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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  The Invaders - Logline Review Request Moderators: LC
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  Author    The Invaders - Logline Review Request  (currently 115 views)
Skip
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 6:30pm Report to Moderator
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I had a script that I submitted on Simplyscripts. Here's the logline: Seven teenagers gain superpowers after having an freak accident.
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Zack
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 8:07pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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A little vague. What kind of accident? What's the dilema?


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eldave1
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 8:24pm Report to Moderator
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Not enough info


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Skip
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 8:52pm Report to Moderator
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They were struck by lightning.
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LC
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Script link to The Invaders is here:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1506775216/

Skip, the first thing I think you should do before mulling over any changes to a logline is cut the thirteen blank pages of your script then resubmit it to Don. The script is more like 30 pages than the 43 listed. You want to put your best foot forward when posting a script and tons of blanks is not a good look.


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: September 11th, 2019, 4:00am Report to Moderator
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You should combine your own research with advice on this forum - When people can tell that you are not trying to help yourself, they will be less inclined to help you.

Google "how to write a logline" - There is a lot of information out there to help you. Once you have a basic idea of what a logline is and how to write one, drop it in here for opinions and suggestions.

The main point of the logline is to pique interest, make it interesting so whoever is reading it has to open the script to find out more.

To start you off, include these three elements;
- protagonist
- Antagonistic force
- Stakes/goal (I have combined these two as they naturally go together "Must do this, or this will happen")

(NOTE: I haven't read your script, so my logline examples are for a non-existing story)


Quoted Text
"Seven teenagers battle an ancient creature in order to save the world"


Now we have our bare-bones logline, we can expand on it - First, we can squeeze in the inciting incident...


Quoted Text
"After a failed drugs trial unexpectedly gives seven teenagers mystical powers, they must battle an ancient creature in order to save the world"


Now we can flesh out the protag and antag a little...


Quoted Text
"After a failed drugs trial unexpectedly gives seven migrant teenagers mystical powers, they are forced to stop an ancient creature from enacting revenge on the world that enslaved him"


Now we are cookin' - But what is the protag's goal? To save the world? Yawn... Let's expand...


Quoted Text
"After a failed drugs trial unexpectedly gives seven migrant teenagers mystical powers, they are forced to stop an ancient creature from enacting revenge on the world that enslaved him, or face deportation back to the war-torn country whence they came"


And we arrive at our final logline ready to be scrutinized by those who are far superior at writing them.

It contains the protag, antag, inciting incident, goal/stakes but most importantly of all... conflict. I didn't put conflict as an element because it's a given, movies are all about conflict and so should your logline be.

I do not consider myself to be good at loglines, and my above example is most likely bulls**t - But the message is, that it is a process, not an afterthought.
The logline is probably the first thing a potential reader is going to read - if you have put in zero effort, or obviously haven't researched how to write a logline, the reader will assume that the same applies to the script and won't bother reading it.... just a thought.

I realize I started this post by stating people will probably not help you, and then I helped you.

But this post is more for those other newbies browsing the site for tips - I am also fully aware you will probably not take this in and post more half-assed loglines for review... So I'm gonna go now.



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LC
Posted: September 11th, 2019, 4:19am Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Well, I hope Tony will take your advice.

That's mighty nice of you, Matt. You've gone above and beyond.


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khamanna
Posted: September 11th, 2019, 6:04am Report to Moderator
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Ditto on a great log line post from Matthew. I hope Skip is on board with how helpful this is and if not... we’ll, it’s helpful to me so Matthew did good either way
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