I din't understand this and had to stop reading but I really tried.

>Charlie and Michelle - 20's 30's, what's the difference really for this.

>I got a kick out of slam the door open. Anyone can slam the door shut, but it takes a real hero to slam it open.  

The problem with this, I reckon, is the problem many of us have. What's as clear as day to us, is not to the reader. I just got out of a really damn hot car, thinking I've exited Hell and also after reading A DEATHLY SHADE OF BLUE, so forgive me if I can't cipher it all out.

It felt like a lot of banter, an anonymous danger, and nothing to ground into the action with all the talking heads.

Here:
We stand upon the precipice of a
new adventure. As long as we stay
together, we will overcome this...

What?

Nevertheless, I liked the picture drawn of the empty gymnasium, the scraping sound of chairs. I really really saw and felt that image so good on you for that.

It's just I had no context. Nadia kept talking about somehow she let people down. For me, it sounded way too dramatic, but unreal in a silly sense.

The main point that needs to be addressed is clearly identifying "to the reader", what Nadia and Jake's problem is.

Sandra

So, now that it is revealed that this is mine, I'll explain a little here. First of all, shorts have always been a weak point of mine. I can never think small enough. I wrote this in a couple of hours with zero planning while I was procrastinating from a novel. I just started writing and let it flow.

If you read my "review," I actually explain a lot of it in there. Is it 2017? Yes. No one said the 2017 could not be a fictional one.

Are there only four characters? There are four ACTORS. Literally everything else is sound effects.

The idea stemmed from "stranger in a strange land" and the idea that who doesn't belong where is a point of view. If your land is invaded, the invaders don't belong. Once they have a foothold, maybe you don't belong. It was a massive psychological stretch.

The backstory I attempted to convey was that the land was invaded at some point, and this Nadia person led a revolt against the invaders in which most everyone she took in died. She left that revolt and came back to this school setting where she briefly relived the speech she gave that got everyone going. Being known for this revolt, others tried to "recruit" her to rally another, but it was too late. So they decided to go out as a martyr instead.

Why didn't they use cell phones for the video? I thought of that, but you have to put yourself in the situation. In order for a cell phone to function, it requires some kind of service. A cell service requires an account and access to cell towers. It is unlikely either she or any of her posse would still have this. Alternatively, a smart phone would need access to a wifi signal. To suggest that the school wifi would be active and accessible was also a stretch. So I went with a camera used in the broadcast class that was capable of sending a live video via YouTube. I figured it was the most plausible. All they needed to do was change the login credentials.

Is it talky? Yes. Is that problematic? Sure. But I opted for that route since I couldn't show much of what went on before. It's a method used primary in stage plays to fill out off stage stuff with spending the money for flashbacks and special effects.

Was it perfect? By no means. I figure it wasn't bad, but it isn't much of a short. As I said, shorts are a weakness of mine, and perhaps I'll eventually get them right. Thanks for reading or attempting to read, though. There are a lot of lines to read between, and I get that it wasn't altogether easy to do so.