You should combine your own research with advice on this forum - When people can tell that you are not trying to help yourself, they will be less inclined to help you.
Google "how to write a logline" - There is a lot of information out there to help you. Once you have a basic idea of what a logline is and how to write one, drop it in here for opinions and suggestions.
The main point of the logline is to pique interest, make it interesting so whoever is reading it has
to open the script to find out more.
To start you off, include these three elements;
- Antagonistic force
- Stakes/goal (I have combined these two as they naturally go together "Must do this, or this will happen")
(NOTE: I haven't read your script, so my logline examples are for a non-existing story)
"Seven teenagers battle an ancient creature in order to save the world"
Now we have our bare-bones logline, we can expand on it - First, we can squeeze in the inciting incident...
"After a failed drugs trial unexpectedly gives seven teenagers mystical powers, they must battle an ancient creature in order to save the world"
Now we can flesh out the protag and antag a little...
"After a failed drugs trial unexpectedly gives seven migrant teenagers mystical powers, they are forced to stop an ancient creature from enacting revenge on the world that enslaved him"
Now we are cookin' - But what is the protag's goal? To save the world? Yawn
... Let's expand...
"After a failed drugs trial unexpectedly gives seven migrant teenagers mystical powers, they are forced to stop an ancient creature from enacting revenge on the world that enslaved him, or face deportation back to the war-torn country whence they came"
And we arrive at our final logline ready to be scrutinized by those who are far superior at writing them.
It contains the protag, antag, inciting incident, goal/stakes but most importantly of all... conflict
. I didn't put conflict as an element because it's a given, movies are all about conflict and so should your logline be.
I do not consider myself to be good at loglines, and my above example is most likely bulls**t - But the message is, that it is a process, not an afterthought.
The logline is probably the first thing a potential reader is going to read - if you have put in zero effort, or obviously haven't researched how to write a logline, the reader will assume that the same applies to the script and won't bother reading it.... just a thought.
I realize I started this post by stating people will probably not help you, and then I helped you.
But this post is more for those other newbies browsing the site for tips - I am also fully aware you will probably not take this in and post more half-assed loglines for review... So I'm gonna go now.