Okay, gave this a read.
The good stuff:
The writing is generally excellent - everything crisp and clean and it was a real quick read.
The dialogue is really solid and witty in several places.
The general hook is a good one - a gay writer ends up on the writing staff for the female actress that stole his boyfriend - nice.
STUFF THAT NEEDS WORK.
The character descriptions at intro are really thin - almost meaningless.
CHARLIE (26), young and confident, hams it up as Macbeth. He directs a soliloquy to the AUDIENCE
Pretty thin description for one of your main characters – and young is redundant – we already know his age. So all you gave us was an unfilmable - confident.
ISHMAEL (25), handsome but awkward-seeming, watches Charlie, prideful, and hanging on his every word. He smiles.
I'm not even sure what awkward-seeming means. Also confused to who smiles here – He is ??
Anyway - some physical description here would go a long way.
Ishmael nods. Charlie walks off to the corner of the room, greeting PATIENCE (21), beautiful and young, inaudibly.
Again - we know she is young - so all we have is beautiful.
You make several references to the big age gap between Patience and Charlie - I didn't quite get that - it's only five years.
The first half of the scene with the Uber Driver (bottom of page 2) can go IMO – it adds nothing.
I got totally lost here:
Okay, so, Patience, it's just as we
blocked okay? Nothing you're not
Okay, so --
Yeah, you're eating his ass. And
it's a very important scene. And
it's equally important you don't
actually eat Jeremy's ass.
Yeah, that wasn't my plan. So how
Were they shooting a porn??
The largest issue is that it is not yet a complete story, IMO. It reads like it is through episode four of a twelve part series. There are so many plot points left unresolved - the baby, what happens to Patience, etc.
Going back to my "good premise statement" at the end what you have is:
A gay writer ends up on the writing staff for the female actress that stole his boyfriend - then
they get back together. That's just a real MEH.
No real character arc there. Ishmael should be growing, learning - having some change as a result of this journey - instead - everyone is just back at where they started.
Anyway - I really dig your writing - a lot of talent here - it's just that the story strikes me as incomplete.