Kiss of the Locust - Reviewed by Mark J. Derbas


Just got done reading your script. First of all, I should start by saying I think you did a great job with your formatting. You certainly have a feel for the standard screenplay format. It looked real good – lines were never too long or too short. Good job.

As for the story, well it’s your typical zombie flick made for a modern audience (hence the comedic parodies of the “classics”). The story flowed pretty well, for the most part, and didn’t stay in one area too long. We have a group of med. students interning with a doctor who is studying a new breed of insect. Before long the Doc is bitten by one of the creatures, becomes a zombie, thus begins the killing spree. Of course the rest of the town has been infected as well. I liked that you set the story in the woods – A good backdrop. My personal favorite parts of the story begin with the third act – when the kids end up in the cabin and have to get to the old pick up truck. Horror at its best.

The problems I did have with the story were as follows –
First, the bug-thing seemed way too underdeveloped. There’s so much more you could’ve done with this concept. Yeah, they plus the toxic waste, are the cause of the zombies, but there could’ve been more said about them. Where they’re from? How the got here? Etc…

Another problem I had was with the kids. They seemed too interchangeable; not enough differences between their characteristics. Overall, they needed more development.

Finally, I’m a huge fan of the “classic” horror movies and feel that they work best when you put the main focus of the story on the scares. Too much humor ends up watering-down the scares. If you’re going for the Cabin Fever, Shaun of the Dead, etc. approach, then the jokes are fine, but if you want the audience to be squirming in their seats then lay off the antics. Just an observation.

THANKS

Thanks for the read, Mark.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story for the most part. I do agree that it has several issues. The biggest one is definitely the characters. When I wrote the script, I didn't really care about the characters as I intended the script to be a cheesy 80s style horror movie ala the work of the directors the characters are named after. Looking back on the script after a while, I tried to develop the characters but was reluctant to develop them too much. The characters could so easily become stereotypes (Dr. Romero is a stereotype but a good one)and then the script would go from being self-aware to just trite. I have some serious work to do in regards to the characters. After I decide what I want to do with them, I'm going to do some major rewriting of the first act.

I do now intend for the script to be more funny than scary. Looking back on the script, the idea of bugs turning people into zombies than puke on people is silly and the scene of disecting zombie movies has a lot of potential. I think the script would be at its best if I took it in a more 'splatstick' direction. This is kind of supposed to be a "fun" horror movie anyway. The rest of my scripts are much darker, nastier, and straightforward.

Anyway, thanks again for the read. I really feel I have a lot of work to do on this one but first, I have to decide how to go about it.

I liked this script, James. It was a different zombie flick. I liked the characters of Sam and George. I didn't really know what to think of the Dr. Romero thing at first, but then I found it very funny. Great script.

Just finished reading this and as i read it over a few days while at work i cant remember most of my questions.  One however i do remember was 'why did they bury Dr. Romero'?  Surely they cant have expected no-one to find out and is it wasn't their fault i just didn't get that bit, i don't know maybe i missed something.
Anyway good screenplay, i liked.