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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Dominant reality/Mikayla - Logline review Moderators: LC
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  Author    Dominant reality/Mikayla - Logline review  (currently 206 views)
Gerasimos
Posted: September 17th, 2019, 5:11pm Report to Moderator
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For those with the twisted minds...

No matter how strange/weird/unconventional/whatever my script's concept is... I need some help with the logline. I can't find a single word to start with...

1. This is a psychological/sports theme with lots of scientific elements on multiverse theory.
2. Main characters, two females, Mikayla and Helen. Mikayla's dream is to be a soccer star, Helen's to be a leading scientist in Cern/win the nobel prize in physics.
3. Now, the tricky part. The whole thing takes place in 6 parallel realities. Long story short, in reality #1 helen is a university professor in physics and helen is her student who plays soccer as a hobby, in reality #2 helen is a shrink who treats mikayla's attitude issues (her college team forces her to deal with her aggressive/narcissistic/egoistic/etc character), #3 helen is a soccer agent who's after mikayla... etc...
It's evident that Mikayla is always a soccer player who trains harder than anyone else, but most of the times injuries (some reals some not/yes one reality takes place in a dream) get in her way to going pro, Helen is a scientist but not a nobel prize winner nor a cern leading scientist.
4. At first, all these distinct realities are pretty clear to comprehend, but after a while they start mixing with each other... although always clear enough to see who is after what.
5. As time goes by, some realities stop developing, some assimilate others, until just one remains at the end, the dominant one. Mikayla goes pro/dream come true, Helen doesn't.

If this looks unclear, well, can't clarify it any more... Doesn't make sense? Too f@cked up? Well, I don't mind, I like it.

I can go the coherence's logline path.. "strange things happen when the dreams of two girls' lives .." but I don't like it. At all.
MR nobody' logline.. "Mikayla dreams of being a soccer star, Helen the nobel prize winner. Endless possibilities arise from their means to achieve these dreams in the multiverse they exist.." I hate it.

Any other thoughts?
I want this to look like something along the lines: when the dreams of two girls... Conflict/only one of the two can happen/contradict/etc... Then the universe will decide what will happen. I just cannot get a working line with these 3 parts..
Ty in advance!


Features:
KTT Part ONE - The Polar Cabal
ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
ARAGORN - A LORD OF THE RINGS STORY
A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
LC  -  September 17th, 2019, 8:45pm
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eldave1
Posted: September 17th, 2019, 8:25pm Report to Moderator
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Yes - you have a huge challenge with this logline. Start with something simple - revise - rinse and repeat. Here's a start.

Helen wants to win the Nobel Prize in physics.  Mikayla wants to be soccer star. Their paths continuously cross in a series of parallel universes as they pursue these goals. One will win. One must lose.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

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Matthew Taylor
Posted: September 18th, 2019, 4:05am Report to Moderator
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What's the theme of the script? From the sounds of it, it's  "Destiny is already determined and there is nothing you can do about it, the universe decides"

So the two characters don't influence the outcome at all, the "universe" does what it does in putting the dominant reality first.... that right? Also, are any of the characters versions aware of the other realities?

Do you also have an inciting incident.... as in, does something happen to split reality into 6? which the universe corrects back into one? or has there always been this many?

Hard to fathom a complicated logline without the whole picture lol


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Gerasimos
Posted: September 18th, 2019, 2:58pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Matthew Taylor
What's the theme of the script? From the sounds of it, it's  "Destiny is already determined and there is nothing you can do about it, the universe decides"

So the two characters don't influence the outcome at all, the "universe" does what it does in putting the dominant reality first.... that right? Also, are any of the characters versions aware of the other realities?

Do you also have an inciting incident.... as in, does something happen to split reality into 6? which the universe corrects back into one? or has there always been this many?

Hard to fathom a complicated logline without the whole picture lol


theme: the one who wants it more, will achieve her dream at the end, and the other one will not. So destiny plays no part in this.

Helen no matter how successful scientist she is in every single parallel reality, she has always a different attitude/behavior/way in going after what she wants, plus she doesn't care about the other people's needs, nor she pays attention to the consequences of her actions. This is why her realities fail, one by one.

Mikayla on the other hand, cares about the others, plus she pays attention to the 'signs'. She constantly adapts to the reality she's in, in order to achieve her target.

No, none of the characters are aware of the parallel realities. It's just another day at the office for them, every single one of them.

There are actually 3 minor inciting incidents and 1 major, each one forces one reality to assimilate the other. So it's 6 at the beginning, then 4, then 2, and at the end, just 1.

No matter how 'simplified' it sounds to me, Eldave got it right, but I need this done in just two phrases.  
"Helen wants to win the Nobel Prize in physics.  Mikayla wants to be soccer star. Their paths continuously cross in a series of parallel universes as they pursue these goals. One will win. One must lose. "

So it should look like this.
1st phrase must include: Two girls' dreams/goals+their paths cross in every version of themselves/within any of the parallel realities.
2nd phrase: One will win, one must lose like Eldave said, is something I really like.

edit** a different approach regarding the first liner.
In a world of parallel realities, two girls pursue their dreams+their paths meet/cross... (how to fit that in there??


Features:
KTT Part ONE - The Polar Cabal
ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
ARAGORN - A LORD OF THE RINGS STORY
A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

My facebook script page

Revision History (1 edits)
Gerasimos  -  September 18th, 2019, 3:24pm
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PrussianMosby
Posted: September 18th, 2019, 5:51pm Report to Moderator
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In six parallel realities, the paths of two girls with rather opposite dreams (becoming a soccer star and famous scientist) constantly cross, when single versions and their passionate tries within start to vanish one by one.


@on ....... and leave for the most dominant string.



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Lightfoot
Posted: September 18th, 2019, 6:49pm Report to Moderator
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Two girls seek out glory spanning across six parallel realities, but with their destinies intertwined who will succeed?




Are these two girls aware or even slightly suspicious about the 6 realities? Would they fight one another harder to get what they want when the realities start assimilating?


Interesting idea though.
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Gerasimos
Posted: September 19th, 2019, 12:45am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Lightfoot
Two girls seek out glory spanning across six parallel realities, but with their destinies intertwined who will succeed?

Are these two girls aware or even slightly suspicious about the 6 realities? Would they fight one another harder to get what they want when the realities start assimilating?

Interesting idea though.


One liner.. What a stunner!

To your questions, no and yes respectively.

So thanks everyone, really appreciate this!


Features:
KTT Part ONE - The Polar Cabal
ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
ARAGORN - A LORD OF THE RINGS STORY
A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

My facebook script page
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