How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests
Alone - OWC - Optioned (currently 1212 views)
Posted: October 25th, 2017, 12:51pm
Posts Per Day
On pages 3, 4 and 5 are flashback scenes that aren't labelled as such.
If he's afraid of being alone, why didn't he invite some of the mourners to his house? Having them decline would key us in that there's something wrong with him.
Reply: 15 - 20
Posted: October 26th, 2017, 1:36pm
God of the SimplyScriptsVerse
Posts Per Day
The next one down the list.
Not a bad idea here at all, but your presentation leaves a lot to be desired. Very repetitive read. Henry does this. Henry does that. Henry sits. Henry walks...
I normally hate CU TO:s, but in this case I appreciated them. They broke up the writing.
If he really suffers from the fear of being alone, perhaps showing him trying to get others to come over to keep him company? Maybe no one will come because they loved Virginia and not him. They knew he was abusive. Show some rejection from his peers.
Not a bad idea, but needs a bit more work.
Reply: 16 - 20
Posted: October 26th, 2017, 7:43pm
I like your story but its way to wordy in sometimes, a simple line would just do.
Along the way theme may have been lost or at least I had a hard time finding it. He is scared of being alone but is still comfortable by himself? The flashbacks reveal more about the relatoonship but what about his fear? i dont know? but all in all it was not a bad read.
Reply: 17 - 20
Posted: October 27th, 2017, 9:30am
Posts Per Day
Title is okay albeit not truly exciting
Logline lacks a bit genre? No movement in there… well, then all in all it's not a bad one… Well presented so far… I'm on top of p 4 - probably just a personal aversion of mine but I don't like long typing in computer/phone scenes- find them super dragging and exhausting to read/follow on screen. You need to END OF FLASHBACK your flashback scenes… to help us keep a clear overview Ending didn't work as an ambitious piece of entertainment, felt unreasoned and constructed imo All in all, it could have been shorter. Phobia felt a bit written in from the side but why not, it's all right, if that's what you found here. This is good stuff for my taste and could made much more progress with a second draft, getting some more precision in its expression as a whole piece. Work on the ending. Whatever, it's well done. Good entry. @ this reads more as psychological thriller to me; + give some spice to your title
Reply: 18 - 20
Posted: August 12th, 2019, 11:22am
So, what are you writing?
Posts Per Day
Chris informs me that this has been optioned.
Reply: 19 - 20
Posted: August 12th, 2019, 2:29pm
Posts Per Day
Thanks for all the great feedback. I have to do a rewrite before it goes to camera and your comments will help immensely.
It's a young filmmaker who as far as I know has a couple film challenges under his belt. Hope with the rewrite he has something he can really sink his teeth into.
Reply: 20 - 20
[ previous Board Index October 2017 One Week Challenge | ] next
Switch to: News Questions or Comments Site Redesign The 2019 Writers' Tournament Screenwriting Class The 2018 Writers' Tournament My Work In Progress Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort Script Review Exchange Contests - Screenwriting and Filmmaking Writing Opportunities and Call for Scripts Action/Adventure Scripts Comedy Scripts Drama Scripts Dramedy Scripts Family Scripts Horror Scripts Romantic Comedy Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts Series Thriller Scripts Western Scripts Short Scripts Short Action / Adventure Scripts Short Comedy Scripts Short Drama Scripts Short Dramedy Scripts Short Horror Short Romantic Comedy Scripts Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts Short Family Scripts Short Thriller Scripts Radio and Stage Plays The August Challenge April, 2019 One Week Challenge January 2019 - One Week Challenge The Night Gallery 7 Week Challenge October 2018 One Week Challenge July 2018 One Week Challenge May 2018 One Week Challenge January 2018 Two Week Challenge October 2017 One Week Challenge The Quickie Challenge July 2017 OWC April 2017 OWC Scarefest Script Club January 2017 One Week Challenge October 2K16 One Week Challenge August 2016 One Week Challenge April 2016 OWC January 2016 OWC October 2015 One Week Challenge 2015 7 Week Challenge May, 2015 One Week Challenge February 2015 One Week Challenge October 2014 One Week Challenge 2014 One + 6 Week Challenge April 2014 One Week Challange January 2014 - One Week Challenge October 2013 One Week Challenge July 2013 One Week Challenge March, 2013 1+6WC End of the World One Week Challenge October 2012 One Week Challenge February 2012 OWC December, 2011 Urban Legend OWC October, 2011 One Week Challange September 2011 One Week Challenge June 2011 One Week Challenge February 2011 One Week Challenge October, 2010 One Week Challenge May 2010 One Week Challenge February, 2010 One Week Challenge October, 2009 One Week Challenge August 2009 One Week Challenge April, 2009 One Week Challenge January, 2009 Two Week Challenge October, 2008 One Week Challenge July 08 One Week Challenge February, 2008 One Week Challenge October '07 One Week Challenge Short Sci Fi - January 07 One Week Challenge July/August 2007 One Week Challenge Short Comedy - April '07 One Week Challenge Short Horror - October 06 One Week Challenge Movie, Television and DVD Reviews Script Reviews Music Reviews and Discussion General Chat Movie/Television Rumor Books Poetry Getting to know you, getting to know all about you... Things you are looking for March Madness 2018
You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post polls You may not post attachments
HTML is on Blah Code is on Smilies are on