abroad. The phones
don't work, I can't say goodbye.

I think just a visual would work better. Doctors and certain professionals rarely give away their own life stories and I know that these are extraordinary circumstances but if you cut this dialogue and we see his reaction only - his silence, and then he changes the subject back to Mary - cause afterall it is all about her, then I think not only have you got more space left for other pithy dialogue but I think it'd be more effective. It's Mary's story - Doc's come all this way to see her, on this day.

DOCTOR
I thought I could help you. My last patient.

I think you could leave that out too - it's clear why he's there.

MARY
I'm sorry Doc. I've let you down. I
can't get out of this house,

I'd like to make a suggestion that instead of Mary saying she feels she's let the Doc down - the Doc actually confesses he feels he's let her down. He's the professional and he's failed her. This is his last day on earth as well so it's possible he wants to achieve something to make him feel like his life's work was important. It works on two levels too cause even if he's lyinghe'll do anything at this point to lure her into the outside world. He's desperate.

MARY
But it's not. We're just part
of natureís great game. It's cruel.
I think the 'it's cruel' line is overkill. No pun intended.

Finally, I think it'd be really effective if instead of them visiting a grave there's a loved one of Mary's standing outside with the Doc. (the other son or daughter, for example) - that'd be so dramatic because her fear is still so great she can't be lured out even for him or her. He or she could stay silent for most of the interaction and finally reveal they are there.

And, seeing as it's a line you sort of use, why didn't you call it 'No More Tomorrow' or 'No Tomorrow' - (perhaps you're thinking there might be a few with that title. 'Untamed' sounds a little like it could be anything from Mills and Boone, to Black Beauty.

I don't mean to sound harsh here Bill, but I feel you could do so much more with the core idea, which is terrific.


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DanC
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 12:06am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC


Bill, I think this is a great premise but I think it could be far more powerful.


Is it Dr Phipp or Dr Jones (Jones on intro)

DOCTOR
You know that fear you have, about what
could happen tomorrow, there's not
going to be one.

That line (above) just doesn't sit well with me. Apart from the fact it comes across as pure exposition with regard to what Mary suffers from, (and we don't need it, cause it's visually going to be obvious - two people sitting on either side of a closed door) it just sounds on the nose to me. Mary already said she heard the news on the radio so I just feel like this line of the Doc's is highly insensitive as well i.e., let's rub it in.

Also, she's obviously agoraphobic, but she's a hoarder as well? I think it'd be stronger if you left it at the fact she won't come outside - is a shut-in. Hmm, I suppose things could get messy if you never venture out, are depressed etc.

DOCTOR
My son lives abroad. The phones
don't work, I can't say goodbye.

I think just a visual would work better. Doctors and certain professionals rarely give away their own life stories and I know that these are extraordinary circumstances but if you cut this dialogue and we see his reaction only - his silence, and then he changes the subject back to Mary - cause afterall it is all about her, then I think not only have you got more space left for other pithy dialogue but I think it'd be more effective. It's Mary's story - Doc's come all this way to see her, on this day.

DOCTOR
I thought I could help you. My last patient.

I think you could leave that out too - it's clear why he's there.

MARY
I'm sorry Doc. I've let you down. I
can't get out of this house,

I'd like to make a suggestion that instead of Mary saying she feels she's let the Doc down - the Doc actually confesses he feels he's let her down. He's the professional and he's failed her. This is his last day on earth as well so it's possible he wants to achieve something to make him feel like his life's work was important. It works on two levels too cause even if he's lyinghe'll do anything at this point to lure her into the outside world. He's desperate.

MARY
But it's not. We're just part
of natureís great game. It's cruel.
I think the 'it's cruel' line is overkill. No pun intended.

Finally, I think it'd be really effective if instead of them visiting a grave there's a loved one of Mary's standing outside with the Doc. (the other son or daughter, for example) - that'd be so dramatic because her fear is still so great she can't be lured out even for him or her. He or she could stay silent for most of the interaction and finally reveal they are there.

And, seeing as it's a line you sort of use, why didn't you call it 'No More Tomorrow' or 'No Tomorrow' - (perhaps you're thinking there might be a few with that title. 'Untamed' sounds a little like it could be anything from Mills and Boone, to Black Beauty.

I don't mean to sound harsh here Bill, but I feel you could do so much more with the core idea, which is terrific.




Hey Bill,
    I'm gonna pile on after LC did.  I agree with almost everything she said.  Except for the cruel part, I'd leave that in.  I guess that's a personal preference.  I feel that way too, a lot of the time.  Life can be cruel.

I'd like to know why she became agoraphobic.  There is usually a reason.

I hated the end.  I think you have such a powerful idea Bill.  I mean, I was riveted up till the last word.  then I hated it.  I don't know how much you know about the condition, but, it can be a paralyzing fear.  Just awful.  I wouldn't be shocked if I don't have a very mild case of it b/c I don't really enjoy being outside much.  For me, it's about the pain that I know I will be in the next day.

Back to the story, it was SOOOOOOOO good.  I mean, really awesome.  But, why is she a hoarder too?  

I agree the Dr should say he failed her.  Perhaps that gives her the courage to open up that door b/c her empathy overpowers her fear.  Perhaps he can use the fact that he can't ever see his son as a tool to get her to open up the door (spending my time with you instead of wasting my time with dead phones and internet).  I loved 95% of it.  It's that good.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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LC
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 12:16am Report to Moderator
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Hmm, further to what Dan said:

We're just part
of natureís great game. It's cruel.

It might be more effective as:

We're all just part of nature's cruel game.

And, despite the fact this woman is never coming out Dan's suggestion of the Doc saying he's all alone is a good one too.


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DanC
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 12:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Hmm, further to what Dan said:

We're just part
of natureÔŅĹs great game. It's cruel.

It might be more effective as:

We're just part of nature's cruel game.

And, despite the fact this woman is never coming out Dan's suggestion of the Doc saying he's all alone is a good one too.




Damn it LC.
That was my one good idea for the month.  May as well go back to sleep.  

But, I agree with both things she said.  I like how she wrote that sentence and I do think the Dr should play dirty.  I mean, who's gonna report him for ethics violations?

Dan

PS here is my newest entry.  If you guys feel this is too close to Janet's then I will pull it down, but, I think it's different enough.  But, I don't wish to piggy back...
It's called "the most noble of them all.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/11bv5rlvnjw1mgn/The%20Most%20Elevated%20Of%20Them%20All.pdf?dl=0

Wow, I'm on a roll tonight.  Here is another one.  It's called "Who reads the fine print."

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5nk46f3qmvvx7x1/Who%20Reads%20the%20Fine%20Print%3F.pdf?dl=0

And they keep coming.
This is about a superhero is just too good to be true.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/o9v3fjli9h73d2c/The%20Final%20Save.pdf?dl=0

And my last of the night.  Wow, I can't believe I wrote so much in just 2.5 hrs!!  4 different stories that have nothing in common.
This is called the Bunker and it is about a guy who creates a bunker to survive a crash from an asteroid.  What could go wrong?

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gwobk4ellvdebdb/The%20Bunker.pdf?dl=0


I'm headed to bed now.  I'm in agony.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan

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DanC  -  June 22nd, 2015, 2:22am
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Ledbetter
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 12:30am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Hmm, further to what Dan said:

We're just part
of natureís great game. It's cruel.

It might be more effective as:

We're all just part of nature's cruel game.

And, despite the fact this woman is never coming out Dan's suggestion of the Doc saying he's all alone is a good one too.



This is why I love to troll late night SS.

You just might find Libby out and about.  

Shawn.....><



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LC
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 1:24am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ledbetter
This is why I love to troll late night SS. You just might find Libby out and about.  

Typical Davis cheek.  



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MarkRenshaw
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Quoted from eldave1


Not sure if I was clear on my point Mark.  In some scripts, the characters already know that the end is at hand when the story opens - so as a reader I can envision that they have already processed the fact that all are going to die and the balance of the script involves them dealing with that fact.

In some scripts - like the one here - the character just learns that they are going to die (e.g., answer the phone - "what - no way - okay - bye"). In all those cases - the subsequent initial reactions seem unrealistic because it always has the tone of someone telling them their cable is out rather than the world is facing mass extinction.

Long winded way of saying - I think the scripts that open with the characters already knowing the bad news are far more effective.   Take Anthony's script for example. When he opens, the two expectant mothers already know that the end is near and therefore the entire two pages can deal with the impact of the tragedy (and in the case of Anthony's script = perfectly done). In the scripts where they learn of it half way in the response, by necessity, is too brief and tame for what is about to happen and takes away writing space for the reaction.


I see what you mean now. I agree, if they already know the end is at hand you donít have to convey the whole range of emotions someone would go through, in fact you donít have time to go through the anger, tears, fear and get to acceptance; you are already there.  If such an event did occur, some people would be caught with only minutes to spare and I did want to try and get that across. I wanted to convey a happy family who are caught out and spread apart by circumstance.  They canít get back together, thereís just him and his daughter. He wants to protect her but he canít so he softens the blow.

If I start off with them knowing the question would rise, why isnít he with his wife and other child? Why are they just sat there in the garden? So Iíd have to explain and that would either take up some white space or seem like exposition. I could change it so the family are all together from the start so Iíll ponder that.

When he goes inside to chat to his wife the conversation isnít brief, thatís why I have the scene heading as LATER instead of MOMENTS LATER but I agree this isnít easy to get across unless I show the conversation, which I donít have time for.  

HmmmmÖwhat to do, what to do?

Maybe if the mother is on the phone from the very start and she stays on the phone, even though the signal comes and goes? We could assume the conversation has happened before the script starts and then I donít have to go through Dad running in and out of the house, I can really hit the emotional keys straight from the first line.

-Mark




For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Dustin
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 2:50am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC


I know my man card is in "jail" right now for liking Abba...


I hate to break this to you, mate. Your man card's never getting out. I think it's already been executed.


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Reef Dreamer
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Dan and Libby - much appreciate the feedback. Lots to think about. How to compact a story with back story into two pages. Great challenge.

Dan

The most sincere

I haven't read Janet's but I agree I can picture a few on similar lines. The question you have to ask yourself, as we all do if we enter, ifswhether our script will stand out. And  will it be easy to film will be another  important factor.

I also think we should all consider scripts that bespoke to specific times, as they will have a time line, some which are in the dark part of the world and some which they can drip feed through the whole film.

Back to script.

This is easy to film ..ish...working with animals is always a tricky one, especially several. I just wondered whether you could focus on two fighting dogs, who don't . Say they were resuced from an illegal fight. That way it is contained and a little more punchy. Like mine I think we can trim the exposition and seek to rely on others ways. Eg your line on catastrophes, could just be...'you know, don't you' we then get the drift they are putting things to one side.  


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 2:56am Report to Moderator
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Dan

Who reads the fine print

Not sure this works for me. First off they have asked for low budget scripts, this starts with  a biggie scene.

A few typos - SECRET bunker

I kind of got what you were saying, that the world who fooled by a tribute, or was it coincidence etc but it wasn't very clear, especially whey the Iranian leader is there etc

Now, officials trying to save themselves in a bunker, forgetting everyone else, that has legs. It could also be contained. Again, I would imagine we will see this type of entry but can you come up with one that's different?


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Dustin
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer


I think this one has some legs. You can drop the exposition though.

Code

DOCTORMy son lives abroad. The phones don't work, I can't say goodbye. But, Mary, you can. I thought I could help you. My last patient.



My last patient. Kill it, it's nasty.



Code

MARYI'm sorry Doc. I've let you down. I can't get out of this house, can't visit Ellie's grave, can't do anything right. It has me.



I don't like the first line. I'm sorry Doc, I've let you down. It's more like she's physically disabled than mental. I think it's a step too far. And the last line... it has me... I'd drop that too.

Hm, now that I've got to the end, I'm not so sure. If you had pulled it off in two pages where he brings her around using the logic of no more tomorrow then that would have worked for me. This way I'm not so sure it does... but that's my opinion. Just one voice... and I'm very picky about what I watch.


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Quoted from DanC




Damn it LC.
That was my one good idea for the month.  May as well go back to sleep.  

But, I agree with both things she said.  I like how she wrote that sentence and I do think the Dr should play dirty.  I mean, who's gonna report him for ethics violations?

Dan

PS here is my newest entry.  If you guys feel this is too close to Janet's then I will pull it down, but, I think it's different enough.  But, I don't wish to piggy back...
It's called "the most noble of them all.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/11bv5rlvnjw1mgn/The%20Most%20Elevated%20Of%20Them%20All.pdf?dl=0

Wow, I'm on a roll tonight.  Here is another one.  It's called "Who reads the fine print."

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5nk46f3qmvvx7x1/Who%20Reads%20the%20Fine%20Print%3F.pdf?dl=0

And they keep coming.
This is about a superhero is just too good to be true.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/o9v3fjli9h73d2c/The%20Final%20Save.pdf?dl=0

And my last of the night.  Wow, I can't believe I wrote so much in just 2.5 hrs!!  4 different stories that have nothing in common.
This is called the Bunker and it is about a guy who creates a bunker to survive a crash from an asteroid.  What could go wrong?

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gwobk4ellvdebdb/The%20Bunker.pdf?dl=0


I'm headed to bed now.  I'm in agony.

Dan


Hey Dan, you were on a roll last night!

Most Noble Ė Did seem to me to be similar to Janetís but there will be loads similar to each other, even unintentionally.  I like the idea of the dogs being calm and getting along while the humans regress. I donít think we need Susan to tell the audience this though, it sounds like exposition. The action is enough I think to get this across.

Just a note from the website Ė They state ĎIn our story, the world does not descend into total anarchy or chaos (we can't stage this on challenging resources). There will be some chaos of course, and many people would of course abandon their jobs and services would most likely grind to a halt, like transport, communications, the internet. Of course, some people would remain to serve others. Just avoid large scale 'on screen' social breakdown.í

So bear this in mind when writing these.

Who Reads the Fine Print Ė See my note above lol! A big budget production and you are changing the story. The impact does happen, in your story you are saying itís a fake broadcast just like the original War of the Worlds.

The Final Save Ė I see you manage to sneak in a superhero script and try to use the mental patient as a way to explain it but thatís just like the Ďitís all a dreamí ploy and I donít think it works. Itís way over the budget guidelines anyway but bless you for trying haha!

The Bunker Ė Sounds big budget but you may get away with it if you donít show anything that the characters are talking about. Iím no  scientist but if the Earth went out of orbit would it freeze us in 5 seconds?

Out of all of them I like Most Noble the best and it seems to fit the parameters the most, but itís up to you of course.

-Mark



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 5:44am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw


Hey Dan, you were on a roll last night!

Most Noble Ė Did seem to me to be similar to Janetís but there will be loads similar to each other, even unintentionally.  I like the idea of the dogs being calm and getting along while the humans regress. I donít think we need Susan to tell the audience this though, it sounds like exposition. The action is enough I think to get this across.

Just a note from the website Ė They state ĎIn our story, the world does not descend into total anarchy or chaos (we can't stage this on challenging resources). There will be some chaos of course, and many people would of course abandon their jobs and services would most likely grind to a halt, like transport, communications, the internet. Of course, some people would remain to serve others. Just avoid large scale 'on screen' social breakdown.í

So bear this in mind when writing these.

Who Reads the Fine Print Ė See my note above lol! A big budget production and you are changing the story. The impact does happen, in your story you are saying itís a fake broadcast just like the original War of the Worlds.

The Final Save Ė I see you manage to sneak in a superhero script and try to use the mental patient as a way to explain it but thatís just like the Ďitís all a dreamí ploy and I donít think it works. Itís way over the budget guidelines anyway but bless you for trying haha!

The Bunker Ė Sounds big budget but you may get away with it if you donít show anything that the characters are talking about. Iím no  scientist but if the Earth went out of orbit would it freeze us in 5 seconds?

Out of all of them I like Most Noble the best and it seems to fit the parameters the most, but itís up to you of course.

-Mark



Hi Mark,
     thanks so much for reading my ideas.  I was on a roll last night and will pay for it today.  I was in such pain that I had to get up and take an extra pain medication.  

Yeah, about the dog one, I merely state that the noise is getting louder.  I never actually show anything, on purpose, to keep it low budget.  We don't know what is happening outside.  I figured that it would fall into the "some chaos" since I never show outside.  Perhaps that's not good enough.  Oh, and I wanted to have her say that it isn't normal that dogs get along and don't fight.  It's a pretty rare occurrence, but, I have seen at times when animals do help each other out.

For the fine print, I thought they could just use stock footage that you see in all those horror movies like resident evil or walking dead.  Unless the laws changed, you can legally use up to 5 seconds of any movie w/o paying for it.  And the bunker could be anything really.  It could even be a safe house.

The superhero one, I might scrap.  I had wanted to do a superhero one, but, I might just be tossing money away.  And that title, even if I did get negative feedback, I can't do much with another story (no refunds).   I liked the symmetry of all the people he saved were people he interacted with.  You could tell who he liked and who he didn't.

Same thing for the bunker.  I don't show anything, just a hallway with a terminal in it.  So, I thought that wouldn't be expensive to shoot.  Oh, yeah, if the would was to be thrown off it's orbit by (I think) more then 5 degrees, all life on it would end.  The sort of impact they are having would certainly shoot it past the moon, which would end all life up to like 500 feet below the ground.  They didn't factor in for temps in the negative 300 F.

I have one more story left to write.  It's a high concept that is WAYYYYY outside the box.

Thanks again
Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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DanC
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 5:46am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


I hate to break this to you, mate. Your man card's never getting out. I think it's already been executed.


Dude, that's harsh.  Really harsh.  I'm gonna cry.  Oh wait, that's more crimes against man stuff!  Damn it, I can't win.

Gonna play Abba, no wait, not Abba, I mean , um, Black Sabbath.  Yeah, man stuff.  

truth be told, I have a lot of music.  Over 8K songs.

Dan

Last story idea I had.  This one is very high concept.  I hope people get it.  I know I was very influenced by a sister poem.  I won't give away too much.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/b83viitk8qrodcy/What%20on%20Earth%21%20Too.pdf?dl=0


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan

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DanC  -  June 22nd, 2015, 6:19am
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Angry Bear
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I have six of these, but I have to ask, what's the rush posting them already? Isn't there still ten weeks left?


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Max
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Yeah, 10 weeks by the looks of things.

Y'all got all the time in the world.  Spend a week on a script if you need to, or want to.

You can over-cook a script tho don't forget.


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Reef Dreamer
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Quoted from Angry Bear
I have six of these, but I have to ask, what's the rush posting them already? Isn't there still ten weeks left?


Personally, I wouldn't post them there, when I can post them here and get some straight forward feedback without the kid gloves. Plus I can choose which to ditch etc


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Max
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Yeah, if you've done a script just link it here and get some quick feedback.

Even if you are super-confident that you've done everything right, it gives me something new to read anyway.


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Reef Dreamer
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Quoted from Dustin


I think this one has some legs. You can drop the exposition though.

Code

DOCTORMy son lives abroad. The phones don't work, I can't say goodbye. But, Mary, you can. I thought I could help you. My last patient.



My last patient. Kill it, it's nasty.



Code

MARYI'm sorry Doc. I've let you down. I can't get out of this house, can't visit Ellie's grave, can't do anything right. It has me.



I don't like the first line. I'm sorry Doc, I've let you down. It's more like she's physically disabled than mental. I think it's a step too far. And the last line... it has me... I'd drop that too.

Hm, now that I've got to the end, I'm not so sure. If you had pulled it off in two pages where he brings her around using the logic of no more tomorrow then that would have worked for me. This way I'm not so sure it does... but that's my opinion. Just one voice... and I'm very picky about what I watch.


God you've got me thinking dustin - reversing the outcome. Hummm....

It's not what I was trying to achieve, which was that illnesses like this just don't go away - but you know what it may work better. Time for another version.


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Max
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Bill,

You could always have Mary walking out the door into a sea of white light.  Don't show the outside at all, just set the whole thing in the house, which would reflect being trapped in one place, and you trap the audience in one location as well.

The white light could represent an after-life, or a new life without fear.  And maybe the dude ain't a Doctor, maybe it's god, convincing her to make that leap to another world.

That could be an alternative ending.

Just throwing ideas out there.


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Angry Bear
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Quoted from Max

Even if you are super-confident that you've done everything right, it gives me something new to read anyway.

I am rather confident!  

I will post here, just not this far out. I agree with Janet though, these are kind of like popcorn, hard to stop.  



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Max
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Script junkies...


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eldave1
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw


Maybe if the mother is on the phone from the very start and she stays on the phone, even though the signal comes and goes? We could assume the conversation has happened before the script starts and then I donít have to go through Dad running in and out of the house, I can really hit the emotional keys straight from the first line.

-Mark




I like that change - it'll work



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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DanC
Posted: June 22nd, 2015, 9:07pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Max
Script junkies...


Yep, that's me.  I wrote 7 stories.  

Hey, as far as I know, I'm done.  I don't plan to enter all 7, and I have listed them all in one spot on this site located in the "my work in progress.  You can visit here:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1435025002/


As everyone knows by now, I appreciate every read and I will certainly read yours.  I'm hoping to narrow these down to the best.  As I said, I will update the stories and the links when i do so, meaning any story you click on will be the latest version.  I urge you to  do the same (putting them in one place) it makes it easier to find and discuss, in its own thread.  This way, it gets confusing.

Without a doubt, the one that is nothing like any other story you will read is a short called "What on Earth! Too" and when you are done, will most likely agree.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Max
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I would've written a few already but ya know, other tings in the pipe.


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Quoted from Max
I would've written a few already but ya know, other tings in the pipe.


Yeah like Paige from the WWE.  Gotta say that's a pretty hot pic.  I think I've always been a Lita, Stacey, and umm, can't recall her name, oh, and Torrie Wilson, and can't recall, but, she's retired now, and she's still hot.  She's blonde.

I know it's wrestling night, so, I'm sure you are glued.

I haven't watched wrestling in years.  I miss the old guys.  Yeah, I'm old...

Dan

Just recalled her name, Trish Stratus.


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan

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Dustin
Posted: June 23rd, 2015, 2:00am Report to Moderator
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Tings in a pipe is always a good thing.... well, some tings.

When I first heard that word, it was prison slang for drugs. Got any tings? I think it was taken from the Yardies. Although I'm not sure if when they said it, it referred to drugs.


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Max
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Quoted from DanC


Yeah like Paige from the WWE.  Gotta say that's a pretty hot pic.  I think I've always been a Lita, Stacey, and umm, can't recall her name, oh, and Torrie Wilson, and can't recall, but, she's retired now, and she's still hot.  She's blonde.

I know it's wrestling night, so, I'm sure you are glued.

I haven't watched wrestling in years.  I miss the old guys.  Yeah, I'm old...

Dan

Just recalled her name, Trish Stratus.


Trish & Lita are both Hall of Famers, Lita was inducted in 2014 and I prefer her to Trish.

Trish inducted Lita also.


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MarkRenshaw
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Quoted from Max


Trish & Lita are both Hall of Famers, Lita was inducted in 2014 and I prefer her to Trish.

Trish inducted Lita also.


I prefer Lita, thought she was awesome in the WWE. I saw (and touched) her once. She was walking down the ramp at a live show and I had seats right next to the ramp. Suddenly she rolled into the audience and seemed fine with fans grabbing her body. I touched he abs and have never washed my hand since.



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw


I prefer Lita, thought she was awesome in the WWE. I saw (and touched) her once. She was walking down the ramp at a live show and I had seats right next to the ramp. Suddenly she rolled into the audience and seemed fine with fans grabbing her body. I touched he abs and have never washed my hand since.



I don't blame you.  Man, she was hot.  It's really too bad that all that crap happened with the Hardy Boys.  That was all true you know.  She was really married to one and slept with the other.  Nothing like reality to sell fiction.

Same with the Macho Man.  Miss Elizabeth was really pretty when she first appeared in WWF.  


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

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Dan
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Max
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Quoted from DanC


I don't blame you.  Man, she was hot.  It's really too bad that all that crap happened with the Hardy Boys.  That was all true you know.  She was really married to one and slept with the other.  Nothing like reality to sell fiction.

Same with the Macho Man.  Miss Elizabeth was really pretty when she first appeared in WWF.  


Macho and Elizabeth, both dead, btw.



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DanC
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Quoted from Max


Macho and Elizabeth, both dead, btw.



Yeah, I know.  So many of the wrestlers I grew up with died very young.  Even a few in ECW or others like Tazz that are in rough shape due to the sport.  

People rag on wrestling, but, the athleticism and danger are very real.  I think I read that Piper has broken all 256 bones in his body at one time or another.  It's crazy.  

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 12:57am Report to Moderator
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My girlfriend is Croatian and she showed me a music video last night, called Smak Svita..and old hip hop song from Split.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4B7XvjCvbU

Smak Svita means End of the World. The song is about an asteroid hitting the planet and killing veryone, and what they would do.

At the end they interview people and ask what they would do. I can't translate it all..but basically the women said they would call or spend time with loved ones. One said that they would go shopping...forget sex and things like that, I would spend the day shopping.

The men almost universally said they would sleep with women. Usually they said they would sleep with as many beautiful women as possible. One said he would get drunk, then visit prostitutes.

Only two men had a different story...one said he would do nothing. The other said he would continue to work.

Just thought it was interesting in how it showed the difference in psychology.
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LC
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
The men almost universally said they would sleep with women. Usually they said they would sleep with as many beautiful women as possible.

Yeah, I hate to burst their fantasy bubbles but it kind of presumes they could get lucky with even one taker - beautiful, or not.  

And, shopping, for the women? What, so they can wear their new outfit on doomsday?!  




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Maybe it's because I've done the beautiful woman thing already (he says with gf looking over shoulder) but I wouldn't think about sex... I'd just want to be with the people I love. I suppose that makes me a woman in Croatia.


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IamGlenn
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Not sure if I'll enter this but I did write a 2 pager after reading about it.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/0ooeob5uzljzimw/ALL%20I%20HAVE.pdf?dl=0

All feedback is welcome.

Also, gonna read a few from here. So far I read Dustin's "One Last Hit"

Really enjoyed it. Absurd to think that something like that could be on the mind of people in their last few hours alive but in reality it most likely would be. Very well written and not without a nice bit of humour.

I'll go through this thread and have a read of some and give my thoughts here.


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DanC
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 1:38pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from IamGlenn
Not sure if I'll enter this but I did write a 2 pager after reading about it.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/0ooeob5uzljzimw/ALL%20I%20HAVE.pdf?dl=0

All feedback is welcome.

Also, gonna read a few from here. So far I read Dustin's "One Last Hit"

Really enjoyed it. Absurd to think that something like that could be on the mind of people in their last few hours alive but in reality it most likely would be. Very well written and not without a nice bit of humour.

I'll go through this thread and have a read of some and give my thoughts here.


Hey Glenn
    Quite a few people have posts on here, Anthony, Janet, Dustin and myself to name a few.  I have all mine listed under the "my works in progress" tab on this site.  

I read your story.  It was a cute little story.  I wasn't really sure if the homeless guy really understood what was going on.  Did he?  It was cute that he let the dog go with the girl.  It will make her time left on the planet nicer.

The only thing about it that I didn't like, no heart.  I think it was Dustin who said that there are gonna be hundreds of stories like this, perhaps thousands.  What makes yours stand out?  The writing was solid, no doubt, but, what impact (for lack of a better word) does your story leave?

If I was you, I'd amp up the giving away of his only friend so that his bed bud in the world can love the child.  IMO, that's the story.  An odd "soul mates" if you will.  Perhaps the dog acts in a way that the homeless guy never saw before.  Focus on that and i think you have a really solid piece.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Dustin
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Quoted from IamGlenn
Not sure if I'll enter this but I did write a 2 pager after reading about it.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/0ooeob5uzljzimw/ALL%20I%20HAVE.pdf?dl=0

All feedback is welcome.

Also, gonna read a few from here. So far I read Dustin's "One Last Hit"

Really enjoyed it. Absurd to think that something like that could be on the mind of people in their last few hours alive but in reality it most likely would be. Very well written and not without a nice bit of humour.

I'll go through this thread and have a read of some and give my thoughts here.


Hey thanks. I've lost interest in this thing now but I gave yours a read. I understand what you're going for here, but I feel that a dog has feelings too and probably wouldn't want to go with that girl. I think you should change it to a puppet or something. As a dog lover, it doesn't gel with me that the dog would leave so easily.

I once bought a boxer dog from somebody and she missed her last owners so much she cried for weeks, and took at least two months to get used to us.


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Hey ian, I liked that.

I get what dustin is saying and it's probably true. The question is whether this still could work on screen, and I think it probably could. If so I would push the age of frank, not able to walk the dog,  realises the dog is missing out, and the dog feels it too - that would be the on screen justification - the girl full of energy. He gets it. I would make it clear to him that this is the end. He is selfless - then you can have a poignant ending of him being alone. Winner.

Tall guy can be lost - I didn't feel he added anything. Focus on the others. Nice idea though.

I'll have a new version up of one of my troubled scripts and would appreciate a fresh set of eyes.


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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DanC
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Hey ian, I liked that.

I get what dustin is saying and it's probably true. The question is whether this still could work on screen, and I think it probably could. If so I would push the age of frank, not able to walk the dog,  realises the dog is missing out, and the dog feels it too - that would be the on screen justification - the girl full of energy. He gets it. I would make it clear to him that this is the end. He is selfless - then you can have a poignant ending of him being alone. Winner.

Tall guy can be lost - I didn't feel he added anything. Focus on the others. Nice idea though.

I'll have a new version up of one of my troubled scripts and would appreciate a fresh set of eyes.


Hey Bill
     Link to the new story?  I'm in the process of taking all the notes and rewriting mine.  I'm moving forward with all 5, so far.  I might cut one or 2...

LMK the story u want read.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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AnthonyCawood
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I liked the idea but agree with Dustin in terms of how likely the dog would be to go so easily...

How about the dog starts to go, turns back and the kid says 'you can come too'?

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dustin
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
I liked the idea but agree with Dustin in terms of how likely the dog would be to go so easily...

How about the dog starts to go, turns back and the kid says 'you can come too'?

Anthony


I like the latter idea, but I still don't like how easily this guy gave up his dog, it doesn't make me warm to him... it makes me think, why would he give away the only thing he loves. This dog is a living thing, a friend. Giving away a possession is fine, even his only possession. The dog doesn't count as a possession.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 3:43pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DanC


Hey Bill
     Link to the new story?  I'm in the process of taking all the notes and rewriting mine.  I'm moving forward with all 5, so far.  I might cut one or 2...

LMK the story u want read.

Dan


Still rough and ready, but this knocking out a two pager is fun...

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3dj54p7uwbwqljk/what%20lurks%20outside.pdf?dl=0

Cheers


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 4:16pm Report to Moderator
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@Dustin - agree, he needs more motivation... what if the girl said something like 'I've never had a dog, now I never will'... it'll be all the more poignant when he reluctantly hands it over.

Again just a thought

@Bill - liked this, but a couple of elements of dialogue were a little expositiony... e.g. the grave line... you could end with them at the graveside in front of Ellie's tombstone?


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dustin
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
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Bill,

Code

DOCTOR
Mary, there's a huge asteroid. It's going to hit any minute. 
All life will end. The world's in chaos, phones don't work. 
My son lives abroad. When I realised I couldn't say goodbye, 
I thought of you.



I don't think your story really starts till here. Let the images tell the story. These guys know each other well. Start here (obviously with some description) like the boxes.

Would she believe him, or would she consider it a trick to get her outside?

Yeah, because after that she has a too quick turnaround. Whereas if you start with this statement then you've got almost two pages for the turnaround.


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IamGlenn
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 5:33pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you all for taking a look and for all the feedback and suggestions.

I agree about the dog leaving a bit too easily. I suppose I was trying to show that the dog knows it would make this girl incredibly happy and there is no need to stay with the old man anymore. Dogs can sense danger and all that so he knows its time to help the girl out. Hard to get it all across in 2 pages. I'll fiddle around with it though and see what I can come up with.


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IamGlenn
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Bill,

Just read yours. I liked it.

I get the feeling though, like me, you found it tough to tell the story you wanted in two pages. This has the feeling of a snippet of quite an interesting story that I'd like to read. Like who is Ellie and what is up with Mary?

As it is, though, it's lacking that bit of bite which is hard to get into two pages.


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DanC
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin
Bill,

Code

DOCTOR
Mary, there's a huge asteroid. It's going to hit any minute. 
All life will end. The world's in chaos, phones don't work. 
My son lives abroad. When I realised I couldn't say goodbye, 
I thought of you.



I don't think your story really starts till here. Let the images tell the story. These guys know each other well. Start here (obviously with some description) like the boxes.

Would she believe him, or would she consider it a trick to get her outside?

Yeah, because after that she has a too quick turnaround. Whereas if you start with this statement then you've got almost two pages for the turnaround.



Bill,
     I agree with Dustin.  The story starts right there.  Everything else doesn't count.  

I also think he'd need proof to show her that he isn't lying.  I think that's your story.  Getting her to come out of the house.  Putting in his own son is good for his motivation.  Let the story tell itself.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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PrussianMosby
Posted: June 24th, 2015, 11:40pm Report to Moderator
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Yo, hope you're all fine. I just try to help here because I saw a similar movie in the past, made of several short stories.

I read a lot of your stuff here but the only scripts concept wise, that I think are good, are the one with giving birth in the last minute and the one with using the last moment for another drug trip.

The point I critique most is that many stories have lines such as Dustin quoted from Reef's script, I think. Just imagine how many scripts have an input like: Look girl there's the asteroid, the end nears blah... again and again... V.O. radio messages again and again...

But that's boring and repetitive. They don't need to tell this 20 times. That would be nonsense.

I also think they have a certain plotline for some stuff.

Just saying I think they want to see people, real people doing things:

The Buddhist-father taking his bald head kiddy to a last meditation at the temple
A surfer naturalist waiting for the last wave, alone in the ocean.
A Park full of pets left by their owners
Guys taking drugs
Hectic, chaos
A birth
A couple who says the truth to themselves the first time... etc.
People lost their faith, or experience faith

I don't spend my money on this project, so perhaps I have a cold view on things here. Really, there were a lot of ideas, not only by you people, which read a bit over the top.


@ah, Dustin almost forgot. Your drug Story would be much more interesting, if they run for the drugs and finally take it. Show the people how extreme they are when pushing some coke, that would be a valuable slot for one of those 50 stories... Not everyone's farmiliar to this, so interesting pictures instead of dialogue...

Sorry no grammar check this time, just trying to give some input for all your investments.

Work with Pictures, our earth is on stake.... hope to help
Read you soon


In the Head of the Driver (3p - drama, sports, SF)

Those Infinite Wolves††(8p - psychological horror)

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DanC
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 12:13am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


Hey thanks. I've lost interest in this thing now but I gave yours a read. I understand what you're going for here, but I feel that a dog has feelings too and probably wouldn't want to go with that girl. I think you should change it to a puppet or something. As a dog lover, it doesn't gel with me that the dog would leave so easily.

I once bought a boxer dog from somebody and she missed her last owners so much she cried for weeks, and took at least two months to get used to us.


Hey Dustin
    Even though you executed my man card, I am still gonna be nice to you.

I actually wish you'd come back into the contest.  I liked your story.  I thought it had some good value.

I read the offending story in question and man, you were spot on.  And I'm not talking about the english as her second language.  That was clear and it is what it is.

But, man, the story was generic.  No names for the mom and daughter.  And did you see her reason?  So she didn't have to give them a backstory with ethnicity and what not.  What a bunch of crock.

Her story did have flaws.  And on here, it wouldn't fly.

Which brings me to my point.  but, first a story:

When I played magic at the pro levels, I visited a store here locally that I had never been to.  The people there were kinda rude and overconfident.  They were having a big tournament and I was invited to bring as many people as I wanted to.  After all, we'd be donating money to their pot.

So, day of the tournament happens, and we walk in, and a few say "wow, look at the scrubs that scrub brought in, we're gonna have a lot for our prizes."

Kid u not, that was what said.
8 of us walked in.  Top 8 got to play for the big prizes.  About 30 people there that day.

All 8 of up placed top 8, not a single one of them got a sniff of the prizes.  We were just too good.

Which brings me to the point.
This site has a lot of good writers on it.  How awesome would it be if multiple people on here placed and did well?  How awesome would that be?

If they are really going after the best of the best, let these writers have their flaws.  Tell them what they want to hear.  There're like the people telling my friends and myself that they will win all the prizes.

Let our writing show them how it's done.  You're a good writer.  There are a lot of good guys on here.  A lot of good writers who deserve a break.  Perhaps this is a shot at a break.  Who knows, you might not win top 50, but, a judge might like your style and hire you.  

Lets take as many of the top 50 as we can, and you know why?

BECAUSE WE CAN, DAMN IT!!

So, I'm calling out LC, Dustin, Pia, Max, and all the others who haven't committed to entering yet.  Lets claim all those spots!!

Who's with me???

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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LC
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 3:17am Report to Moderator
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I might put a couple of entries in - plenty of time to go yet. We'll see...

I think Alex made a few good points btw. It's about anticipating/predicting the sameness of a lot of entries, and making your idea stand out from the pack.

They cited an example with the 'Kisses' project and said they got a lot of entries with same common theme - confession/death bed, and something else... I can't remember exactly.

Imagine being a selector of scripts for this. No easy task, if you ask me, in terms of coming up with a satisfying (beginning, middle and end) narrative with some cohesiveness of plot, and all the entries complementing one another.  I suppose it's a matter of picking the best from each Act and hoping it'll all come together. And of course good writing and dialogue.

Did anyone see the Kisses film? And if so, was it successful/entertaining to watch? I might see if some of it is on Youtube. Just curious.


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Scar Tissue Films
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Libs,

I found the Kisses film to be unwatchable.

http://theimpact.create50.com/50-kisses

But you can see for yourself.
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DanC
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 4:58am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
Libs,

I found the Kisses film to be unwatchable.

http://theimpact.create50.com/50-kisses

But you can see for yourself.



Maybe I'm odd, but, I have watched about 20 min worth and I think it's interesting.  You have to watch it like it's 50 little stories, like a big twilight zone movie.  I'm watching each one as a what did they think of.  I might pull up a few to see how the screenplay was and how they chose to shoot it.

Anyone see the ABC's of death?  I have not seen it, but, it's like that.  Lots of little stories.  I think as writers and (some) as more (directors, producers, filmmakers, actors etc) this is interesting to see how they do this or that.

Or it could be the meds....

You decide...

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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LC
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 4:59am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
Libs,

I found the Kisses film to be unwatchable.

http://theimpact.create50.com/50-kisses

But you can see for yourself.

Thanks Rick, much appreciated!  


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DanC
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 5:12am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC

Thanks Rick, much appreciated!  



Like I said, I've seen about 20 min and it's not bad if u look at it as a lot of shorts.

Oh, speaking of shorts, I've rewritten all 5 of mine, I have them posted together in the "my work in progress section"

If anyone wants to give feedback, please do so.  Of course, I'll read some too.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Scar Tissue Films
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Quoted from DanC



Maybe I'm odd, but, I have watched about 20 min worth and I think it's interesting.  You have to watch it like it's 50 little stories, like a big twilight zone movie.  I'm watching each one as a what did they think of.  I might pull up a few to see how the screenplay was and how they chose to shoot it.

Anyone see the ABC's of death?  I have not seen it, but, it's like that.  Lots of little stories.  I think as writers and (some) as more (directors, producers, filmmakers, actors etc) this is interesting to see how they do this or that.

Or it could be the meds....

You decide...

Dan


I just couldn't maintain interest in it.

Even regardless of respective quality of pieces, watching a lot of stories on the same theme is hard work.

Divorced from the strong narrative drive of a story that's intended to last for 90 minutes, I had no inclination to continue watching.

Each to their own...although I did notice you only mamaged 20 minutes of it yourself.
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DanC
Posted: June 25th, 2015, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films


I just couldn't maintain interest in it.

Even regardless of respective quality of pieces, watching a lot of stories on the same theme is hard work.

Divorced from the strong narrative drive of a story that's intended to last for 90 minutes, I had no inclination to continue watching.

Each to their own...although I did notice you only mamaged 20 minutes of it yourself.




I just finished it.  I actually might look up a few of the screenplays to see how they wrote them up as opposed to how they were shot.  

There were a few really imaginative ones.  

Certainly, if you are expecting 1 cohesive story, you are sadly disappointed.  However, if you look at it like 50 little shorts, and look at each vision, then it isn't too bad.

In all honesty, and i don't know what it says about me, but, I thought a few were really good.  Some really stood out.  Some of the acting was good.

I was kinda annoyed.  2 were practically the same story, and I mean, unless they knew each other, I'm shocked that 2 people came up with the exact same idea.  It's barely over 1:11.  

Some had some ironic twists and some horror mixed in.  Very few were heartfelt, like I expected.  So, I'd say, for this new one, going oddball is the way to go.  Some were very dark.  The last one was quite dark.  

Also, some of the settings were pretty cool too.

As a movie, it's bad b/c there is no connection scene to scene.  As a series of shorts, it's not bad.


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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wonkavite
Posted: June 27th, 2015, 8:42pm Report to Moderator
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If anyone has time, I just uploaded my fourth (and damned well hopefully final) Impact script.  But I'm open for revisions.  So, please.  Shoot me some one-liners, if you so choose.  

The Last Laugh - The End of the World is no laughing matter. Or is it...?

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/21764930/The%20Last%20Laugh.pdf
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DanC
Posted: June 28th, 2015, 1:47am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from wonkavite
If anyone has time, I just uploaded my fourth (and damned well hopefully final) Impact script.  But I'm open for revisions.  So, please.  Shoot me some one-liners, if you so choose.  

The Last Laugh - The End of the World is no laughing matter. Or is it...?

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/21764930/The%20Last%20Laugh.pdf


Hi Janet
     I just read it, yeah, I'm fast.  Only thing I did on the site today was read your story.  I hope I feel better soon, like really soon.

Back to your story, it was cute, a little heart warming story.  And I think it stands out.  I think some of the jokes could be funnier, and it's too bad you can't do a rim shot drum effect.

I don't know if you should have the swearing.  I watched the 50 kisses, the entire movie, and didn't see any nudity and I think 1 swear word.  So, you might want to keep that in mind.  

Actually, if you watch the movie, 50 kisses,  the ones they took were all oddball stories.  Some were quite good.  Some of the deadpan humor was pretty funny.

I still remember a few of the skits from a few days ago, and that's saying something since each skit is 2 min on average.  The first one was about a woman who yells at her ex boyfriend for coming back into her life.  And we all know what that's like, messy breakup, moving on, boyfriend shows up, eats the neighbor,
wait, say what?
Yeah, her ex is a zombie.  Like I said, it was quite funny.  I didn't care for the end, but, that's me.

Back to your story, I think you need a great one liner to end it with.  Maybe have the asteroid hit them or something.  Instead of going for the killer joke or some other play on words.

I'm not really good at making up jokes.  I think they are funny, but, others tend to groan in a not good way.  So, I'm afraid I won't be much use to you.  

I also don't know if you realized, but, I have 5 shorts that I put in one location under the my works in progress.  The reason that I tell u is b/c I think you should do the same for your 3 (or is it 4) shorts.  Put them al in one spot instead of trying to hunt them down and get the reviews on each page.  I've found it easier to work on rewrites.

Good luck Janet.  This was okay, but, not funny enough, go and slay them!!  Well, you know what I mean, or do you?????????????

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: June 28th, 2015, 2:13am Report to Moderator
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The lovely thing about two pages is that they don't take long.

Janet

I liked the concept and the delivery is sound.

Like Dan says above, with time you can fine tune the gags. There's no rush to enter so take your time.

One thought i had is that they could stream his show live on the web.?? Not sure how you set that up, but it's possible.

This either gives him the option of playing to a larger audience, or you could have a final scene with a lonely person in their flat laughing through the pain of the situation. Just a thought.


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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wonkavite
Posted: June 28th, 2015, 9:15am Report to Moderator
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Hey Dan, Reef -

Thanks for the read, and the thoughts!  Really, I honestly intended only to put in two shorts.  But these 2 pagers are addictive.  I swear, this is the last one.  

It was also the hardest one to condense to 2 pages.  I originally had one of the other comics storming out the door early on, and then Donnie starting with some really lame observational jokes... but it extended the story far too long... and were incidental enough that they could be cut (though I think they were nice touches.)

This is one I'm not going to rush putting up a second draft for.  I'm aware that the jokes are cheesy (which, granted, is reasonable considering that Donnie's not a great comedian anyway.)  But sooner or later, someone on SS or over at Impact's going to come up with a great Zinger.  (Or maybe it'll strike me as inspiration in the shower, or something.)  And I want to hold out for that.  Oh - and Dan... rim shots would be awesome.  
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Angry Bear
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Quoted from wonkavite
I swear, this is the last one.  

You sure about that?  

I think every comedian will tell you that they can perform in front of a packed room and everyone will be laughing hard, but it's always that one guy that's not laughing that will get to them. IMHO, this piece would work better if everyone leaves the place in a hurry. Donnie gets up on stage anyway because this is what he's practiced and dreamed about. It's his turn and he's going to do his thing. Meteor or no meteor, but...the only audience he has is that one guy that won't laugh. That way, you don't have to try to write good jokes and I think it would also be a more emotional story because it would be really sad and horrible for Donnie.  


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Max
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Sup Wonks,

I wasn't really feeling this one, mainly because of the jokes, which can be hit and miss.  That's not to say that you can't write funny stuff, because as you know, I praised some of the wittiness in "The Box"

As for the story, I felt it, but can't help but think that it would work better as a drama/comedy maybe, ala "Funny People".

Mylar gave him an audience when nobody else would.  He allowed the kid to live out his dream on stage, because it was his last chance to do so.  That's what the story was about to me, and it would work on a level without the jokes IMO.

Personally, I would cut the last scene.  It would be more effective to FADE OUT with Donnie telling jokes and Mylar laughing at them.

That's my thoughts, take 'em or leave 'em, as always.

Peace!



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MarkRenshaw
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Iíve been away for a few days, just catching up.

Wonka! The Last Laugh Ė I liked it, the jokes were funny and the sentiment was true. This is a bit different from the norm and might stand out. The only slight suggestion Iíd make is to cut the bit where he witnesses the scenes of devastation in the street. The preamble for the competition said there wouldnít be much visual chaos to keep the budget down. I donít think itís needed anyway.

Reef Ė What Lurks Outside Ė A very interesting premise. Could someone get over their phobia if they knew everything was going to be destroyed? I donít know but you made me ponder the prospect, which is good.

Dan Ė What on Earth Ė I was pleasantly surprised. This is definitely your strongest entry (in my opinion of course). When I started to read it I thought it was completely bonkers but then the end changed it all around. I really like this one.

Glenn Ė All I Have Ė Wow, this one gave me goose bumps. It said so much in such a subtle way. Outstanding. I tip my virtual hat to you sir.

-Mark



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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IamGlenn
Posted: June 30th, 2015, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read and the kind words, Mark. Still thinking whether or not to enter.


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Max
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Quoted from IamGlenn
Thanks for the read and the kind words, Mark. Still thinking whether or not to enter.


I'll read your Impact script as well brother, can you re-link?


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IamGlenn
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Quoted from Max


I'll read your Impact script as well brother, can you re-link?


Sure, it's https://www.dropbox.com/s/0ooeob5uzljzimw/ALL%20I%20HAVE.pdf?dl=0

Cheers man.


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Max
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Quoted from IamGlenn


Wow, what a touching little short that was.  Anything with a dog in it is going to pull on my heartstrings, obviously, but it wasn't shoved down my throat here.

I personally would've shuffled the opening passage around a bit.


Quoted Text
On the sidewalk, on a single sheet of cardboard against the wall of an old building, sits FRANK (60s), dirty with along, shaggy grey beard and ROCKO, an old mongrel with a worn coat.


Frank (60), a dirty bum with a shaggy grey beard, sits on the sidewalk, atop a single sheet of cardboard.  ROCKO, an old mongrel with a worn coat, rests alongside.

I personally would've done it that way, but hey! The way you did it was equally acceptable.  I would've just introduced ROCKO in a separate sentence, and it would've been a seperate line if space wasn't so crucial with these Impact scripts.

Great work brother, very happy with what I've seen from you so far.

Keep it up.



Revision History (1 edits)
Max  -  June 30th, 2015, 6:58pm
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IamGlenn
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Quoted from Max


Wow, what a touching little short that was.  Anything with a dog in it is going to pull on my heartstrings, obviously, but it wasn't shoved down my throat here.

I personally would've shuffled the opening passage around a bit.



Frank (60), a dirty bum with a shaggy grey beard, sits on the sidewalk, atop a single sheet of cardboard.  ROCKO, an old mongrel with a worn coat, rests alongside.

I personally would've done it that way, but hey! The way you did it was equally acceptable.  I would've just introduced ROCKO in a separate sentence, and it would've been a seperate line if space wasn't so crucial with these Impact scripts.

Great work brother, very happy with what I've seen from you so far.

Keep it up.


Big thanks for taking the time to read and give your thoughts. You're being far too kind tonight

Getting all this into 2 pages was a tough job and I barely managed it. So, yeah that's my excuse for some of the crammed action lines.

Thanks for the kind words, appreciated.



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Max
Posted: June 30th, 2015, 7:10pm Report to Moderator
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Btw, I'm not saying that my version is better, just throwing a re-word out there.

I normally do it as an exercise anyway, to help me with my own writing.


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IamGlenn
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Yeah man, I get that. And that's no problem at all. Your line was just as good, maybe better. We all got different ways of saying the same things.

Cheers again


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LC
Posted: June 30th, 2015, 8:06pm Report to Moderator
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PM'd you a couple of comments, Glenn.

Yep we all write differently. Personally, I don't think you need the cardboard in there - think it makes that description line drag. And, as an add-on to my PM I think you should either leave out the dialogue of the TALL MAN, I don't think this character adds anything. Also, MAN, at the top of the script - I'd have him even a lil' more disparaging, and suggest FRANK desperately tries to grab for the money as it flies into the air - that's a good visual and says something about his state of mind too.


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Max
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Quoted from LC
PM'd you a couple of comments, Glenn.

Yep we all write differently. Personally, I don't think you need the cardboard in there - think it makes that description line drag. And, as an add-on to my PM I think you should either leave out the dialogue of the TALL MAN, I don't think this character adds anything. Also, MAN, at the top of the script - I'd have him even a lil' more disparaging, and suggest FRANK desperately tries to grab for the money as it flies into the air - that's a good visual and says something about his state of mind too.


Have you entered into this Libby? Just curious.  If not, stop being lazy!

I'm above this competition of course.  They'd have to pay me a fiver to enter.


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LC
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Quoted from Max
Have you entered into this Libby? Just curious.  If not, stop being lazy! I'm above this competition of course.  They'd have to pay me a fiver to enter.

Me, lazy?! I'll have you know Fen bruh, that I just knocked off cleaning the house to respond to your post.

As for Impact - I'm still undecided - couple of ideas buzzing around, so maybe...



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Max
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Quoted from LC

Me, lazy?! I'll have you know Fen bruh, that I just knocked off cleaning the house to respond to your post.

As for Impact - I'm still undecided - couple of ideas buzzing around, so maybe...



Cleaning is light work bruh, just whack the hoover on everything.  Simples.


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IamGlenn
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Quoted from LC
PM'd you a couple of comments, Glenn.

Yep we all write differently. Personally, I don't think you need the cardboard in there - think it makes that description line drag. And, as an add-on to my PM I think you should either leave out the dialogue of the TALL MAN, I don't think this character adds anything. Also, MAN, at the top of the script - I'd have him even a lil' more disparaging, and suggest FRANK desperately tries to grab for the money as it flies into the air - that's a good visual and says something about his state of mind too.


Thanks for taking a look Libby.
The TALL MAN was supposed to show how materialistic we are, even in a time of great tragedy. I liked that part but you're not the first to disagree so I dunno, maybe he gotta go. I did have Frank try grab the money but when it came down to cutting lines, I let it go. 2 pagers are tough going.
Cheers


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Max
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If anybody else has any more Impact scripts, I'll be happy to read them.

I'll try my best to look for typos, technical errors, format issues ect.

It always helps to have a second pairs of eyes if you're planning on entering a contest.


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MarkRenshaw
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2nd draft is done.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/683gut3pnztj7lm/Assemble%20Avenger.pdf?dl=0

Thanks to Antony for suggesting putting people on the beach at the end. Also thanks to Dustin and Eldave1 (and anyone else who mentioned it) who said cut the DJ.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/87m9rulof1bfdze/The%20Rainbow%20Bridge.pdf?dl=0

Thanks (again) to Eldave1 for suggesting I change it so the family know all about the meteor impact from the start.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
Posted: July 9th, 2015, 1:43am Report to Moderator
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Hey guys,

Again, not to sound like a broken record, but, I'm back and:

I hope as many of us enter at least 1 each so we can put SS on the map as THE premiere site to get better.  Imagine if a bunch of us get picked?  We all push the site.  Don gets donations and all is right in the world.

At least till that damned fracking asteroid wipes us out, stupid NORAD dropping the ball like that...

Dan

Mark, I will read them in a day or 2, need to rest now before my head explodes....


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Max
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
2nd draft is done.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/683gut3pnztj7lm/Assemble%20Avenger.pdf?dl=0

Thanks to Antony for suggesting putting people on the beach at the end. Also thanks to Dustin and Eldave1 (and anyone else who mentioned it) who said cut the DJ.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/87m9rulof1bfdze/The%20Rainbow%20Bridge.pdf?dl=0

Thanks (again) to Eldave1 for suggesting I change it so the family know all about the meteor impact from the start.


I really loved the first one Mark, because it had some really cool, EPIC visual moments.  That is the second superhero impact script I've read, Dan wrote the other.

A strong visual ending, with everybody rallying behind this makeshift superhero.

The second one, not as epic as the first, but it was more based in emotion.

Your writing was pretty clean my man, some sweet entries there.

Sweet.




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MarkRenshaw
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Quoted from Max


I really loved the first one Mark, because it had some really cool, EPIC visual moments.  That is the second superhero impact script I've read, Dan wrote the other.

A strong visual ending, with everybody rallying behind this makeshift superhero.

The second one, not as epic as the first, but it was more based in emotion.

Your writing was pretty clean my man, some sweet entries there.

Sweet.




Thanks Max!! Putting people on the beach was Antonywood's idea and I think it really works very well. I got great feedback in general from the SS crew which really helped.

Both entries are now up if anyone wants to rate them. I've rated and reviewed all the ones by SS forum members I know of, if I've missed any give me a nudge.

Assemble Avenger - http://theimpact.create50.com/scripts/55a11d833838334feb0000a4

The Rainbow Bridge - http://www.create50.com/scripts/55a11f713838334fee000098





For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: July 12th, 2015, 3:30pm Report to Moderator
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just giving this a bump as...

1] i could do with reading few folk - mark i saw you had posted and will try and review

2] i would like to enter so need to get thinking a bit more - the ideas so far have been fine, delivery is the issue

yes, this is flawed but for a fiver its worth a go


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
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It's worth noting they've extended the deadline on this as they've got some 'major' backers in the industry interested in promoting and distributing this once it is produced; so get writing and entering!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
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Hey all,

Theyíve scrapped the star rating system. You can still click the stars but they don't work.

Iíve just posted a third entry, if anyone fancies checking it out.

Title: ARMAGEDDON TOO Ė DEEPER IMPACT

Logline: This movie is missing something, it needs Bruce Willis! (I notice Iíve made a typo on the logline online, doh! Iíll fix that in the 2nd draft.

http://www.create50.com/scripts/55f56ef13838337e14000054

Thereís also another competition by the same company called the Twisted 50. This is short stories though, not scripts. Iíve dusted of my prose skills and had a go if anyone is interested.

Title: No TITLE

Logline: This is not a story. This is a battle for your soul.

http://www.create50.com/scripts/55eb19b23838331776000051

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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wonkavite
Posted: September 13th, 2015, 2:07pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, then... here's mine!  Dammit, I wish they weren't waiting until year end for any decisions!    Granted, I'm pretty happy with these.  Though I'd of course jump on any terrific tweak ideas (where possible.)  And these can always use another look!  ))

The Last Laugh: http://www.create50.com/scripts/558f3769383833292dbb0000

Fifty Shades of Impact: http://www.create50.com/scripts/5585e68f3838331c871f0000

Top of the World: http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e16453838337fc7020000

Caged: http://www.create50.com/scripts/557e159d3838337fc4070000
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AnthonyCawood
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Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkRenshaw
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Yup, they are announcing the finalists soon. If they follow the same routine as they recently did for Twisted, it won't be the final 50 but the first cut out of the 2000+ scripts they had. With Twisted they reduced it by about half, so out of 500 stories, 259 made it to the finals. The final 50 of Twisted is also due to be announced....soon. They said that a month ago lol.

Regarding the feedback, similar feedback was given for Twisted (from the same judge) and yet the final 259 had plenty of stories with elements the judges seemed to be advising people to avoid. So if your scripts is one of the 'Zeitgeist stories' I wouldn't get too worried.  

All I know is with so many scripts and 52 slots available (there's 2 wildcards apparently) it's going to be a throw of the dice.  Good luck to all that entered. I hope to see some SS writers in the final 50!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
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They're about to launch a new competition too, called The Singularity... Believe it will be another like the Impact with 2 minute scripts...

I'm keen to see the next round of The Impact as I intend to re-purpose on of my shorts and submit it elsewhere should it not progress... Fingers crossed of course.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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wonkavite
Posted: February 24th, 2016, 12:55pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Anthony -

Nifty!  And from what I understand (should a script not progress - which of course we hope they will), they can be used as long as it's not under the title "Impact"?  )  After all, the concept of a meteor hitting Earth is certainly not unique.  And a good story IS a good story..?

Cheers,

--Janet (W)
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DanC
Posted: February 24th, 2016, 2:36pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah, my 2 entries weren't listed in the "we've seen too many of these" either.  It was funny, a few of the ideas that I had at the beginning WERE in those ideas.  Thanks SS for having me move on from them.

Not saying that my ideas wouldn't have been good, but, I don't want to fight the 75 other scripts of the exact same idea.  

I submitted 2 stories:  The one about the asteroid being alive and the superhero one.  

Perhaps we can get a list of all the SS peeps who submitted something.

Are you guys excited for the Singularity?  I admit, I'm kinda baffled a bit on it.  I guess I need to read a story or 2 to get the idea for what they want.

Good luck to all.  I'm hopeful that SS put on a great showing for this event!!

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
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One of the judges let slip in blog comments that he was put off by a Ďsmugí profile picture and tempted to click no straight away. This also revealed that some of the judges have entries in Impact and Twisted and people are very surprised that the judging isnít being done on completely anonymised scripts and stories. Itís hard to imagine thereís any impartiality under such circumstances.

Iíve got 3 scripts in the mix but Iím not giving myself any false hopes. Although my scripts were not guilty of any of the points raised in the blog, the same judge made similar comments in a blog about Twisted 50. My stories again did not fall foul of the points raised but I still didnít make it to the finals.  

Not giving up though. Iíve an entry in for Twisted Vol 2 and Iím planning more for Singularity.

As for Singularity itís not a script writing competition. It is going to be a  book of short stories based around a timeline of events leading up to a ĎSingularityí occurring in 2066.  I already have one story written (an old one which fits perfectly that Iím updating). I also have a short sci-fi script which also seems to fit perfectly so Iím going to attempt to do something Iíve not done before Ė adapt my screenplay and turn it into a short story; which should be a great exercise for me.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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MarkRenshaw
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Just one more thing about the Create50 initiative in case you are thinking of entering any of their competitions. They will never remove your story or script from the website, even if you do not make it to the finals. They have confirmed this is simply not going to happen, although you will of course retain copywrite.

Just bear this in mind as it makes it impossible to sign any exclusive options or to enter any other competition that specifies the script/story should not be published anywhere else.

I expect some people may object legally to this notion but time will tell, it always does.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Dustin
Posted: February 26th, 2016, 4:00am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Just one more thing about the Create50 initiative in case you are thinking of entering any of their competitions. They will never remove your story or script from the website, even if you do not make it to the finals. They have confirmed this is simply not going to happen, although you will of course retain copywrite.

Just bear this in mind as it makes it impossible to sign any exclusive options or to enter any other competition that specifies the script/story should not be published anywhere else.

I expect some people may object legally to this notion but time will tell, it always does.


They're a bunch of greedy wankers. They don't care about any end result, they just want the cash from the build-up. The film will end up shit. They've found a good business model... a twist in the usual way we are suckered, but they're just more of the same old shit designed to make money from the hopes and dreams of writers. Fuck 'em.


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DanC
Posted: February 26th, 2016, 9:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Just one more thing about the Create50 initiative in case you are thinking of entering any of their competitions. They will never remove your story or script from the website, even if you do not make it to the finals. They have confirmed this is simply not going to happen, although you will of course retain copywrite.

Just bear this in mind as it makes it impossible to sign any exclusive options or to enter any other competition that specifies the script/story should not be published anywhere else.

I expect some people may object legally to this notion but time will tell, it always does.


I haven't submitted a story, but, as far as the 2 entries that I sent in, they are so specific that I doubt that I could, or would, create a story from that.  It is slightly troubling and now, I might not want to submit a story b/c that could be changed into a screenplay.  I don't know if your stories in a different medium (novel vs screenplay) would violate any inclusive contest views.  I'd imagine that'd be a question for a lawyer.

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 26th, 2016, 9:49am Report to Moderator
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My understanding is that if your story or script don't progress then the copyright is yours... so no one should be able to use your story or script, BUT they could I guess copy it and write their own version... as they could with any script you submit on here.

In terms of Impact 50 and announcements... this just pinged into my inbox...


The Impact 50 Finalists will be announced on March 1st at 11am UK time. They will be announced on the Create50 blog.

The finalists are NOT the final 50, but they are the scripts that the judges and readers placed at the top of the pile.

We hope to follow up with the final 50 by the end of March (ish).


(There was some other gumpf, but that's the gist of it)


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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DanC
Posted: February 26th, 2016, 10:14am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
My understanding is that if your story or script don't progress then the copyright is yours... so no one should be able to use your story or script, BUT they could I guess copy it and write their own version... as they could with any script you submit on here.

In terms of Impact 50 and announcements... this just pinged into my inbox...


The Impact 50 Finalists will be announced on March 1st at 11am UK time. They will be announced on the Create50 blog.

The finalists are NOT the final 50, but they are the scripts that the judges and readers placed at the top of the pile.

We hope to follow up with the final 50 by the end of March (ish).


(There was some other gumpf, but that's the gist of it)



Yep, I saw the same thing.  It asked me to join Thunderclap, which I did.  

Hey, what time is 11am for the states?  I'm on the East coast...

Thanks

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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IamGlenn
Posted: February 26th, 2016, 6:43pm Report to Moderator
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Never submitted the one I wrote for this. Forgot all about it to be honest.

Best of luck to those who have entered.


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Dustin
Posted: February 27th, 2016, 4:50am Report to Moderator
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I unsubscribed from their emails. Good thing too, as they're now spamming for affiliates. So now, whoever owns Thunderclap wants access to our daily lives too. Why? Why can't they just inform people through the multitude of spammy emails they send? Why the necessity of adding a third party nobody actually needs?

Jump on the bandwagon... £5 per seat. Toot-bloody-toot.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: February 27th, 2016, 5:35am Report to Moderator
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where's my simply scripts thong?

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when this first came out i thought, yeah this is cool. not too expensive, interesting chance.

it just seems to have morphed into something else and i m glad not to be a part

best of luck to those who are having a go


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 6:13am Report to Moderator
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The finalists have been announced:

http://theimpact.create50.com/blogs/Congratulations-to-the-finalists-for-The-Impact-50-2

One of mine is in there and I'm pleased to see Anthony has one in as well. Any other SS'ers make the list?

I did get excited until I noticed there's 577 'finalists' and there's only 50 slots available. Still, it's good to make it this far.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 6:50am Report to Moderator
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Thanks Mark... Forgot to check!

Congrats on yours... So guess we're semi-finalists then

Janet looks like she has a couple on the list too.

Congrats to any and all progressing.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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wonkavite
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 8:42am Report to Moderator
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Hey Mark and Anthony -

Congrats on the placings!  Yep, looks like two of mine made it, as well: The Last Laugh and Caged.

Tons of thanks to Wes for clueing me in - I had a reminder in the calendar to look, but really didn't know where to do that...  

This is gonna be fun.  When will this be culled down to 50?
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 8:53am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from wonkavite
Hey Mark and Anthony -

Congrats on the placings!  Yep, looks like two of mine made it, as well: The Last Laugh and Caged.

Tons of thanks to Wes for clueing me in - I had a reminder in the calendar to look, but really didn't know where to do that...  

This is gonna be fun.  When will this be culled down to 50?


Congratulations Janet, I remember those 2 and I'm glad they got through.

They posted something the other day to say the final 50 (plus 2 wildcard entries) will be announced at the end of March(ish). So that's April/May then lol!



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 11:25am Report to Moderator
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Congrats guys.  I wasn't as lucky.  I'm really surprised that the child one "what on Earth Too" didn't make the cut...

Enjoy this...

I saw a lot of the same names.  Some people must have submitted like 10 entries.  That's kinda annoying...

I'm bummed out right now...

I'll be back....

Dan


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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Dustin
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 12:11pm Report to Moderator
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You already know how I feel about this comp but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy for you guys, well done. Hopefully it's not just a bunch of bullshit (I've been wrong before) and this really turns out well for any SS members involved in the project.

Congrats.


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stevemiles
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 1:59pm Report to Moderator
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I snuck one in there.  Nice to see some movement with this, pretty sure this comp will have been running close to a year by the time the final finalists are revealed.  Then there's the production itself...

Good to see some familiar names on the list.  Best of luck to all for the final 50 (or is that 52?)


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 2:44pm Report to Moderator
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Well done Steve... and yes think it's the final 52 as there's two wild cards... now just waiting to hear on the Scriptshadow250 !


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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stevemiles
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 3:01pm Report to Moderator
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Cheers, Anthony.  I'm still not sure how they plan to get all 52 filmed -- sure it's on the website somewhere.

Yeah, I'll be interested to see the final Scriptshadow 25 -- no horse in the race for me but it'll be good to see if anyone from the boards here made it.  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 3:11pm Report to Moderator
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All the best to those who got through - mark, Janet, Steve, Anthony...and a few old movie poet names in there as well, I think.


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 1st, 2016, 3:15pm Report to Moderator
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My understanding is they get down to the 52 and then it's over to the film-makers to select scripts and go off and film them... then they're edited together at the end... I think!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 4th, 2016, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Mark... I think they've added one of yours back into the finalists !


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: March 6th, 2016, 3:39pm Report to Moderator
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YES! They've added a few extra scripts after reviewing the scores and the Rainbow Bridge made it in!

I'm chuffed of course, I just don't understand why Assemble Avenger didn't get in. Not only do I consider it my strongest script and a very original story in the contest, but it was my highest scoring script when reviewed by other writers. The two that have made it in are brilliant of course (lol) but of a very similar theme to a lot of other scripts.

But 2 out of 3 is great, nice to be in the finals!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 6th, 2016, 4:23pm Report to Moderator
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Odd on all counts... BUT two out of three in is great... now two chance to make the final 52!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 8:00am Report to Moderator
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The final 50 have been announced!

http://www.create50.com/blogs/Congratulations-to-the-WINNERS-of-The-Impact-50

Only there's more than 50! I didn't make the initial 50 but one of mine did make it into the Second Chance pile. I'm not sure what that means, maybe it's just an honourable mention but it's nice to get this far in something that had over 2000 entries.

I didn't see any names I recognised from these boards but I could be wrong as I'm terrible with most of your 'real names'. Let us know if you made it through!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 9:19am Report to Moderator
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Well done Mark, not sure what the Second Chance pile is but I figured it meant a film maker could take a punt on your script if they liked it. Fingers crossed they do mate.

Mine didn't progress, but c'est la vie...

And I'm not calling conspiracy or anything... But at least two of the judges have 'won' as well...

I'm going to expand mine slightly and put it up on here/Inktip etc.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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eldave1
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 9:30am Report to Moderator
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Well done, Squire


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Dustin
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 9:45am Report to Moderator
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Well done, mate. Sounds like you were up against greater odds than necessary, so extra merit for that. I wonder how many spaces were reserved for the judges own scripts?


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 10:06am Report to Moderator
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Thanks guys. The judges being in the competition has caused quite a stir as you can imagine. From what I've seen, their material is really good and worthy, it just causes all sorts of doubts about impartiality and can erode confidence in the process no matter how honourable their intentions are.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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DanC
Posted: May 17th, 2016, 12:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Thanks guys. The judges being in the competition has caused quite a stir as you can imagine. From what I've seen, their material is really good and worthy, it just causes all sorts of doubts about impartiality and can erode confidence in the process no matter how honourable their intentions are.


Great job Mark.  If anyone deserves a break, it's you!!

I've kinda soured on the whole create 50 thing.  It isn't spilled milk either.  I have real issues with how the process was done.  How can you be a judge and get stuff submitted?  That isn't a conflict of interest?  

Then, only 2 people read each story, and how many judges were there?  Look at this site, very rarely is a story universally loved.  Each of us should read the story and we get a consensus as to what was the best.  I know for my 2 entries, only 2 people read them.  That's crap.  Same for all of you that submitted.  Total crap.

And a lot of those people who did make it through submitted lots of times.  

I don't know, it seemed fishy.  Dustin was right.  I don't think I will ever enter again.  

Oh, and then lets not forget the bartering that happens.  Totally wrong.  

First off, the names shouldn't appear.  Secondly, each judge should only submit a list of scores for story, technique etc.  And either get a cumulative score or drop the highest and lowest scores.  

I just dropped my issue with Chris b/c there are judges that are well known in Hollywood and who knows, one day, I might need them....

But, yeah, I was quite turned off by the process.  


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 26th, 2016, 2:36am Report to Moderator
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They've posted the details about the filming phase. If you want to produce a script you have to pick one of the top 50. If you have then want to film a second script, you can pick any of the 50 (of course) or you can pick ANY other script and enter it as a wildcard entry. Two wildcard entries will be included in the final feature film.

They've said they will be promoting the Second Chance scripts as the first choice for any wildcard entries but it just feels to me the chances of my script being produced are slim and the Second Chance award is simply a runners up thing.

I was considering producing it myself but I'd have to produce one of the 50 first and then mine and I don't have the resources to do that.

But - If any of you fancy having a go at producing a two minute film which might end up as part of a feature, have a glance through the top fifty and see if any take your fancy - http://www.create50.com/blogs/Congratulations-to-the-WINNERS-of-The-Impact-50


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Dustin
Posted: May 26th, 2016, 2:42am Report to Moderator
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It's a load of bullshit, mate. Even if it gets put into the feature, so what? It's still just a standalone short. The Impact organisers will be taking the full credit, so filmmakers should steer well clear of this, IMO.


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