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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Who Wants to Be a Princess? - Logline review Moderators: LC
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  Author    Who Wants to Be a Princess? - Logline review  (currently 585 views)
LC
Posted: September 18th, 2019, 6:59pm Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Quoted from FrankM
Wow, loglines are painful. Really appreciate the help on this.
Here is what I came up with:

A farmer who cannot remember her past want to change the kingdom's future, so she enters the prince's contest to find a bride.
Still needs work, but getting closer I think.


All due respect, Frank, but 'a farmer'?
What demographic are you aiming this at, The Iowa Grower's Society?

Seriously though, what age group is your film script predominantly aimed at?


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FrankM
Posted: September 18th, 2019, 9:16pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC


All due respect, Frank, but 'a farmer'?
What demographic are you aiming this at, The Iowa Grower's Society?

Seriously though, what age group is your film script predominantly aimed at?


Peasant? I just thought that "farmgirl" wasn't PC enough

This is intended as an animated family film, something that kids can watch and their parents won't get bored. The main female characters are in their late teens with the prince a few years older, but it's supposed to appeal to younger audiences.

I've seen some animated films mess up their targeting (Anastasia and The Swan Princess come to mind). There will be a prominent romance arc, some political commentary, and then a small handful of goofy characters to keep kids entertained. Ends up not working for anyone. Disney, Illumination, Dreamworks, etc. do a better job of sticking to a single theme with a lot of moving parts, then even if younger viewers miss the nuance they're still following the same basic story as their parents.

I'm shooting for a theme with a lot of moving parts, though that's probably going to take another round (or five) of revisions.


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Kevin_S
Posted: September 19th, 2019, 11:36am Report to Moderator
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Mr Frank,

With 99 percent of what khamanna wrote and 1 percent of what I wrote.  Maybe this
will help?  

A girl lost to her royal family and raised by farmers, enters a contest for a chance to be betrothed by a revered prince, only to learn her unknown past could cost her everything.

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Kevin_S  -  September 20th, 2019, 3:05am
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Kevin_S
Posted: September 22nd, 2019, 5:26pm Report to Moderator
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What about this one.

A commoner with an unknown royal past uses a prince's to find a bride contest as a ruse to gain attention for her village only to have her plans thwarted by love and rumors.

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FrankM
Posted: September 22nd, 2019, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Kevin. I think we're collectively homing in on something useable.


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Kevin_S
Posted: September 22nd, 2019, 10:08pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from FrankM
Thanks Kevin. I think we're collectively homing in on something useable.


You're welcome! Happy to help.
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